A close relative has exhausted her options of cancer treatment after two years and has basically refused further treatment. In recent months her husband, who's retired, hasn't been very sympathetic nor empathetic towards her. The husband wouldn't accompany the wife to the psychiatrist when she was having an emotional breakdown. Since their son is in college and they live in the suburb, they need to fix lunch and pretty much do everything on their own. Unfortunately the husband is not very helpful and they usually get into arguments when she tries to get him to do something. He's been active lately in community projects, but it feels like he's rejecting everything at home.
What can we as relatives (of her family) do to help them? They're both approaching 50, had successful careers as professionals, and been part of the bigger family ever since they knew each other. We want them to be happy even in this difficult time, but it seems like they have problems we can't interfere.
HELP!!!
2006-10-08 03:47:25 · 8 answers · asked by yilingonly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
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2006-10-11 00:43:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for her to support her emotionally and listen to her when she needs to talk. Maybe the family could take turns taking over dinner once or twice a week...that would be a great help. I went through the cancer treatments with my Mom and Dad and can't imagine why her husband is being so distant at such a rough time in her life. Of course, many men have a problem handling illness especially when it is someone so close. It sounds like he has just shut down. Maybe there is someone in the family that he is especially close with that could sit down and talk to him about it. He probably has alot of pent up feelings that need to come out too. The family should give as much time. love and support to her as possible. Cancer is a terrible thing to go through and for a woman it is so devastating to lose your hair, lose your energy and feel like you've lost yourself to the cancer. She should be your main concern. If he's not going to be there for her..someone should be. I never let my parents go to one single treatment alone and she shouldn't have to either. God bless you and I wish you the best. By the way, if none of you live in the same city you may call one of the local churches for help. Many of them would be glad to help with preparing food and emotional support as well.
2006-10-08 03:59:37 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is rejecting him home life and everything associated with it. He wants to help which is why he is involved in community projects. It sounds like he needs some therapy as well to help deal with his wife's situation. Nobody ever thinks the spouse of a cancer patient needs help too. Set up an appointment for him and take him. He really needs to talk to a professional about this.
2006-10-08 03:54:11 · answer #3 · answered by tko43078 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
firstly i am deeply sorry for what u guys are going through.. but here is my 2 cents on this ... my wife had cancer and is now in remission and i am also late 40s so i can relate .. she also said that if it returns then she will not try to treat it because of the pain that is involved.. i felt deeply hurt when she told me this.. i am a fighter.. and i want her to fight also .. do whatever is necessary to stay alive and with our family and because she wants to give up i kno that i would hurt to stay around and watch her die i cant bear that or the thought of it .. i did everything when she was sick in the hosp. combed our daughter hair. homework,cook and take it t the hosp, clean,and still keep a full time job and would do it again as long as she is willing to fight this cancer ... but i think it is selfish that she wants to die and leave all this hurt behind .. am i being unreasonable no .. if it is incurable then we go with it but if there is a chance then lets go for it and fight .. Now the husband is hurting ,he knos that he will be loseing someone that he loves and is having a problem dealing with this coming loss.. the community projects is his escape from facing this .. find the person in your family that he respects the most and have them talk with him ,, draw parrallels if the table were turned and he was the one who was ill would he like to be left alone without her by his side for company ... u guys are facing a difficult uphill battle but i think it has to be resolved by inside intervention .. the doctor probly tried to have him talk about his feelings 2 and he is rejecting that .. your family should spend as much time as u can with her and he may come back around to not be so hurt that he cant see that he is also hurting someone that loves him too ... make her life as good as you all can .. blessings and prayers for u all
2006-10-08 04:13:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First let me say how thoughtful of you. I think maybe you should just let her know you are there for her, try not to say a whole lot about the situation to her but just be there for her. A shoulder to cry on or lean on.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss and grief, maybe this way is the only way he can handle it. Its a pity that he will have these problems to look back on after she is gone.
2006-10-08 03:52:54 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry about all this. But it doesnt seem to be a problem that you can help with. Sounds like hes in major denial about his wifes' condition. Either that, or hes extremely selfish and if he was, you would have noticed this a long time ago.
2006-10-08 03:51:17 · answer #6 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be that he is protecting his own feelings by staying "out of it". Not that thats any excuse! Maybe he needs someone (not the wife) to tell him off, point out what an unsupportive a$$ he's being, and see if that wakes him up. It could even be suggested to him that maybe he's trying to save his feelings, but at the expense of hers. If that doesnt help, there's probably not much that can be done.
2006-10-08 03:55:13 · answer #7 · answered by Phil S 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this may be the way the husband is perparing himself for her death. He is trying now to distance himself so that it won't hurt as bad when she actually dies. the most you should/could do is support his wife because thats who needs sum1 right now. let her husband deal with it the onlyway he knows how! its hard KNOWING you are going to loseyour life longer partner!
2006-10-08 03:52:51 · answer #8 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋