My mom told me today that for Christmas and Thanksgiving, that my husband, and two little children are invited for dinner, but that my older two girls and their families aren't invited because she doesn't have room to have everyone and their families for dinner. My older two are my stepdaughters and my mom and family have always accepted them but during the holidays its always been hectic because of other families involved. Now she says this and that if I wanted to have my own Thanksgiving and Christmas with them, she wouldn't be offended or upset, but that if she found out that we went to my husbands moms house for Thanksgiving where the girls and their families would definitely be invided, that she would be upset. Its ok, if I do my own thing, but not go to his moms house. She would rather I go to hers and he goes to his moms if I didn't have my own things at my house. It just doesn't seem right, and I don't quite know what to do without causing problems.. What would you do?
2006-10-08 17:26:27 · 6 answers · asked by OnlyHis 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Holidays are about families. I can understand the room thing but my mom never turned anyone away. We always had extra folks show up. Some where just friends of my brothers and sisters. I would tell her how you fell about all this and if you decide to go to in-laws and be with your husband and kids then do it she will understand in the end.
2006-10-08 17:34:20 · answer #1 · answered by wowwhatwasthat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would have thanksgiving and christmas at my own house where i can be with ALL my children. Holidays are supposed to be for family, and no matter if your full related or half whatever, those girls are your children which make them part of her family and if she has a problem with that, than go somewhere where you and your children can be together and happy. i mean, your mom is always going to be there, but you only have a few years with your kids until their grown and gone. How do you think it would make your kids feel if some where allowed and some weren't?
2006-10-09 00:36:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all doing anything with out your step daughters is out of the question. Holidays are about Being with family and if they are not invited just think how they'd feel. So that leaves out going over your mother's house
As for going over your in-laws house. I really don't know how the relationship between you and your mom is. However it seems to me that she is being selfish. Think about it, if you wanted every one together for the holidays the only way your mom would be OK with that is if you went all out and cooked dinner for every one? What about if you have a good time or not? Personally I would ignore her selfishness and go where you wanted. And, if that included cooking dinner at your house for every one then good. But, do it because you want to not because your forced into it by your mother.
2006-10-09 00:44:05 · answer #3 · answered by kirk878 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't really worry about offending your mom - for goodness sake - she invited two of your children but not the other two? It's your husband who should be offended by her.
I would have my own holiday dinners at my house - leave the invitation open to everyone. Don't fret about what everyone else is doing - if they show up, great. If not, fine. Enjoy your holidays, let all your kids celebrate at home, and try not to have so much stress over it all.
2006-10-09 00:33:30 · answer #4 · answered by matty.. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you said you don't want to cause problems,but it sounds to me like your mom is the one causing the problems,she is not being very fair or nice.if she doesn't want them at her house for dinner she is not accepting the entire family,but if that's what she wants that's fine because it is her house.but for her to be mad about going somewhere else or having your own dinner is wrong sounds to me like she is being selfish and with you and doesn't want you to have a relationship with anybody but her,i am so sorry this is going on in your life ,but as a mistreated step child myself it does hurt not being accepted completely into a family.i would have my own dinner and invite my mom and my step-daughters and their family and my mother in law and if my mom didn't like it that's her problem i think that is the only fair way,and if my mom didn't show up then i would know how she really felt about me and my family.
2006-10-09 00:52:21 · answer #5 · answered by JENNIFER D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps offering some help with the work or food would help. You should not have to chose between families. I have usually tried to go to one side for one function and the other for another. Afraid I would not go if all of my blended family were not invited.
Another solution might be for you to have the gatherings at your home. Good luck to you
2006-10-09 12:57:30 · answer #6 · answered by doicu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋