How can I tell a girl I met online and dated once that I have a problem with her weight, but in a nice way?

Question

I got to know her online and so our first meeting was somewhat a blind date. She's kind, pretty, and we get along well, but I wasn't expecting her to be so thick, and I've always been more attracted to fit women. So basically I was disappointed with the lack of physical attractedness. I would hate myself for hurting her because she just moved into town and she's loney, but I don't want to lie to her and can't help the way I feel. Keep in mind I've known her and talked a lot for weeks, so this is more than simply a blind date. I feel there needs to be some kind of explanation, so how do I tell her? I'd even like to tell her it's in her best interest for her health, and might consider continuing the relationship if she at least agrees to try hard to lose weight. Is this a lose-lose situation? Please only serious responses, and I'd like to hear from both males and females.

Answer 1

Why do you have to tell her? Is she asking for commitment? It was just a date...maybe you are thinking too much into it! I would think it is not too nice to confront her weight after "just" few weeks...I am sure she is knows her "weight". I know lots of men who loves a "meaty'" girl...so, don't sweat it. I think you should just be yourself and don't give her any false hopes...just be a nice friend...eventually you might be able to ask her to join a gym or do yoga.....

Answer 2

When you first met online did you make your intentions known to her; did you want to be only friends or were you considering becoming romantically involved? If you wanted to be friends only and you are not attracted to her then her physical appearance should not matter. However if you were hoping it would lead to a more serious relationship you should be honest and upfront with her, and by no means does that include giving her advice about "the benefits of losing weight". I'm sure she is aware of her weight and knows that it is something she is struggling with; however it coming from you may not be taken well. I would say leave the girl alone and let her find someone who is going to appreciate all of her and you try to find someone that you are attracted to. It also saves her the time and energy from having to deal with someone like you, because after all why should she change for you? What kind of "relationship" do you have with her that is dependent on her losing weight? ....sorry, but this doesn't sound very nice ...okay that's my two cents!

Answer 3

You need to be honest to a point. You need to let her know that you really find her an exciting person but the physical attraction is not what you expected. Just be honest, but don't be insulting. Being generalized with that the physical attraction is not there, but the friendship is, will send the message to her without insulting her or telling her the weight is an issue. If you really want to be with her, then you need to compromise, and although the weight may be an issue, the real issue would be what if people around you saw you with a bigger woman, would they be upset. You need to either tell her how you feel without bringing weight up, or you need to be with her without it being an issue. Good luck!

Answer 4

WELL, THIS IS JUST HARD. YOU REALLY DO NOT NEED TO APPROACH HER IN THAT WAY AT ALL, SIMPLY BECAUSE EVEN WHEN IT IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE SAYING IT, IT WILL MAKE HER ANGRY AND HURT, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU ARE NOT SERIOUSLY DATING OR ANYTHING. THE BEST THING I CAN TELL YOU IS, MEET A GIRL YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO FOR RELATIONSHIP PURPOSES,AND BE FRIENDS WITH THE CHUBBY GIRL IF YOU ENJOY HER COMPANY, BUT DO NOT PUT IT TO HER THAT YOU COULD BE INTERESTED IF SHE WAS "HOTTER". I MEAN YOU CAN'T HELP THE WAY YOU FEEL, IT'S A CATCH 22.

Answer 5

Just tell her that you're not feeling it and the chemistry is not there. If you suggest she lose weight, do it from far away. Because if you told me that, I'd knock the **** out of you. Us overweight people know that we need to lose weight. We don't need some shallow person telling us that.

Answer 6

you never got a photo?
dude i ALWAYS get a CURRENT photo
you have to know HOT women are not on the net
as HOT women can find a guy anywhere they want
so that only leaves the fats ones for the net
and as a general rule of thumb they are very hesitant to send out current photos
so they make up for it in charm, etc..
so now you like a fool you fall for all the texting ( tell me at least you talked to her on the phone.. ) and then you are duped when you see her in the "real" as it's known
so it's simple
you say you duped me and moved on
what so hard about it
your guilt about the issue reflects you lack of courage in admitting you want what you want.. which is fine
the trouble is all men ( most anyways ) want what you want
but not all men look like Brad Pitt to get the Angela Joiline's of the world.. so that why guys like you online date..as i KNOW you are not some good looking stud....
yet you want what you want..
then you better brush up on your game if you want to get a thin and fit hottie.

Answer 7

are u racist against fat ppl.
You said u'd only like to continue your relationship with her if she lost weight.. I dont get that
It sounds like to me she is too good for you..even to be just your friend.
Your immature if u just met her and you're already telling her to lose weght. I mean if she's like 250lbs or more than i can understand but if not then i think youre a jerk! Sry

Answer 8

she isnt going to lose weight understand that
be busy OK ... genuinely study train for sport
however the mature man would have her as a platonic friend

Answer 9

Suggest you go and get gym memberships together and hang out there a lot.

Answer 10

Tell her what you just wrote there,it's just fine.I belive that she will understand it,i would if i was her.You could also try to ask her what she mind about you ,first and then also try to change that.