My love towards you was not instantaneous,
And I never saw myself liking you so much,
But it came into my heart, completely and complete.
And it’s still here, right here in my heart.
My love towards you was like a child craving for candy and ice cream
Wanting sweetness to make them pleased and hopefully making you pleased.
Love is not a choice, but rather a sudden feeling towards another.
Love is not a choice, just as precious life is not a choice.
I’m glad that love directed me to you because if it hadn’t, I would be devastated until Death comes to Me.
There is nothing in the World that could change my mind about how I’m feeling about you right now.
Because of you I am able to smile, I am happy.
Because of you I am able to love.
If it was all for you, I’m willing to go to hell and stay there for eternity,
And still happy as ever to see you if I ever get to see you again
2006-10-08 12:40:57 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You say it all in the end, start with (Because of you i'am able to smile. I'am happy). The rest just is jargon.
2006-10-08 12:47:04 · answer #1 · answered by ~Jessica~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing that "should" be changed about it if it is from your heart.
Personally I think it is beautiful if overwhelmingly sappy. lol
Only God is capable of a love that is so unconditional. Things could change how you feel right now, but it is nice to be so in love that you think not. We have all been there, well most of us anyway.
And though I know that love is a choice, I still love the line "just as precious life is not a choice."
Keep the feelings if they are genuine. Poems should express your feelings. If you want to make one small improvement that would help it flow though, you could say, "My love for you"... Just sounds better than "toward you."
2006-10-08 12:50:08 · answer #2 · answered by DidoDeeDee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well its too long for one thing and shouldn't mention death keep the very end thats good...Because of you I am able to smile, I am happy.
Because of you I am able to love.
If it was all for you, I’m willing to go to hell and stay there for eternity,
And still happy as ever to see you if I ever get to see you again
2006-10-08 12:42:58 · answer #3 · answered by *CiTsJuStMe* 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lots of changes needed to make it more romantic.
Follow Dukalink's advice. And.........
DON'T mention death or hell. That spoils the romance.
More sweet rhyming and heartfelt.
You really don't have a beautiful love poem here. Sorry.
Keep trying. You'll get it.
2006-10-08 12:50:37 · answer #4 · answered by Patricia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont listen to surferboy
its good but you have to have end rhymes and internal rhymes other than that its really good. its a awsome poem if it truly comes from the heart, thats the best type of romantic poem that would make a girl's heart melt in an instant.
good luck
2006-10-08 12:51:53 · answer #5 · answered by Scarlet5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
each paragraph sounds like a different love u r describing.
1 u did not recognize but it grew
2 u were looking 4 her all your life but u have no choice
3 u are overwhelmed and consumed
4 u are content she is gone but thanx anyway?
sorry babe great idea poor execution
2006-10-08 12:51:28 · answer #6 · answered by borrowedtime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
but it struck my heart, like a lightning bolt
and it's still here, right in my heart.
i'm glad that love has given you to me because if it hadn't, i wouldn't be happy till Death comes to me.
There is nothing in the World that could change my mind about my feeling for you at this moment.
2006-10-08 12:55:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would break the lines smaller, so it is visually appealing
My low towards you was not
instantaneous
And I never saw myself liking you
so much
But it came into my heart
Completely and complete
And it's still here
Right here, in my heart
2006-10-08 12:43:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if thst is to a person you love she would love your poem it is so heart touching it doesnt matter how you write it its your feelings and the girl who gets this poem is a lucky girl to have a guy like you that would take the time to write a beautiful poem shell love it there is nothing wrong with the poem trust me its an awsome poem
2006-10-08 12:46:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your true feelings there really isn't anything i can tell you that's wrong i mean to me it sounds like a letter. When i write poems i try to rhyme its just the way i am but it sounds pretty good.
Lucky girls whoever its for
2006-10-08 12:46:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋