Ideas to stop a backtalking pre-schooler?

Question

My son will be 5 soon...........he is suddenly back talking and sassing me all of the time. I have tried talking calmy, time out and spanking.........Nothing phases him?!!

I would like to say that there are a lot of great answers here. THANKS for all of your input.

Answer 1

Five is a hard age. He's probably mimicking behaviors he sees from older children.

What has worked best for me is telling the child that his specific behavior (and tell him exactly what he is doing) is unacceptable and that if that is the way he chooses to behave, you will not be able to take him places or let him play with his friends (because that isn't how people act, especially not around other people). Then, while you are home, ignore the behavior but do not give him what he wants. If possible, start doing something that he loves to do, but pay him absolutely no attention until he politely asks to join.

If he begins to act up in public, give him one warning- tell him what he is doing, tell him an acceptable alternative, and then tell him that you will take him home if the unacceptable behavior continues. If he continues the same behavior, take him home. Do not talk to him until you get home (but also, do not act angrily or even look angry- that's a reaction and he will feed off of it).

At home, you can give him a time out if you think that will have an effect, but what is important is that there isn't something fun to do right when you get home and that you make sure that he understands what behaviors caused him to get in trouble.

If he's being overly melodramatic, imitate him. Show him how ridiculous he looks and give him a chance to laugh at himself. I've got a 4 year old I take care of sometimes- this tactic works like a charm on him. After I imitate him, sometimes he corrects himself, or sometimes I show him how he should have acted.

Basically, he's feeding off of your reactions. Negative attention is still attention, and it's tough for a kid to tell the difference. Give him only positive attention. It will take awhile, and he will continue to test you until he is absolutely certain that you will stick to the rules.

Answer 2

Don't *ever* put soap in a child's mouth! I get horrified when I read that. We should be teaching our children that the *only* things that go in their mouth are food and drink.

My daughter used to say, "NO!" all the time. I gave it time to be "just a phase," and when it became more than that, I began using the "RealLemon" juice - you know, the little plastic lemons that have real lemon juice inside. Everytime she said NO! to my directions, I would calmly go to the fridge, bring it back to her and drop 1-2 drops on her tongue. It's completely non-toxic but they DO NOT like it!

She stopped the behavior very quickly.

Don't be overly angry, explain to her what the punishment is and tell her (sorry, him) that every time he exhibits said behavior, that is the punishment.

Also, don't use anything like Tabasco sauce. Given that the instructions for cutting a hot pepper, like the Tabasco pepper, include wearing gloves so as not to get the oil on your skin - because it burns so badly - it should be obvious that something with that kind of potential to hurt someone shouldn't be used as punishment. The lemon juice tastes gross but is completely harmless.

And it worked ;) Best of luck!

Answer 3

I like Dr. Phil's idea of figuring out what their "currency" is. What does enjoy doing or playing with? I would give a fair, calm warning and then if the behaviour persists, I would remove whatever their "currency' is or whatever they hold dear. Not an attachment type toy or item like a lovey or blankey that they use for comfort but something like toys, books, games, time outside, etc. He won't enjoy this and will have to change his behaviour in order to regain those priveledges.

Answer 4

Well after our daughter's (almsot 5) stunt this morning all I have to do is look at her and she listens. But of course that was after taking away, tv time (which she watches fosters everyday after dh picks her up from daycare) and no McDonalds this week (she gets it sometimes once a week, none this week and they have her fav.----Ariel toys from little mermaid). Serena also got sent to her room and had to take a nap. Her stunt happened right before lunch too and she still had to take a nap. She got lunch when she got up. She is five and she knows right from wrong. She also understands the concept of one week. I would never 'ground her' a month because that is too long of a time for her to understand. but she knows today is sunday, and she has to get through monday, tues, wed, thurs, fri and sat before she gets McD's or tv.

May sound harsh to some but this is the first time I have gotten her attention.

Answer 5

He's at the age where he's "trying" you.....Yep !!!! You aren't spanking him hard enough to break his will...only hard enough to piss him off even more and more misbehaving....I'm NOT suggesting beating him...NO WAY.....this will break their spirit.....NO ABUSE.......but, if it's done "where God gave them to be spanked" and hurts hard enough, he'll give in......his rebellion has to give in, and his WILL to win the "episode" is broken. Then he'll know you are not going to give in till he "waves the white flag"..........If you must spank him hard like that, stay nearby, then make sure after he's done crying, you hold him on your lap and tell him you love him and want him to obey you, you hate the wrong he was doing, but you love HIM very much......and that's why you have to discipline him with either physical punishment or continuous consistant consequences when he keeps doing the same wrong......I know it breaks your heart to spank him, but you'll be saving yourselves alot of temper tantrums.........stress on the both of you.....fighting and tension between you.....yelling.......and they really feel you care when you take the time to deal with them and they know they're loved in the end. They understand it's done out of love... not hate for them. If you don't get a handle on their will, you'll be sorry when he's in school, or a teenager in the future.....it WILL GET MUCH WORSE!!!!!!!!! And the one answerer is right !!!Positive praise when they are behaving better makes them realize being good gets your attention as well!!!!!! Alot of times that's all they want..even if it's negative attention..........remember children are a gift from God.......they are only in your care for a short while ....enjoy the easy and hard times. This is what God made you a mommy for also.....to train him to respect his authority his whole life.from 5 years to 85 years. He'll thank you for your discipline and direction when he's able to use your method with his own child some day........it worked for me in my childhood, and I love my parents to this day and thank God they cared enough to care about what I did, and busted my butt when necessary.........but I always knew they loved me and that's why they needed to dole out consequences..physical for MAJOR wrongs and grounding, time outs, etc. for smaller things.but when you've been spanked like you need to be once or twice...it usually only takes a reminder that when they are directly and rebelliously disobeying what you've warned them not to do at least once and told what the consequences would be next time......that's direct disobedience and trust me..you better spank their bottoms and it won't take long , they'll believe you when you just speak their name in "that certain voice".......

Answer 6

Mimic his tone and attitude when he does it to you. I have a six year old boy, and this is the olny thing that worked. I would either match his tone and say exactly what he said to me, or I'd go bigger. Example: I told my son to brush his teeth, and got the "No, I don't have to." I said the exact thing back; hand on hip like his, nasty look on face. He switched tactics, "I'm so tired i'll die". I say, "I'm so tired I'll die" while falling to the floor in a dead faint.

Silly I know, but my son never saw what he looked like until I showed him. He won't like what he saw. Going over the top with the situation without yelling, trying to get him to stay in the corner, etc. really helped to address the issue without the stress. He will get mad about it. But then I tell mine, "I'll treat you as you treat me"

Answer 7

Hi every child is different but this will work take one toy away every time he back talks let him know there is consequences to his action so if he doesn't stop this he will lose a toy every time put them in a safe place were he cant find them or see them when he dose something nice give him one of his toys back. then he knows if he is good he gets reward. Hope this helps but really what my mom did is she busted my mouth every time. so all else fails not recommend but it worked for me. good luck

Answer 8

Soap in the mouth...it may sound harsh, but it worked with my son, I put just a little bit on the tip of his tongue...make sure it's an all natural soap.

Answer 9

Its the age. Mine is doing the exact same thing. he will be 5 in November. It makes me so mad. But my mother said it was the age they are trying to test their limits. I finally put soap in mines mouth the other day. He has been catching himself since then. I'll have to see how long that works.

Answer 10

Why are you trying to teach this child to hit when angry? That is exactaly what you are doing when you spank. Number one you keep switching disciplines on him. You are confusing him. Pick a discipline action (time outs really do work if you're consistent), and stick to it. Don't decide the next time he shows this behavior to spank him, then the next time to send him to his room, maybe the next time to slap his face. You have to pick a method and do it over and over and over and over. The three parts to successful parenting are discipline, (not hitting), consistency, and patience, if you don't all three then maybe you're a candidate for parenting classes...if you're hitting your child I would say you certainly are.