The best joke I've heard in a while?

Question

2 Eggs boiling in a saucepan! 1 female, 1 male.
She turns to him n says "Look, Ive got a crack!" , He replies, "No point telling me, Im not f***in hard yet!"

Answer 1

That's the best yolk I've heard in a while!
Are you going to crack any more?

Answer 2

you want a good joke heres one
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.
2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
7. Crying is blackmail.
8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
9. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
10. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
12. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
14. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
15. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
16. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
19. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
26. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
27. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
28. You have enough clothes.
29. You have too many shoes.
30. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
31. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
32. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
33. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Answer 3

Hehehe.... I published a stable sparkling one final night! in case you at the instant are not arsed looking it, right here this is: a guy is using overdue at night alongside a us of a highway, entering a village. swiftly, his motor vehicle breaks down in the process nowhere. He gets out and opens the bonnet, yet has no thought approximately automobiles by any skill. Then, a white horse walks over and starts off to artwork on his motor vehicle. surprised, the guy watches using fact the pony twists this and tightens that, till the vehicle is fixed. the guy seems on the pony and says "thank you lots!" however the pony only trots off. properly, the guy drives into the village and runs into the community pub. "you will not have faith what only passed off" he cried, "a horse only fixed my motor vehicle!" The barman says "It wasnt a brown horse, replaced into it?" And the guy says "no..." "stable," the barman says, "using fact the brown one knows not something approximately automobiles"

Answer 4

For those that are asking, the question is the sentence with a question mark at the end. But who knows. It might mean something different nowadays!

Anyway - maybe not the best joke - but certainly a funny one!!

Answer 5

a blonde, redhead and brunette r tryin to perform an act in the bible which was to walk on water

the red head walks out into the water and doesnt fall and sink.
the brunette walks the same way as the redhead in the same route.
the blonde goes a different way, sinks and drowns.

At the funeral, the brunette says to the redhead, "we shouldve told her to walk on the rocks :-S "

Answer 6

Lmao

Answer 7

The best joke Ive heard in a while, what kind of ? is that?

Answer 8

lol.
i've got something funny...
okay you know how instruments have those f-holes... well anyways, in orchestra class we always steal our teacher's baton (the stick conducting thingy) and hide it... when he's not looking. well he left the room and we scramble to put it on top of the fire alarm thingy... and one of the freshman bass players who's standing there goes, "shove it down my f-hole!"
lmao the whole class was like wow... lmao.

Answer 9

I tried to form an alzheimers club,but nobody turned up.

Answer 10

listen to this one... a guy logged on to a site and wanted to hear a joke, then someone typed this, got points for it, and had the last laugh!!! hahahahahahahaha