I have been dating this guy for 3 years this week. We have a 15 month old daughter that we love very very much. Our relationship is just going down the drain and last night I spent a very long time crying because of the thought my daughter would grow up with out a family. We don't say hi to each other, we argue about the little things, we don't have sex but once a month, and he says I am not loving enough. The things is I am not that type of girl. I hate mushy stuff, I don't meet my man at the door with a kiss and hug, i don't cuddle, and I don't use those cute little words like baby and sweety. He says he just wants me to show a little more attention than I do. I have absolutely no idea of why I am like this, but I am. So What I would like to know is can anyone help me on the following: How can I be into sex to have it more often (is there a pill?)?
How can I be more loving (which I really hate)?
How can I get a man to listen adn learn?
How can I save my relationship?
2006-10-08 05:46:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I couldn't imagine myself being in a relationship where my g/f is not affectionate. She doesn't have to be always all over me, but when watching TV, if she lays her head on my shoulder, it's enough. It's not the length of it, but what it communicates. So your problem is not, I believe, the fact that you cannot be affectionate, but the reason why you cannot be affectionate.
I believe everybody, and I mean both women and men feel the need to be affectionate sometimes. If someone cannot, then he/she has some more deeper underlying problem.
If you fix your problem then you can be naturally more affectionate and more into sex.
In your question it seems in a way, that his only function is to be a father to your daughter. In a weird way it seems that you need him just for this. If this is true and it is felt by him, then I'm not shocked by his behavior.
Therefore, look into yourself alone, or with the help of a counselor, therapist and find out if your inability to be affectionate is because of him, and his personality, or something in you, something that happened to you in the past. If you fix this, you'll be happier therefore your daughter will be happier.
PS: Re-read your question and it seems that you might have trust issues. You might feel that you cannot be affectionate because that makes you vulnerable. And you've got used to this behavior that keeps you safe, but not happy. The solution is the same as what I said. It might be that you have a predisposition to not to be trusting, and he not being able to provide a safety feeling for you. This inability of his might be caused by your approach to him. It's a complicated thing and it's impossible to tell you more based on the text in your question.
Hope my answer helped, and good luck.
2006-10-08 12:17:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the same way, and my bf don't like it, so what i did was we sat and talk, and came up with an agreement. If he want more affection from you then try to give it to him. You dont have to go all out just do a little each day, like when he come to your house, greet him at the door by saying hi, and give'n him a hug. Then after a while he'll want to have sex with you more often. Just tell him that u love him, and it is hard for you to show affection, and if u can't accept that den you don't love me, get him to understand that, because if he love you he'll give you as much time as you need. If you really want to save your relationship, you'll will show more affection, and i know he not doing something you like so if you show him some, it don't have to be alot, just some affection, then your relationship will be save, and you will both be happy. I wish you luck on your relationship, and i hope you took my words into consideration.
2006-10-08 06:50:36 · answer #2 · answered by xxMiizzCxx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, be grateful that he is telling you what he needs from you. This is verrrrry important. Do you realize how hard it is to find a guy that can express his feelings like that!?!? There is a halfway, and if you love him you will learn to be more loving and demonstrative. You don't have to fall and fawn all over him 24/7, but you can learn to be more affectionate. Turn the table and ask yourself how you would feel if you needed things to be different and he weren't willing to try? What's the point in staying? Relationships do not stay the same because we humans are constantly growing, changing, evolving. I think you need to try harder or let him go.
Good luck and give him a hug for me! :)
2006-10-08 05:54:55 · answer #3 · answered by mickeyg1958 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi im sorry your relationship is going like this. But you may need to go and see a doctor or a cousellor why you dont have these feelings as how can you love when you dont have these feelings. Its sound like you may have a few issues. There are various types of pills you can take to feel in the mood. But go and see a doctor as there could be more serious issues that need adressing. You may need a hug and kiss your self. Your partener wont push you away. Just go and give him a hug now and you will feel better.
2006-10-08 05:53:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am trying to get my gf to realize the exact same things. I am reluctant when it comes to matters of the heart so if I share with her, I want her to come to me at least half way. I know it's a matter of meeting in the middle. I won't hear those things quite enough, but she will say things and show her feelings a little more than she is comfortable with. But that's how a relationship grows. You have to learn to compromise. I hope you realize that you are not the only one sacrificing.
2006-10-08 06:15:53 · answer #5 · answered by randyken 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have to fake it. But if you really want to try to save your relatoinship with this guy, try to do more of the little things. Give him a hug and kiss for no reason. Or throw in an extra "i love you" everyday. Remind him that since you weren't like this in the beginning, it's going to take some time. Goooooood Luck
2006-10-08 06:01:13 · answer #6 · answered by yobaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need counseling. A relationship should be of compromise and trust and faith. I think you have to recall the things that made you love him and vice versa. I think you really dont need a pill to help you. What you need is to rekindle what you have lost. Loving a an doesn not necessarily mean you have to call him baby or sweetheart. Its little gestures you make like a smile, a peck on the neck, a little cuddling, touching his face while saying thank you's...Men are good listeners when you dont should and when you touch them gently and ask them to listen to you.....:-) You can do it.Just believe in yourself:-)
2006-10-08 05:57:56 · answer #7 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him try counseling. Be happy that he is telling you what is wrong, there are alot of men that wouldn't do that. It sounds like all he is asking is for you to try an make an effort. It wouldn't hurt for you to try to show a little affection once in a while. Hope you really give it a try.
2006-10-08 06:20:43 · answer #8 · answered by Sexy-n-Hot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe because you have many things to look after the amount of attention on him is slightly reduced, and men have this in nature that when there is a little communation gap they start feeling rejected.
maybe you both need to know a little about parenting and the distance or the gap that comes between after birth on a child.
2006-10-08 06:04:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you are trying to save a relationship with someone you don't love, it won't work. all of these things come naturally when you love someone. otherwise its just things you know you should do but don't feel it in your heart to do them therefore its hard to act on it. you need to look inside yourself and admit how you really feel about him.
good luck
2006-10-08 05:52:50 · answer #10 · answered by Storm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋