... you're going to be staying home.' I said 'What? I can't afford to do that. Nor do I want to.' Woah did that start a big arguement! She said 'well I did it, it's what's best' and I said 'even if I wanted to, I couldn't, we can't afford that, it's hard nowadays'. She still didn't see my side. But why does she think she has the right to tell me that I have to stay home after having kids? I said 'hey sure, if you're going to pay my mortgage!' - she didn't like that too much! What do you think? How would you respond?
2006-10-08 07:04:46 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Sherri - I just wanted to add my hubby works for his dad who owns his own business. Their business has good and bad years. If my hubby had a steady stable salary, yeah we could probably work it out for me to stay home if I wanted to. But unfortunately his pay is not steady - mine is however. So if anything, it would be better for hubby to stay home. I guess we'll have to see where we at when I do get pregnant in the future. I just didn't like the way how she was commanding me basically, you know?
2006-10-08 07:12:57 · update #1
I hear you . . . I stayed home with my last two children for one year and it was difficult financially, but I did not earn enough to pay for child care, transportation, etc. My in-laws did not understand the fact that I would be minus income when I returned to work and our relationship soured altogether -- they felt I was leeching my husband forevermore. When I returned to work, I worked hours so my husband could watch the kids, but that did not work out as he was a practicing alcoholic so I changed my hours again.
There is a rift there and it probably will not be mended very easily. Your mother-in-law meant well. She speaks from experience and observation. If you are a good mother, your kids definitely do better with you at home, but sometimes financial obligations prevent that from being a reality. How would I respond?
Well, your son and I have discussed the matter and looked into alternatives (if you really have) and determined that my income is crucial to maintaining our current life style (or being able to continue to afford our whatever it may be). We have checked into the current cost of child care and even though we'll be paying x amount of money monthly, there will still be ample funds left over so we can continue to meet our obligations. Of course I am open to the possibility of being a stay at home mom if we ever find that we can really afford it financially.
You may also want to add that despite the costs that come with a new child (food, diapers, doctors, clothes), the financial benefits of you continuing to work outweigh the benefits of you not working for the time being.
Be kind, she means well . . . but be prepared for comments later in life in the event your child has learning problems -- she may blame everything on the fact that you chose to work. Hopefully, she will be real about everything. Pray. She is thinking about the future of her grandchild.
2006-10-08 07:27:28 · answer #1 · answered by joyann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where was hubby when the argument occured. First he should have told his mother it was none of her business. 2nd you are right it is not now a days, and even if it was finacialy fine for you to stay home it is your choice not hers! I think your awesome for standing up to her and remember there are no right and wrong answers here. Did all kids in "those days" turn out perfect because there mom's were stay at home .. NO! It all depends on the parenting you do, when you are at home and with your kids. Oh and you may want to reminde her that parenting is a 2 way street and maybe her son could step up to the plate and help out, when you do have kids! Good luck with her when you do have kids it is only the beginning!!
2006-10-08 17:47:45 · answer #2 · answered by just wondering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should do what you feel is rite .If you want to stay home then stay{cause there is nothing wrong with it} If you want to work then do that. I would like to say though that I stay home because I can't afford to work.I mean I would just be working to pay the daycare so whats the point. As for your mother in law Tell her that you appreciate her concern but really it is your choice, If she won't take that for an answer then just plain tell her to back off. It is up to you how you want to raise your kids and shy of beating and starving them it really is no one Else's business what you do.
2006-10-08 15:45:53 · answer #3 · answered by blue_eyed_brat78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that for you to stay home, her husband will have to give her son a raise! Also, I would tell her that you don't want to discuss a situation that doesn't exist yet. There isn't any reason to have an arguement over whether you should stay at home with children that don't exist yet! When that time comes, discuss it then. Lots of things could change between now and whenever you actually have kids. Your job situation, your husband's, your mother in law's attitude, etc.
2006-10-08 14:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by jbunk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that it is really hard these days to stay at home as a mom, but it is also almost needed. I was a working mom for a long time and my husband stayed home, when I had our newest baby 7 months ago, I left my job and stayed home. It is better for the child to not be in daycare, not only is it an added expense, but it is hard to find good daycare these days. If you have family willing to watch them for free than that is ok, get a jib, but if not I would stay home, it is a good idea and I love it.
2006-10-08 14:14:30 · answer #5 · answered by fatiima 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is very hard for one parent to stay home to take care of the kids (it doesn't matter if it is Mom or Dad). The other party has to make enough money for all that is needed. I was fortunate in that I could stay home with the kids, but I also worked out of the house to supplement.
Why don't you talk to her (if you like her) and suggest that maybe she could be the day care provider for your kids when you have them.
2006-10-08 14:11:52 · answer #6 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would put her in her place right from the start...First of all, congratulations for sticking up for yourself. You didn't allow her to use you as a doormat. Good for you! My mother in law is a real b i t c h too...her last words via email to me were "Go to hell and never come back"...and that's because I was taking up for my husband and because she dislikes my depression....
Your mother in law doesn't pay your bills and doesn't have to support your kids. Therefore she has no right to try to tell you how to live your life and how to raise your kids. Nowadays it is more common than ever for both parents to work to make ends meet. If it weren't for us having five kids, my husband having a swing shift and me having seizures, I would be working as well but it just isn't possible. We scrape by though and it is hard, very hard....
I would have done the same thing in your position. I would have said that unless she was going to step up and help pay the bills and put food in your kids' mouths and clothes on their backs then she should back off and keep her mouth shut. She needs to mind her own business and find something else to do besides meddle into your marriage. Unfortunately I find that mother in laws seem to do that alot and I think it is partly because they have nothing better to do....they love to meddle in your affairs and then spread gossip.
Stay as far away from her as possible and make sure that your husband is sticking up for you as well. I hope he isn't a pansy like mine is....He needs to show you loyalty....Good luck and hang in there...it only gets worse trust me!
2006-10-08 14:19:03 · answer #7 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will say she is living in the past unless you have a rich husband i have had to work through both kids one is 9 now and other is 13 they are smart and healthy mentally and physically this day in age its impossible to NOT work.Just tell her if she wants to babysit while you work that's fine but you are not her and you make your own decisions, and if you need help or advice you will ask for it
2006-10-08 14:10:36 · answer #8 · answered by Rebecca C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't back down. Tell her that you respect her opionion but times have changed and you will do what's best for YOUR family. Maybe suggest that SHE take care of the kids whilst you work - that way they are still getting the benefits of a close family and she will feel useful.
2006-10-08 14:13:25 · answer #9 · answered by Mrsdanieljackson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look you do what you need to do and don't worry about her. My wife and i have our new baby and both parents have issues. My mother hates the fact that my wife does not make baby food like she did and my mother in-law hates that our daughter uses a pacifier. You do what is right for your family at that time in your life. If you can afford it fine if not just as fine.
2006-10-08 22:26:28 · answer #10 · answered by Big Daddy R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋