I have been dating this guy for a while, and I am at the point where I am gettign ready to put it on the line by saying either tell me where this is going or I am out. It's not to pressure him but it's to take the streess of not knowing off of me. I love him. I am in love with him, and he does a lot of things to show me, but if someone came up to me right now and said do you have a boyfriend I would not really be able to say yes. We do a lot of things together, and he always like to take me into consideration when it comes to doing things, but I am unsure if he is not ready, if he is holding back because he has been hurt, or because I have never said anything before this time. Is there any advice on what I can say to him other then putting my feelings out there and hoping I get the response I am looking for.
2006-10-08 17:55:05 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The best, and perhaps least used approach in too many relationships, is complete honesty. If you don't want to start by telling him your feelings, then at least ask him, "Where do you see this relationship going?" Tell him what you said, "If someone came up to me right now..." Let him know, "If I'm yours, I want to know it..." If not, then perhaps I will feel OK seeing other people... Sometimes guys are noncommittal because they secretly hope that something better will come along. Counsellors call this "The Search For The Golden Haired Woman". (Nothing to do with being Blonde). As sad it may seem, sometimes we have to be pushed into our choices. Did I mention that my girlfriend did that to me eleven years ago? My first response was, "OK, go do whatever you want..." The next few days of my life were pure Hades! I realized for the first time that I was in love, with the love of my life, and it wasn't going to get any better... I went and bought the ring, and we've been married 11 years!
2006-10-08 18:06:46 · answer #1 · answered by dominoking77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are best off not saying anything at all. If you give him an altimatum then you will only appear clingy. You need to put him in the position you are in so that when he asks you "where this is going" , you can rest at ease. Don't expect too much and you won't be dissapointed. It sounds like you are building expectations and now you want him to start living up to your expectations conditionally or you are going to pull out on him. Don't get mad but these are signs that you love him "conditionally". Conditional love will always come to an end. You need to love him because you love him, and unconditionally, in order to really understand your own question.
If you do anything at all then listen to the rest of what I am writing. There is nothing stopping you from puting your feelings out there, but if you want a guarranty that those feelings will be reciprocated, then you are missing the whole point of what it means to love someone. It's either love or fear girl and, with all due respect, you sound scared. Lose the fear and find the real love, the unconditional kind, the kind you can certainly give, but not guaranteed to get in return. The only way you will know if love will be returned to you is if you give it first.
I know what I am talking about and what I just told you is valuable information and is definately the best answer you will ever hear to your question, from anyone walking this planet. So read it twice at least and learn what I am telling you.
And no offense Dominokin..but you let fear rule your decision and 11 years is prime time for the fall out. Not exactly a success story is it. Any children......hmmm.......... wonder why not?
2006-10-09 01:11:23 · answer #2 · answered by brad 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes guys need a little push. When the right opportunity comes up, ask him if it would be silly or out of line to mention love. I did that with my BF and he said he was about to say the same thing. I just said " would it be too soon to say "I love you?" so there we had it. Simple. You don't want to be negative about the love thing. He may or may not be ready to say the words. You won't know until you talk to him about it. Believe it or not, I think most women say it first because guys are so damn afraid of being rejected. Your guy seems like he loves you. We all get hurt...over and over ,,it's life! You might want to approach it in a funny way! Why is it that you would say you don't have a BF? If you aren't at a exclusive stage yet then start dating others and see if he stops you. THEN ask why? He's not an idiot he has to say it sooner or later and if he doesn't then you are wasting your time.
2006-10-09 01:06:27 · answer #3 · answered by honeybee4u2c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, ask him, talk to him. Guys are usually not very conversational when it comes to their feelings, BUT if asked at a right time, if he does know what he wants he will tell you.
Don't be afraid to talk. If it has been a while then no worries about anything. BUT DO NOTE, anything bellow 6 months and you are risking scaring him away.
2006-10-09 00:58:51 · answer #4 · answered by GhandiDahandi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say: "Honey, I Loooooooooooooove you."
2006-10-09 01:01:08 · answer #5 · answered by Scoop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋