How do you tell your daughter that she needs to lose weight?

Question

My daughter is almost 18 and she is about 30-40 pounds overweight. She has always been a bigger girl, she looked athletic. She complains about her size, but wants me to take her to a "fat" Dr., buy her a miracle diet pill, or take her to get liposuction. I said absolutely not on all requests like that. She won't make an effort - andher weight is getting out of control. Her clothes don't fit good. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I need help with how to tell her she has to lose weight, and in the meantime, she needs to get some bigger clothes. Suggestions will be greatly appreciated!

Oh my gosh! I can't believe how helpful you have all been, so many of you have spent so much time here answering me. Thank you so much.
I will use much of the advice I received from you all (except the sarcastic/mean stuff of course) and I don't know how to choose a "best answer" but I will try my best.
Thanks again for all of the support, I am grateful. By the way, I accept her 100% no matter what size she is, but I don't want her walking around in skin tight clothes that are not flattering and risk being teased by mean people. I only thought of telling her so she wouldn't be talked about behind her back, she is a senior in high school and kids can be cruel. She has a full life, is popular, has a popular boyfriend, is smart, hysterically funny, and is absolutely georgeous. We have a happy home and a good relationship. I don't ever want to hurt her feelings. That's why I came here.

Answer 1

Basically, you don't need to tell her she needs to lose weight because apparently she already knows that, or she wouldn't complain about her size.

Identify why is gaining weight...is it the types of food she is eating? Is it lack of exercise? Is it from fast food or processed food, sugars, sweets, fried foods, simple carbohydrates? Or is she just eating too great of quantities?

Determine why she eats...is it out of hunger? Boredom? Anger?
Depression? Temptation? Appetite?

It sounds like she just needs to make a few lifestyle changes.

She can take hoodia (from cactus...available at the health food store -- the Kalahari bushmen use it) to cut back on her appetite. She should do cardio exercise at night. If she eats at night, she should eat something very light...like a salad. Her biggest meal should be at breakfast, and then healthy snacks throughout the afternoon....mainly veggies. She should probably eat a teaspoon of cinnamon a day to help control her blood sugar levels.

First, she should see how much weight she can lose naturally before resorting to surgery. I have a 27-year old friend who had surgery -- lipo on her tummy and her thighs and breast augmentation...and when she came out of anesthesia, she literally cried for an entire day, wondering what she had done to herself. So, no I agree with you -- I definitely don't think that a teenager should do surgery at this point. The bad thing about surgery is the anesthesia -- it contains chemicals like fluoride which have a long-term toxic effect on the body.

Answer 2

How long ago did your duaghter started gaining weiight? Do you have a good mother daughter relationship? Is the weight issue , the right issue? It is possible that her weight gain problem cuold have been caused by some kind of change in your life style or some kind of family problem. Look at this posibilities. Has she always been somewhat overweight? Has she really gain that much weight just latelly or has she been gaining the weight progressivly and now is just too much? You need to take a good look at the situation and make an assesmment of what you think history of the situation is. If you have a good relationship, the age issue won't really make any difference. The only issue will be with the men that will look at her as an adult and will see her as a candidate for dating or relationships. Does that thought scares you? Are you fat or thin? May be all of your family members are big by genetics. Are you asking something resonable of her or are you idializing what you would like for her too look like? Why do you want her to look thnner now? Are you feeling guilty because now she will be an aduilt and you feel that you wonn't have any influnce in her life to make her change her attitudes toward weght losss or personnal apperance? This is raelly a too complex issue to try to deal with it right here. you need to become her real true friend, that way you will be able to tell her anything you need to tell her without any fear of hurting her or reprisal, what ever they might be. Work on your communication, you have been telling her something thru your eating habits all her life and may be they haven't been all that healthy. Now she is trying to communicate back to you. What she might be trying to tell you? Do not pamper her, she is trying to find an easy fix to the problem, let her work this one out with your help. There is nothing impossible , in human terms , if only want it. Try outside help, such as doctors , counselers, family therapists, etc. Do not joke about this problem. this could, if not checked turn into a grave health problem with time. Get the support of the enntire family. Involve the family in activities together. Limit the use of the computer while you can. Admit your responsibility in the creation of this problem. Set an exeple in as much as weght loss and heatlfull habits. Try fasting and skipping the last meal of the day, and having a healthy breakfast.. Seek medical answers. Take cooking lessons together to learn cooking habits for people with diabetes. I won't keep going or I won;t finish . Wish you good eating!!!

Answer 3

Your in a tough situation. Is she working? If not that would help greatly. Anytime that she complains about her body image you just need to remind her that she is the only one that can do anything about it. Make her responsible for buying her new cloths. Not because she is gaining weight but because she needs to begin to support her own needs. Make sure that there are healthy foods at home and that the whole family is on board with eating healthier so that she is not being singled out. Do your best, its very hard, not to make comments about how her cloths fit or the double chin she may have. It is the small things like that they will never forget. My daughter was an overweight teen and by making a few changes at home she was able to lose some of the weight and take good eating habits with her when she move out.

Good Luck

Answer 4

She is an adult so you can't exactly tell her what to do on this. You can tell her you are worried about her health if she does not change her lifestyle to a more healthy one through diet and excercise even if that means just getting up and going for walks once a day to start. It is her body, she is the one who is letting it get out of hand. No matter how much you would like to help, she must do this on her own. The only thing in the world you absolutely can have control over is how you treat your body.
As for the bigger clothes, you may want to take her into a store for much larger females. The clothes are not cool , the patterns are not "young" and she might realize she DOES NOT want to end up wearing grandma looking moomoo type clothing.
If she has a really good friend and health club nearby, you may want to pay for both of them a one month membership or trial membership to see if it motivates her having a friend join her in the weight loss quest.

Answer 5

She seems to be wanting the easy way out. Get some of the videos that show all the gory stuff about what "Fat Dr" really do and if you can find some that have bad endings, even better (my cousin almost died after her lipo, she was hospitalized over 3 months, she looked great afterwords, but I don't think it was worth it) Why don't you both exercises together? I did this with my 15 year old niece during her summer vacation and she still keeps it up, find a good routine, with cardio and abdominal and some weight lifting and she will lose inches even if she doesn't change her diet. Another idea is renting "Super Size Me" can't remember his name I think its Steve Murdock, great documentary about the world we live in today. But if everyone else is eating junk food and she's eating salads, trust me, she's gonna sneak in some chips and other stuff that will make her fatter. You can also try taking her to a nutritionist and them telling her she is overweight and telling her ways she can change it. If your gonna try to be supportive, you have do what she does, if not your just being hypocritical.

Good luck, I hope this helps

Answer 6

You need to tell her to join a sport, get a hobby that makes her move a lot. Get her a job walking dogs, if she likes or is not allergic to them. Encourage her to lose the weight and you should talk about the dangers of having liposuction or taking diet pills.
Diet pills do not work for some people. I know from personal experience. I have now lost 15 pounds in two months by playing Volleyball for my school. Encourage her in everything that she does and make sure that she eats right when she is around you.
If she is willing to go on a diet, the n look up info on the Jerusalem Diet. That also worked for me and my mom. She lost almost 25-30 pounds in only a few months. The first few weeks, when you are on the diet, take aspirin or some type of headache medicine because the diet is flushing the toxins out of your body and your body will react resulting in a headache.

Answer 7

This is raelly a too complex issue to try to deal with it right here. you need to become her real true friend, that way you will be able to tell her anything you need to tell her without any fear of hurting her or reprisal, what ever they might be. Work on your communication, you have been telling her something thru your eating habits all her life and may be they haven't been all that healthy. Now she is trying to communicate back to you. What she might be trying to tell you? Do not pamper her, she is trying to find an easy fix to the problem, let her work this one out with your help. There is nothing impossible , in human terms , if only want it. Try outside help, such as doctors , counselers, family therapists, etc. Do not joke about this problem. this could, if not checked turn into a grave health problem with time. Get the support of the enntire family. Involve the family in activities together. Limit the use of the computer while you can. Admit your responsibility in the creation of this problem. Set an exeple in as much as weght loss and heatlfull habits. Try fasting and skipping the last meal of the day, and having a healthy breakfast.. Seek medical answers. Take cooking lessons together to learn cooking habits for people with diabetes. I won't keep going or I won;t finish . Wish you good eating!!!

Answer 8

It is important that you tell her that the best person who gets hurt when she is being criticized by others is you yourself.
Tell her how you love her & that you want nothing but the best for her. To get the best results, you have to sweat it out first.
It should be a family affair. Dieting needs the help of the entire family. Engage in an exercise program in which your daughter & the rest of the family will enjoy so that it will last long.
Miracle diet pill or liposuction is not immediatly advised. First, it is still diet & exercise. Unless, it is genetics, in which no matter what you do, it is just useless. Endocrine problem should also be ruled out. Evidence based medicine should be considered before giving any medication. Meaning studies shows that they are really effective. Some diet pills, like herbal are not approved by the Food & Drugs!
Bring your child to a doctor and at least have the basic work ups. Blood chemistries, which include the cholesterol profile, the total cholesterol, good & bad cholesterol ( HDL & LDL) as well as the triglycerides. Blood sugar should also be included, baseline ecg.

Answer 9

Your in a tough situation. Is she working? If not that would help greatly. Anytime that she complains about her body image you just need to remind her that she is the only one that can do anything about it. Make her responsible for buying her new cloths. Not because she is gaining weight but because she needs to begin to support her own needs. Make sure that there are healthy foods at home and that the whole family is on board with eating healthier so that she is not being singled out. Do your best, its very hard, not to make comments about how her cloths fit or the double chin she may have. It is the small things like that they will never forget. My daughter was an overweight teen and by making a few changes at home she was able to lose some of the weight and take good eating habits with her when she move out.

Answer 10

Oh, if only my parents had asked this question when I was young enough for it to help!

First, point out to her that you feel responsible, because her eating habits were developed while she was young enough that it was your responsibility. Therefore, you feel responsible for helping her to correct the situation. Make the point, too, that the earlier she takes control of her body -- eating habits and exercise -- the better off she will be.

Then take charge of the family's healthy food in a way that leaves very little opportunity for her to over-eat. Buy good, nutritional food for meal times, and do not buy snack foods except perhaps very low-calorie ones. If other members of the family want those sweets and treats, they can have them elsewhere. Expect her home for dinner every night, not allowing her to "pick something up" on the run, which is a great excuse to eat the wrong kinds of foods and too large portions, on the "what Mother doesn't see me eat doesn't count" mentality.

You are right to avoid the pills and surgery alternatives. Those are measures for someone older and more critically ill. She is mostly just a compulsive over-eater, more than likely. There is a group called Overeaters Anonymous (same 12-step program as Alcoholics Anonymous) which can help her if she wants to make the effort, but it is an effort to control her habitual behavior and make rational decisions regarding food and exercise, and she may not be ready for that level of commitment.

You can also help by getting her involved in good, healthy exercise, such as sports or dancing or other physically demanding activities. The main thing is to get her to accept that now is the time to turn around bad habits, before they have a chance to really ruin her. She is at the age when she has to be thinking about her future, and the patterns she is laying down for self-destructive behavior must be taken seriously.

Make no mistake: being chronically overweight can be tragic for a girl, for a variety of reasons. She's going to regret it later if she does not take control now, and you will need to get that across to her. Pictures of people like me, who failed to control themselves, may help. OA will probably help more.

You have no idea how inspiring it is to meet a woman who weighs 450 pounds, and who had to make a major effort just to get to the meeting, stand before the crowd (STAND, was hard enough, but before a crowd!) and tell her story, and recognize that (a) yes, it will keep getting worse until you take control, and (b) that control is possible, one day at a time.

Answer 11

You're not talking about feelings now, you're talking about her health. If at 18, she's already that overweight, she could be 100 pounds overweight by the time she reaches 30. Don't go for the quick fix, they don't last. It doesn't matter how good the lipo doctor is, if she doesn't change her eating patterns and her lifestyle, she'll pack on pounds, just in other places. I wish my mother was open about my weight. I didn't get my act together until I graduated college, when I was creeping up quickly. Now, it's a lot harder to work it off, plus I don't have the time that I did when I just graduated high school. If you ONLY get bigger clothes that she can fit in, she'll continue to feel like it's ok, because the clothes fit well. They are making better styles for people in larger sizes, but it's hiding the problem, that we're a larger society. It's not ok and it's not healthy.

You really can't force her to make an effort. Since she's 18, you no longer have to provide food for her. Buy health food, force her to spend her own money if she wants junk food and fast food. If she uses your car, tell her that use of your car comes with contingencies - she must walk, or do some form of exercise. And do as much as you can with her. Support her. Show her that it's not hard to do, but it takes commitment.

Remind her, the thinner girls with great bodies get the richer husbands. Maybe that will motivate her.* If she ever wants to be able to stay home with her children and have her husband support her when she does, looking as good as she can, is a plus.