Family Outcast?

Question

I am a 28 year old woman who comes from a big family. All of us grew up in the projects, but I've always wanted more for myself. I had always been called a nerd because I always had my head in a book. I obviously had a diiferent outlook on life than the rest of my family, but I never held it against them. I wish I could say that they treated me with the same regard. I finally went on to college and graduated with honors and I now work at one of the biggest law firms in my state. I was the first in my family to go to college and no one in my family bothered to come to my graduation. I'm a black woman but my family always criticizes me and says that I think I'm white simply because I use proper grammar and I continuously strive to better myself. I have NEVER put any of them down for not graduating from high school or any of the other things they have done, yet I constantly feel like I was born into the wrong family. Should I talk to them about how I feel?

Answer 1

Wow, you have got a lot going on.....
As a black woman myself, I just want you to know, sometimes our people hurt each other when they are hurting. When they are unhappy, they will take it out on the one that makes them feel the worst. It is not your fault that they did not strive to achieve all of the things that you have. It is not your fault that some people chose to have babies, chase men or make quick money, instead of go without and get the real money in the long run.
Don't feel bad. Just let them know that you love them and that you accept them for what they are. They probably want for you to treat them bad so that they can have a reason to hate you. Don't give them that reason. Don't be small like they are. I want for you to know that they love you even if they can not express it. They can not congratulate you, because they are dealing with their own failures. Honey, you have got to love yourself and keep your head up. You have survived. And the more you try to stay happy the easier it will be. you have to remember that it is your life that you are in control of. You can not control peoples actions, but you can control your reaction.

Answer 2

Honestly No.... U shouldn't talk to them about it. They will not understand. Tho I am younger than u I am in a similar situation. I am a sophomore in college and no one in my family has graduated from college. I am constantly criticized for 'Thinking I am better than everyone else' I feel, just like u this not the case. I tried to talk to them about it, and the end result was that we argued and they remained stuck in their stubborn ways.I got the 'U think ur white' talks as well.
There is nothing u can do. This is a change that must occur within themselves. As hopeless as this may sound u might end of having to bit the bullet on a lot of future problems and not say 2 much of anything when arguments pop up. Deep down I do believe that there is a longing to be successful like you but they cant express it.
After the argument with my family I learned to just be quiet. Do speak ur mind but understand when some argument are pointless and will never end and that is when u back away. You have nothing to prove to anyone who will not accept u because of what u have accomplished.
I look up to strong black women like u...Rember u are an inspiration...

Answer 3

You are not acting white you are a proud black woman acting educated. Nothing wrong with proper grammar. You have done yourself proud!!! Talk with the family. It's appalling that they didn't attend your graduation!! College is hard work and you deserved to have your family there and really happy for you.
Your family should hold you up to younger members of the family as an example of what hard work can get you. I don't understand them at all. Quit them and join my family we would have been all over you at graduation and so very proud of your accomplishments. YOU GO GIRL, BIG TIME!!!!

Answer 4

Congratulations to you for becoming the great person you are. It is a shame that your family doesn't see how strong you are to overcome anything that this world can dish out. You have worked so hard to get where you are in life and your family should be proud of you. It sounds like they are more jealous of you because you succeeded where they have failed. Just because you use proper grammar and strive to succeed doesn't mean that you are simply white. It means that you are a strong woman who knows what she wants in life and prefer to better yourself to become the best you can be. Not just a face in the crowd, but a woman who can walk down the street and be admired for her courage, her confidence, and her ability to prevail.
I would suggest to you that you ignore your families comments of jealously when you are with them. It may be tough to brush them off. Just remember that you worked hard to get where you are at and no one is going to drag you back down. Hold your head up and be proud of your accomplishments. I wish you the best in your future to succeed.

Answer 5

Sounds like this is getting you down. And that notion of someone thinking they are above their family and friends because of their education is a common one and hurtful.
They probably do not realise they are hurting your feelings and this may be their attempt to hold on to you. Perhaps they think your education is taking you away from them. A little reassurance in terms of keeping up on family occasions might help.
How about saying something along the lines of - 'I am proud of my achievements and proud of my family - I could not have done what I have without you all, so why can't you have the same pride in me? Can you explain to me why you think that to want to be educated, or to have any ambition is to want to be white or is the problem that you didn't want me to have an education? What message to you think it sends to the kids in our family when you criticise a black person for wanting an education, or for being ambitious?' Perhaps you could explore the idea of your being successful being seen almost as a threat to the family.
Anyway, respect for you for swimming against the tide and succeeding despite all this negativity. As one nerd to another - don't let them get you down.

Answer 6

First off pat yourself on the back..I think you have done great for yourself..You ahve to look at for you no one else is going to do that for you so you be proud of what you have accomplished in your life..Now as for the way you feel as to the regards of your family..Yes mostly definitly have a heart to heart with them and IF it doesn't go well then you can say you gave it a shot..It never hurts to try but you have to also be aware of the fact that it may not go as well as you hope it will..But you never know until you try..That way later in life you can say you at least tried..I don't have a college degree and for you and all those that do bE proud of it..I'm very happy in my life and have a wonderful family..I hope you can resolve some of the feelings and tention there seems to be in your family...Good luck..And hold your head HIGH!

Answer 7

I would try somehow, only when you know you are ready. You don't always have to do it face to face. Maybe write it down in a letter and give it when you are ready. Maybe do it little by little. But it depends on wether you want to hold all this in and dwell on it, or find a way to release it. It doesn't have to be with them face to face if you can find another way to express what's inside you. Because obviously, you take care of yourself very well, and should be proud of yourself. Don't let them bring you down or to a place that would negatively affect you. Try to resolve it somehow, but a way that will not get you even more tangled in their negativity.
I'm proud of you and I don't even know you! Keep your head held high, and I know you will make a difference in this world! We need more people like you! Blessings!

Answer 8

You should try to talk to them about it if they're willing to listen. I am my "family outcast" but for the exact opposite reason. They all had good gov't jobs and just expected me to follow course as soon as I graduated. I have had many jobs and made my mistakes, learned from them and am now planning to enlist in January. I talked to my family about it and all but one aunt were pretty understanding and felt bad not realizing that they had been treating me like crap all those yrs. I tried with her once and it didn't work so I won't make that effort again. Letting it get to you will just cause stress you don't need. Keep up the good work. You are doing what I hope to do after I get out of the Navy.

Answer 9

Naw, I'm not the outcast.. I'm the only one in the family like me.. But that doesn't make me the outcast.. Does it? XD

Answer 10

First of all congratulations, you should be proud of what you have done for yourself and even more so knowing that the odds were stacked against you but you overcame. You may just have to accept that your family may never see things like you do but that doesn't mean they don't love you. I don't know what to say about the "white" comment except that I know prejudice exists but I try not to buy into it. Good luck!