I'm in love with my girlfriend... but she doesn't treat me how I should be treated. What can I do?

Question

I know I'm in love with her, we've been best friends for 3 years and a couple for 3 months. We're both 18.

Generally, she's the nicest person in the whole world - nobody could fault her... apart from me. Though I adore her and I do think she's perfect, she doesn't treat me like a girlfriend should treat her boyfriend. She can be very spiteful sometimes and she's not very "loving". Though I know she likes me, the only way she'll ever be affectionate towards me is when she's had something to drink (see, that loosens her up and she tells me how she feels and is quite literally "all over me").

I've talked to her how about how she is with me, but she insists that's the way she is... almost as if there's nothing she could do to even try and be nicer and more affectionate. I've changed so much for HER in order to make HER happy, and she won't do anything to even meet me a tenth of the way, let alone half!

I love her so much, and without her, I'd just be so upset.

Help!

NOTE: I give her so much attention and respect and treat her so nicely, it breaks my heart that she is generally distant, blunt and mean sometimes. She doesn't give me anytime to spend with her, either. I just don't know what to do. If it was anybody else, I would of broken-up with her - I'm in love, though, and I can't bear to think of existing without her! I want to change things for the better, and the breaking-up with her would be a last-resort!

Answer 1

she might not realize how good she has it. and she might not realize this till it's too late. i think you two should have a long talk about how you feel about each other/your relationship. If thats really how she says she is then I doubt she'll change unless shes really willing to. maybe she just still sees you as a friend.
After you talk to her about this if she still doesn't seem to wanna change then you should probably dump her. You're still young and sound like a really great guy.

Answer 2

If you have talked to her about this time and time again and she STILL does not meet your needs then end it. . She doesn't treat you like a boyfriend because you were Best Friends for 3 years...Since you were friends for so long she probably feels awkward showing affection towards you.. Why should you just go with the flow and be unhappy with how she's treating you? It obvious she doesn't care about how Ur feeling and wanting to make it better... Go back to being best friends and find another girl that can meet all your needs...

Answer 3

Sounds like you're WAY in over your head and she isn't "clicking" with you!
I'm getting the impression that maybe her character is due to her upbringing. Could be that she doesn't know how to be "herself" naturally and for some reason she feels like the only way she can be on the "loving level" is artificially doing so, like getting a little drunk first.
This doesn't sound good to me. You might be getting set up for some "hurts!"
Nowdays that's incredible to hear of 1 partner GOING ALL OUT for another out of love like you do! That IS sweet and old fashioned, and if I were her, when SOBER, I'd admire that in you alot!
The next thing is, maybe SHE is afraid of getting hurt, as I said earlier, so, part of her has to be showing THAT by having "a little" to drink which might give her a little bravery to, as you said, "being all over you", this might be the only level that she can deal with this!

So, you did talk stuff out with her. To me, I don't think she is sure how to react, and her denial tells me that she MUST not realize your point!

Here's a suggestion, since you feel the way you do about her, and SO strongly, have you considered talking to her Mom, or a Sibling of your girl's? Have you even met them yet?


I'd try that next and see what happens!

When we LOVE like this, we ALL want to be loved back.................. hope I've helped!

Answer 4

This thing with your girlfriend, may go back to her childhood, or how she grew up. She may have to go to therapy or to a counselor, for help. But at this point in her life, she, I am sure does not see the problem, but as wise as you are, you know that you should be treated better. Do you see where I am going with this, you can't help her, She is going to drain you emotionally, take a break from her, and see if she will get some help!

Answer 5

first of all the "existing without her" part is just freakish! It's not life and death my friend, relax! Since you talked to her and she won't change...and she is stand offish and doesn't want to be affectionate, that is her way of telling you she just wants to be FRIENDS!! Girls sometimes do that, and hope you get the point, but really she is just hurting you. If she wanted to be affectionate with you, she would and she has never been mean to you before the romantic relationship began right? Put it together, she just wants to be like old friends again...sorry bud!

Answer 6

dump that beech
geezuz your only 18
trust me when i tell ya there are far more women out there and at 18 you are far too young to even have a GF
you should be school focus ( college ) and then career focused
not women focus
young women at that age do not like to competete for attention and are immature, self centered and needy

Answer 7

Dude, she's not into you. She likes the attention, but she doesn't really care about you. It's time to cut your losses and move on.

Answer 8

my advice is get away now it isa pattern, if you let it go now you will find out in a few years that you wasted your time on a selfish person that will never meet your needs

Answer 9

you are just going to have to accept her the way she is.
when you truly love, you take the bad with the good.

curious: she must be an Aquarius? lol

Answer 10

Dude just give her some time to think, if she really likes you she should change.