I have 2 children girl 15 boy 13 I have been alone with them for almost 5 years. I have never gone out pretty much given all my time and efforts to them. Now I found someone who I really care for and he cares for me. Is it selfish to start a relationship or is it ok for me to be happy now and have a life? What if they reject him? Do I just give it up or let them adjust and get use to it??
2006-10-08 16:39:22 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Of course you should give that person and yourself a chance!!! No doubt about that! Everything will work out.
2006-10-08 16:54:54 · answer #1 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, mama need a life too! It's hard to balance your time and attention when you are a single mother because your children have to adjust to a new person in the picture and that's hard for older kids. They are more protective and resistant to other men than if they are younger. But at the same time they should understand that being a a mother is a non-stop job and you need a love life too. No it isn't selfish to start a relationship as long as you still keep a balance between children and your lover or boyfriend. What I can't stand the most is women that will put their kids on a backburner behind a man. I think that is dead wrong. I am on and off with my baby's father and all he's worried about is me having a man in the house around our daugher. But the fact of the matter is that I am not getting out of the frying pan into the fire. I don't want to bring a man around my daughter for being scared for her and how he would act around her. She's 1 now but if she was older I wouldn't no. So my point is that I would probably end up like you devoting my time more to my children than a relationship. Unless I was fully comfortable and my children were comfortable with me dating One man.. and not a whole bunch of men, and someone hopefully that I can build with... But talk to your kids and seriously ask them what they think about you dating again. Let them know you love them still but mama need some "other" love too.
2006-10-08 23:58:27 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. PHILlis (in training) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have EVERY right to be happy. Yes your children are a consideration. This is what happened to me.
I was married 18 years to my first wife we had 2, a girl and a boy
the older was 10 when she passed away. I knew Chris my wife now
about a year before my wife passed, they were friends at church.
It took me about 6mo to work up enough nerve to ask her over for dinner. she had 2 girls 8 and 4. I asked her to marry me two weeks later and she took a week to say yes, It hasn't been a bed of roses, but it was by no means a mistake. There are times
they just don't get it but all in all we are becoming a family.
2006-10-09 00:00:43 · answer #3 · answered by Montie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have very right to start a relationship and be happy. You do need to be prepared for your children to get upset but I think they are old enough to be able to accept that there mother needs to have her own life as well. If you go about it the right way by easing him into the picture then it should go smoother. Be open and honest with your kids and see how it goes. You have to take risks to find peace it doesn't just come to you.
good luckQ
2006-10-08 23:44:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I have been through what you are going through and there is no clear cut answer. First of all you need to always let your childern know that you love them no batter what. Although they may not like the idea of you dating, they will get use to it. It may be tough but they do also need to see you taking care of yourself and happy. If they do not see you happy in a good health relationship they themselvse will have no chance.
2006-10-08 23:45:48 · answer #5 · answered by todd_schild 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children are old enough to understand that you need a life, too. They are at the age where they don't need you to spend as much time with them (and don't want you to!).
Go for it. Things may work out for you. Your children should accept him in time. Take things very slowly.
2006-10-08 23:42:50 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to them and see their reactions from there. Letting them know that you need someone too. If they reject, then you can slowly bringing him into their life and getting them used to it.
2006-10-08 23:45:05 · answer #7 · answered by Albert T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go for it they will get used to it
2006-10-08 23:41:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋