My (young) friend is a widow, he died Jan '06, it would be their wedding anniversary this month. .............

Question

what should I do?

ie; do I still send an anniversary card, or a rememberence card, just a mention in a phonecall, or just not say anything?

Please help, especially if you have experience from one side or the other

fomut32 = PRAT

Didn't think to mention that I am in UK, Friend in NZ.

My friend isn't wallowing in self pity, she had a long time to get use to him dying (cancer), and she is a strong woman (mentally).

They were my childrens godparents and as Im not in NZ I wanted, maybe, another way to show Im thinking of them all (as I always am).

Answer 1

I do have experience. Please do not make the mistake of thinking that your friend has somehow forgotten her departed husband. She probably thinks about him all the time. I think it would be nice if you offered to take your friend out that day, and say (matter-of-factly) that you know it will be a tough day for her. Go for a walk together and maybe have something to eat, and invite her -- gently -- to talk about him. Probably everyone thinks she should be "over it" (like the insensitive lout who gave one of the first answers to this) so being asked about the good times might feel really special to her. Like how they met, the story of their wedding day, where they spent their honeymoon, stuff like that. She may shed some tears, but I know in the long run she will be so grateful to you.

What a wonderful friend you are to even think of this!

Answer 2

Send her some flowers and just let her know that you are thinking about her, and you have her in your prayers.If flowers are not an option then simply send a card telling her you are thinking about her. She will know why, you do not have to mention why. Maybe follow later in the evening with a phone call just to touch bases and see if she may need or want to talk about her day. This is going to be a difficult time for her. All special dates are a little difficult. i lost my husband in 1989, and every year on our anniversary, his birthday, Christmas, etc, i think about him. It gets a little easier as time goes by. It is always nice to know that a friend is thinking about you and you are not alone. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 3

The worst thing you could do is not acknowlede the day. I was in the same situation when a young friend of ours passed away. We sent a 'Thinking of you' card on the day and telephoned his widow 'just for a chat' on the day. You could also maybe send some flowers international to let her know you are thinking of them. It will be very hard for his widow being the first anniversary without him but with support she'll make it through. x

Answer 4

I am also a widow. The worst thing for me would be if you didn't say anything. Most people don't want to talk about it because they think it will upset you. It probably WILL upset you but it's GREAT to know that people care. Send a blank card with a suitable picture and explain how you feel. DONT send an anniversary card. Good luck

Answer 5

From personal experience she will probably have a number of ups and downs for a few days around that time. Ups remembering the good times, and downs for obvious reasons. Assuming you speak often on the phone, on that day just have a normal conversation, asking how she is etc. You will probably find that she mentions it so you can take it from there. The last thing I wanted was for others to remind me of what I already knew.

Answer 6

My friend died some months ago just short of a big wedding anniversary. It was her wish that the family go ahead with the party as planned, in her memory. It was a beautiful occasion. I think that it would be a good thing to send a card (probably an all occasion one) with a thoughtful note inside saying that you are thinking of her on this occasion. It would certainly be appreciated.

Answer 7

If you remember that it's their wedding anniversary, she probably does too. Therefore, it seems like there's little chance that your saying something will bring up something that she hasn't already thought about. It's very likely that she's still grieving such a relatively short time after her husband's death. Therefore, a little communication from you will more likely than not bring comfort rather than make her grief worse.

I think it's very kind of you to be concerned about your friend. Perhaps you could send a card that simply says, "Thinking of you at this time."

I really like AuntieRae's answer, too.

Answer 8

personally i wouldnt make reference through a card bit incensitive if u can make time for them perhaps take them to do somthin they may hav done in rememberance of that person or make sure ur there if they want to talk bout it they will 1 rule i remember if some1 has died is to laugh bout all the good times and comment how nice they were cause it isnt nice to hav bad memories neva know somethin u say that is nice may make there day i find that if someone has comes to terms or is a strong person they r more willin to laugh bout good times silly times etc but just b there 4 them so if they cry laugh or wateva u r there to help but i wouldnt go round goin sorry 4 ur loss coz its cleshae and could b upsettin just gage the situation and join in where u can wif the memories

Answer 9

Don't send an anniversary card. Perhaps a gentle note saying that you remembered this special day and that you're thinking of her and that your love and thoughts are with them both. Leave it at that and don't make it an annual thing. That's for her personal and private memories but I'm sure she will appreciate your remembering the first one.

Answer 10

I would send a card saying you are thinking of her at this time of the month.You may even want to include a personal note about the friend who died earlier this year. Maybe include a funny story or something that reminded you of him (maybe he liked the fall season and you would say you think of him every time you see the leaves change).

Your friend may appreciate the sentiment- that she is not forgotten, nor have you forgotten your friend and her spouse.