HOW WOULD YOU LOOK AT LIFE? - request serious replies please?

Question

If you were diagnosed with oral cancer six years ago in its last stages and were not given much of a chance to survive and yet you did come out of it. In the process, however, you lost your voice ( and marketing/sales was your profession ), you now breathe through your throat and then your food passage blocked up and its been six long years since you last even had a sip of water, let alone solids from your mouth. All that you " eat" is liquids injected directly into your stomach. To top it all the doctors have given no chance of ever getting back to be able to eat or breathe normally and the cancer has surfaced again but in a very small controlable way.
How would you cope with it / what would you do? Keeping in view you have two young sons in their teens and a wife and a widowed mother, who you have to take care of as there is noone else and you are the sole earning member.

I would really like to thank each one of you for your support and well wishes. I agree it has brought me closer to my sons and family who I would hardly ever see pre cancer as I was forever travelling or working 24x7x 365. But dont you feel that I am like the living dead now. I cannot eat, cannot drink, cannot breathe, cannot work as I used to, cannot hit the gym. I am not really depressed as I know I cannot turn the clock back and have to live life the way it is - its just that at times I wonder what kept me alive when all doctors had given me no chances at all. I dont think many people have been through 25 surgeries, four extremely serious, surviving peritonites alongside the cancer ( where my stomach was all cut up ). Why did I get to live this life ? Would you term it as a gift or punishment? I have led a very colorful life - a very full one with no regrets with anything I have done - right or wrong. I have lived always on my terms and never depended on anyone for anything.

Answer 1

WOW!! I've been sitting here for a while comtemplating your question and trying to decide how to answer. The only thing I can share with you is how I felt as a child of two parents who had cancer. I needed them to hang around no matter what, and I was a adult child at the time of their diagnose and resulting illness. Sadly both of their cancers were life-taking and I lost them.

So all I can say is hang in there, I know life is not fair to you, cherish the time you have with them, be proud that you are still able to provide for those you love, remember that your cancer and resulting problems are just a part of you not the whole you.

I hate to sound corny or idealistic but there is a reason you survived and sometimes it just takes patience and waiting to find out why--------but this I do believe and know for a fact------there is a reason and it will be positive. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 2

This is a very good question! Would it help to know you are not alone? I have cared for many people in your shoes. Not all with the same problems and yet still major difficulties. I don't think you are the kind who just gives up. You have many responsibilities that you obviously take great pride in. Almost every cancer patient I have had the honor of caring for have the most important perspective on life- it's not what you have but who you have that really counts. Are you spending the quality time with your family that will give you pleasure? I don't get the feeling you're at peace with your life. Even very successful business people won't have peace unless their family is their place of refuge. Unfortunately teenagers don't always leave us with a sense of tranquility. Your cancer isn't your problem- what's going on in your life? Take time to reestablish home ties. God has given you a chance to make things right. I hope you find the strength and patience to make it work. I'll be praying for you. (Take everyone to the lake, beach, zoo, fishing, etc..) Added on 10/11 Every day you are still here is a gift to your family. I can only imagine your frustration;however, I have cared for people just like you some worse off and they were truely a gift to everyone whose life they touched! You are in a very unique situation where YOU can make a difference! Just because you can't do things like others do doesn't mean you can't still make a significant impact on this life- your life and those whose life you touch! Might I suggest you begin doing journals or scrap books for your children and wife? Put special thoughts and moments in them. Eg; your life, when they were born, holidays, funny moments, things you did that were important to you, when you were a child, and so on. They will find this priceless! The other thing I hope you will do is seek the help of a grief counseler. You are grieving things that are no longer here. This is normal! A grief counseler will help you get through this hump in the road. Try calling a Hospice group. The should be able to help guide you in the right direction in finding someone qualified to assist you. I really hope you find whatever it is you are searching for but most important I hope you find peace. The people I have cared for that were in your shoes have been some of the kindest, most considerate, loving people I have ever known! They have taught me more about life and living than I could have ever imagined. Their strength and endurance still amaze me every day. Please realize- YOU ARE HERE FOR A REASON! You decide what that reason is! Good luck my friend. I will continue to pray for you!

Answer 3

I admire you and your strength. You would be a good person to help others in this situation as well. Just live your life the best you can and actually LET your family pitch in and help. I'm sure your wife would be able and willing to work now and make things easier. This would take a load off your mind to ensure that if anything should happen you would know your family would be financially stable. It's time for your teenage sons, wife and mother to start doing more to take the pressure from you. RELAX and just enjoy your surroundings and your children. :) God Bless

Answer 4

I had to read this question a couple of times. I have been mulling this over for a few minutes now, trying to think of the right words to use. I am no expert. There is no way imaginable for me to be able to truly put myself in that position. Thank God!

Having said that, I have a few thoughts. The first thing that crossed my mind was Christopher Reeve. Here's a guy that had everything he could possibly imagine, and nearly had it all taken from him. After being left fully paralyzed, he allowed his heart to guide his direction. He fought, struggled, cried, prayed and prospered. He lived life, and only after his accident did he truly earn the title of Superman.

The second thing I thought about was the two young teenage sons, wife and widowed mother. This could be an opportunity to listen to what your heart says when you look at your sons, your wife and your mother. Sit back and marvel at what you have created and how they will adapt if you let them. And don't quit. What message would that send to your sons?

How to cope? The only answer I can come up with is lean on your family and your faith. Trusting in God and your family will help you find your calling.

God bless you and keep you.

Answer 5

Hello I am sorry to hear of your troubles. You have your mind obviously and your mind is a lot more powerful then your body. If you think defeat, then you are defeated, If you think winner, survivor, then you are a winner !
I don't know if you are religious or not, but Joel Osteen has a great book on positive thinking called, "Your Best Life Now". It discusses hardships and how to deal with them. How powerful disappointments can be and how they can keep you down IF YOU LET THEM. Sometimes it takes only one tiny little positive thing in your life, I.E.your wife, your mother, your kids, your life. Can you walk ? Are you in pain ? Whatever it is, find one ounce of a positive and focus on that (like a seed planted) and it will soon grow. I don't know who you are, but I'll be praying for you. God Bless.

Answer 6

I would focus on the family and try to forget about myself. If you think about all you do for them and that you keep them happy, loved and secure, that should be enough. Some people don't even have that. You have a family to love. Yeah, your physical situation sucks donkey balls, but life is not really easy for anyone. You just have to think about the good and don't focus on the bad. And if you do feel depressed or sad you have to let yourself feel those emotions. Lock yourself in a room and cry. Get a punching bag or something to hit when you are angry. Don't get down on yourself for getting down- just run through the emotions, think of your great family and move forward. You Rule!

Answer 7

I would thank God everyday I'm still alive. When our hearts are surrendered totally to the will of God, then we delight in seeing Him use us in any way He pleases. What a witness for Christ you could be to the world. God, didn't promise us a perfect world. Only to those that serve HIM, a perfect home in Heaven. There will your treasures lie. We are to rejoice in the Lord always...even thru bad times.
I can see you have had some very bad times, But as a sister in Christ-I want to tell you ,GODS PROMISE to YOU:MATTHEW 28:20--James 4:8
God Bless you & your In my prayers.

Answer 8

I am so sorry about that for you but you must look at life as its one more day i get to spnd with the ones i love and although you feel like giving up at times dont they need you there too. your showing them no matter what you can keep on going and that they should too nomatter what happens to them! KEEP IT UP YOUR DOING A REAL GOOD JOB!!!!!!!

Answer 9

I admire you for the strength you must have to endure what you are still going through,,,I honestly don't know what I would do but I do know one thing and that is I wouldn't give up, I am too strong to give in to despair,,, life is worth living and the hardships we encounter make us strong

Answer 10

I would THank GOd for Life and for my family and make it a memorable life for whatever amount of time I have.