ok...i've had 5bfs and after each breakup like a week after i was upset...so my q is... how do i psicologicly guard my heart until i kno hes not playin'?
2006-10-08 16:17:47 · 9 answers · asked by HalieeBoBaliee. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sometimes the simplest and most mundane approach is the best. You can't guard your heart. It isn't made that way. The best approach is to just enjoy the time and search for friendship first that way you don't have any deep investment with your heart. That way you can be yourself and your calm will transfer subliminally to the other person and calm him. Don't get too physical and set boundarys. It will scare off or frustrate those who are just playing and the ones that like you will stick around. Make sense?
2006-10-08 16:23:50 · answer #1 · answered by Wild Ape 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop trying so hard for a serious relationship. It sounds like you are scaring boys away. If the relationship is right, it will progress naturally on it's own. If you force it, it will break, as you have already seen. A relationship with another is not about anything other than what is between the two of you. It is not a fashion statement, it is not about being cool, it is not about seeking the acceptance of your friends, and it is not about controlling someone else. A dating relationship is about learning about one another and sharing time together so you can learn. It's about honestly enjoying their company and sharing experiences together. Developing a relationship is a lot like slow dancing; If you push toward them, all they can do is back away. If you back away from them, you will tend to draw them to you. But, both of those leave each of you off balance. The dancing becomes enjoyable when you both move in unison, each complementing the other's movements rather than trying to control them.
2006-10-08 16:29:06 · answer #2 · answered by Lord L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little more information would help so I have to make some assumptions. The first is... they broke up with you. Let me share with you a formula that has worked for me. I have known my wife since she was 12. We dated each other all through HS, exclusively... and then married when I was still in college. We've been married for almost 27 yrs. now. Why is it working? We always put each other first. If we had a date in HS we kept it even though our (shifty minded) friends would make other last minute plans to include one or the other of us. The second is... we always did things together. I don't like chick movies but I went. She doesn't like touring military museums but went. We did find things we liked to do together like... the beach, going out to eat and going to a movie. I never took her to a bar because I didn't consider it a safe atmosphere for me. Slightly insecure am I... I don't like competition when I am trying to win someones heart. I kind of selfish in that I want all their attention. Too many distractions at a bar. I want the date to be exciting and romantic. The third assumption is... comitment. Both have to commit to the relationship or it isn't going to work. If one of you is always looking for the BBD (bigger better deal) thats what your going to end up with. A series of BBD's with no stability in any relationship. What guy wants to invest in a relationship with a girl if he knows she will do something else with someone else at the drop of a hat because it sounds like it could be more fun. Well pass up that BBD do the other with the BF and come back later and do it with him. Make your love interest #1. Commit to the relationship. Now.. about those break ups. It takes two to break up so you have to figure out whats going on. Asking a friend about what happened is a good idea but... lets face it... they are your friend and they are going to take your side. You need an unbiased opinion. That's going to be hard to find. If you were a guy I would say remember the four rules of manhood. I am a man. I am sorry. You are right. I can change. Something you are or are not doing is causing the breakups. Perhaps you are dating from the wrong pool of guys. If they BF's are breaking up with you because you are not putting out... find another pool of guys to pick a BF from because friendships based on sex don't last. You want someone that can be your friend in and out of bed. When a friend of mine is getting ready to get married I always ask him how do you know you are ready? If he says because I want to make her happy even if it means doing something I don't want to do... he is ready. If your BF's are ready to do things they REALLY don't want to do... then you are ready to give your heart. One more thing comes to mind. If you are thinking about this person day and night... always. If something in your day triggers a memory, a word, an event, a song and it causes you to think about that person and its a good memory or thought... you are ready to give your heart to that person. Until then keep up your guard. Becauses chances are he's play'n. Good luck.
2006-10-08 16:44:40 · answer #3 · answered by BeArPaW_4709 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just don't get involved with people so fast, take the time to get to know these guys before getting so serious, it sounds like you may be young, there is no rush honey, you have a lot of time to get to know people and pick the one that is right for you.
2006-10-08 16:19:22 · answer #4 · answered by babydoll121070 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would love to explain to you how to do that, but it would be a lie. Love is not that easy you have to dive in and hope did the rite thing.
2006-10-08 16:19:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should try not to get involved too fast and too deep.
after knowing one, maybe you have to spend more time to access before committing?
2006-10-08 16:21:57 · answer #6 · answered by crow_nanc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't just date one person
2006-10-08 16:19:46 · answer #7 · answered by ?? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask the right questions.
2006-10-08 16:21:23 · answer #8 · answered by Mattman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't there are no guarantees in relationships.
2006-10-08 16:19:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋