how can a mother be so cruel to her grown daughter?

Question

I will try to make a long story short. My mom never wanted me, she physically, mentally, verbally and emotional abuse me all my life. The physical abuse stopped when I was 20.only because my brother pushed her and said back off. Well the hitting has stopped but nothing else. I am now 37. I had major lung surgery and was very sick. I was in the hospital for over a month. during this time my mother was very nice to me, took off time from work to be with me and take me to appts. They could not find out what wrong and kept sending me to specialist. They found the problem and I am now ok. Now that I am ok. my mother is back being mean to me. She was only nice to me because she used my illness to get attention and sympathy from her co workers and friends. she used my illness for her own means. now she wants no part of me, and treats me like crap. now that I am of no good to her she made a rude comment, now that your your not sick things are going to change. now i am a knowbody...

also my father molested me on a regular basis.

Answer 1

i know exactly what you are going through, after years of running round sorting stuff out for her etc, it was at my brothers death bed that i finally realised the full extent of my mothers nastiness,after my brother discussed what he would like to happen at his funeral, my mothers words, ( in front of him ) were " he lived as a pauper, he will die as a pauper so he should be buried as a pauper, he died the following day.
i managed to raise the money and carried out his wishes much to the disgust of my mother,
after the funeral i told her that, as she was my mother i loved her for that but as a person i really did not like her and that what she had said was unforgivable and disgusting.
that was nearly 2 years ago, i have recently found out that my mother died 3 weeks ago and that her last wish was that i was not to be told because she did not want me there, and yes i was upset, but not because she had died but because right to the end her actions proved to me that i was never really wanted or loved, i was just there to sort stuff out for her when she couldnt do it herself.
SO, hold your head high, take a deep breath and take control of your life. it is her loss not yours.
if it helps put everything in a letter and tell her that you are not going to let her hurt you anymore, and that you no longer want any contact with her.
let your past experiances make you strong.you really do not need her, it is she who needs you.

Answer 2

omg girl, thats awful. No child deserves that kind of treatment, especially from your own mother?!?!

You deserve an award!!!

Your not a nobody! dont let her manipulate you into thinking that!! if your so unhappy with your mom (which i dont blame you) then move somewhere else!!! move away, becuase the last thing you really need is your mom dragging you down each time you rise.

Theres no point in the counselling business becuase from what i can see, theres no changing things between you and your mom.
I mean, you can try if you really want something to work out, but in my opinion its all too late for that...

If she is making you so unhappy, why are you sticking around? YOU are the only one coming worse off here, and anyone who would be in your situation, deserves more than you have been given.

Just go off, find a guy who will love you, then you will see what you have really been missing...

Answer 3

How awful for you. It must be so hard to be treated like that by your own mother. Maybe it is time to admit to yourself that the relationship is never going to get better, your mother sounds as if there is something seriously wrong with her. I think it is time for your to forgive her for what has done, and then walk away and find someone else who can treat you with respect and love. Don' t let her make you feel all bitter and twisted too. If you are close to your brother, ask for his help and support.

Answer 4

What a bea tch! She will never change! Her attiude towards you is heartbreaking - sadly i think the best thing you can do is gradually break away from her, all the time she's around you she's hurting you!

She doesn't deserve you............i don't understand how she can treat her own like this?! Think yourself lucky that your not a child anymore and having no choice but to put up with it!

Hope all works out ok, she will never change - the best thing you can do is learn to live without her

Answer 5

you know i struggled with the same question for a very long time. but i didn't deal with my mother really. that was a good thing. i later figured out why she did it. she had some resentment towards me because i found love in my dads side of the family. and they never really liked her. i ended up living with my fathers mother(my grandmother) until i needed her because i needed surgery and my grandmother couldn't afford it. she acted like she cared but i knew it was something in it for her. she only does things for me when it benefits her. i wouldn't dwell on it soo much. i forgave her...but our relationship is like no daughter mother relationship. i now have children...and i vowed to myself that i would be a better mother...and the rewards is beautiful. you are now old enough to say what people needs to be when it comes to being part of your life. friends and families dissapoint all the time. you will have to sift people in your life. you ask yourself are they helping you or hurting you. don't waste your life on pondering for a happy ending. live for today. tomorrow is not promised. after the rain...there will be a sunshine. smile now.......cry next year. help yourself....because only you can take care of you like you do.

Answer 6

I am inclined to agree with phoenix heat, if a friend were treating you this way would you have any trouble dropping the friendship?
Some people are just not happy unless they are making some other poor soul miserable, it sounds like one of those gave birth to you. You can also tell her off, I would say "Mom if you are goiing to treat me this way I would rather not see you anymore" and stick by it. You have enough problems without allowing her to add to them.

Answer 7

You need to get a counsellor to help you heal.

Basically we all seek for our parents approval its what we do as kids wether we are 10 or 80 we want mom and dads approval.
Sounds like your mom is JEALOUS ofyou and has issues of her own you cant help her.. Ill say it again you CANT help her.. she has to want to change and she obviously doesnt.

Go out and do great things prove that your mother is a fool. and you did it ALL by yourself make sure people know that.

You are a good person tell yourself that and sometimes we cant have our moms on our side

We cant choose our family if we could half of us wouldnt chose who we have.

Good luck in your healing

Answer 8

I would remove the woman from your life. Not easy, but necessary for your own well being.

We cant all have a family like the Waltons unfortunately, my husband has cut his mother out of his life for similar reasons.

You my need some therapy of some kind, support groups, your gp, private counselling, whatever you feel may help.

I wish you all the best.

xx

Answer 9

I feel for you... my own Mother is domineering and plays all of my brothers and sisters against each other. There is ALWAYS one of us in the "doghouse".

But you seem to have had an even worse time than me.

There's been some good advice above my entry, do look at it, and I hope you can start enjoying life on YOUR terms soon.

xxx OOOO

Answer 10

Honey im veryyyyy sorry for you. She sounds like mommy dearest. Remember this her time will come to be judged by god. She will get what she deserves in due time. I think you need to have her out of your life completely. Unfortunately some people are just not meant to be a parent. If you ever have children NEVER do to them what she has done to you. Learn from her mistakes. If you ever need to talk just hit me up in a im. GOD BLESS YOU. stay strong and dont let her devil ways get you down.