how do you get your sex life back after a traumatic child birth?

Question

i just don't want it anymore. i was cut and stitched and the baby makes me so tired. i just dont look at my hubband in that way any more

Answer 1

time sweetie, don't feel pressured into doing it until you are ready. It may take weeks or even months but you will get there, I promise.

Answer 2

Don't worry, join the real world of women!! babies take so much out of our bodies and our minds are also traumatised, there is nothing nice abiout giving birth except someone handing you a child at the end of it all!! I still think today that if I'd been handed a monkey I would have been grateful!! I am afraid men have to change also, it's not always easy for them but they need us women to show them the way forward, it's all new to them as well. They have a new role as father and it is daunting because it's not an in-built thing with men, they also think they can resume their sex life immediately and life goes on as before....it's a big shock to them. You need to find a little time where you can sit and talk to your husband, explain that sex is the last thing on your mind right now, tell him you need time to adjust to being both a mother and a wife, explain that you both need to put your babies needs first and form a routine. You will have desires for your husband again, maybe not as often as before. As you get older and wiser and talk to more women who are really honest about sex, I think you will find that most women could do without sex, they 'do' it to keep their husbands happy and at home, it moves away from mad passion to a meeting of each others needs, this is what 'love' is all about, it's not just 'sex' anymore. Be patient and involve your husband as much as you can in the care of your child, give him lots of hugs and some kisses because he will feel left out otherwise, when your mind and body heals you will feel better. Just be aware that you may also have a little post natal depression, it happens, this also makes you feel unresponsive and unloved and unhappy for no apparent reason. If you feel like any of these or are tearful then please talk to the health visitor or your GP, it can be treated very easily and it is a natural part of having children.

Answer 3

Understand you completely there!

I am not sure how long it's been, but there should be no sex for at least 6 to 8 weeks after the birth. It really could cause an infection.

After that, if your husband ever wants to get laid again, he had better make sure that you get some care, some time alone and enough rest.

To do that, he should make sure that you get the three hour solution every Saturday and Sunday.
http://www.babylune.com/the-three-hour-solution/

He has to care for the baby himself while this happens so that he has an idea how you feel after caring for a newborn.

Secondly, both of you need to realise that the libido is affected by breastfeeding hormones. And, it can take up to two years for both partners to adjust to their new roles, sleep deprivation and the stress that is parenthood. Men can help by staying in tune with their wives and spending their time engaging emotionally with their family. That means no porn in place of sexual activity.

Thirdly, you still need to worry about birth control because two pregnancies too close together can be dangerous for a woman's health.
http://www.babylune.com/another-birth-control-lecture/

After that, focus on conversation as adults, massage and cuddles. Sex will come back when the time is right.

Good luck. And please know that this is a normal feeling, a normal event and it will get batter.

Answer 4

Well Im just the oppisite my man dont want me and Im ready I was cut and stitched almost 3 mths ago and the baby seems like he never sleeps either I have done so much research on this and it seems to be your body is under too much stress and being a new mom and all with the hormonal shock you need a break my best advise would be for one he is waiting for you and the a turn on for us kinda like a power trip so at least you know he still desires you and for two you should plan date night for you two get all made up and put on something that you feel sexy in and the date and the adult time away makes you feel sexy and special again and once you get home Im sure you wont shy away when he touches you that will make you feel sexy again and once you bring sexy back again things should be fine!!!! good luck

Answer 5

I Know exactly what you mean. I felt the same way.

I had my child 18 months ago and my libido still has not returned.
I had a terrible birth. In Labour for 3 days, reached 9 Cm dilated AND then got rushed to have an ememrgeny C-Section. Horrible.

I also suffered with Post Natal Depression which didnt help.

I read that someone says... for the sake of your relationship though, you may have to make yourself perform. This is nonsence, Your partner will help you. The more i tried to force myself to perform, the more i recented it.

I suggest you go and speak to your GP, I couldnt really speak to anyone, and then when i spoke to doctor, i let it all flood out. Im now on the waiting list for councelling. So hopefully this will help me.

Remember you are not the only one out there who doesnt feel like doing it like they used to. Keep thinking positive and be patient. See you GP and hopefully that will help.

Hope it helped and good luck

Answer 6

for the sake of your relationship though, you may have to make yourself perform. And also, if you arent interested in sexual intercourse, there are other ways to show love to eachother. I understand how tired you are, but if you let the flame burn out with you and your spouse, it may never relight. My daughter is now 15 months and we've only resumed our normal sex life in the last few months. Please take my advice tho because I had a lot of probs with my spouse over the sex and I almost lost him, I wouldnt want that to happen to anyone, having a baby is enough stress, you dont need a broken relationship too. Just show him that you love him in little ways when you can and explain to him that if he takes on some of the duties one night to let you take a nap or a bath that you will feel that much more refreshed and ready to focus on him for a little while.

Dont worry tho, guys will never understand what we go through during this time.

Answer 7

you never said how long ago u had your baby so it still could be early days, i had a forceps delivery with my first baby so i was cut and stitched too, i was in agony for weeks and the last thing i wanted was my hubby. just dont rush into anything leave it for a bit longer then speak to your gp. if your breast feeding that usually stop you wanting sex, i fed my 3rd child for 4/5mths and never felt like it till well after i stopped.

Answer 8

TIME
It takes time to heal anywhere from 2-12 weeks.
sometimes longer if it was a large cut or tear.
TALK to your dr if you think things are not healing well.
I had a problem with a 2nd degree tear and ended up have to have a corrective surgery.

And when the baby starts sleeping better you'll want sex more.
what has helped me is not waiting to try to have sex at bedtime . by then I'm way too tried. I do it when ever.
once i woke hubby up after a 3am nursing to do it becase I choudn't fall asleep.

Try to conect with hubby is other ways. kiss and hug him often. complament him.

oral sex is a good way to ease back into sex . talk to him about how you are feeling but please don't forget about him.

Answer 9

you have an particularly egocentric fiance. He needs to determine HIS exhilaration is uppermost in this subject. is this your first newborn. i'm able to virtually think of why he's no longer with "the different woman" from now on. yet your concern now could be to inform him to pass to h e l l. you're having this toddler even if way you decide on. No well being care expert provides you with a C-area without it being actual mandatory. After this toddler's born, you had maximum suitable have a protracted communicate with your (so-referred to as) fiance!!! i think of you have got 2 little ones there. I have been given so disillusioned I forgot to reply to your question. The vagina is extremely pliable and could pass back to it quite is previous shape (virtually). A vaginal transport has no longer something to do with destiny intercourse existence.

Answer 10

honey stop worying there are more things in life than sex. at the end of the day u two have a beautiful baby and id say ur husband understands as long as he isnt pressuring u. wen the time is right u will no. stop pressuring urself and goodluck in motherhood.

Answer 11

That will come in time.
Perfectly normal to go through this after having a baby