my son lies a lot he is 11 what should I do?

Answer 1

If your child is lying to you, maybe there is a reason he feels that he needs to. Make sure to keep an open line of communication with him. Let him know that its ok if he feels that he doesn't want to tell you something, but not to lie about it. Make sure he knows that if he ever feels the need to talk that you are there for him. Don't yell at him if he has done something wrong, if you do he will be more inept to lie about something because he doesn't want the repercussions of yelling or etc. If he does do something wrong let him tell you what it was why it was wrong and ask him to write down what he learned from his mistake. Give him a few options on punishment IE: You can lose your game boy for 5 days or you can lose TV for 7 days. let him have options and make him chose what he wants to lose for doing wrong.
This will make him understand that being honest is better but even if he does something wrong he can come to you and tell you...
I wish you luck.

Answer 2

It depends what he's lying about. If it's combined with other things like stealing and then lying about it, or lying about smoking or drinking then you have a bit of a problem and need to think about different ways of disciplining him. Your local council will probably offer mediation services for teenagers and parents who are problems, and it might offer parenting classes. Parenting classes have a bad reputation but can be extremely useful, even if it's only a different perspective on things.
If he's lying about other things with less serious implications then it might be down to a self-confidence issue. Maybe he doesn't feel interesting or clever enough and lies to make himself feel more likeable or to fit in better.
It could just be that he has an active imagination. Next time you catch him out, wait a few hours til you're both calm and then ask him nicely why he does it. Whatever the reason for his lying, you need to let him know that now and again is not too bad, but constant lying is very irritating to people and he could start to lose friendships.

Answer 3

I have a step son who has ADHA, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and Mood disorder, and lying is something that goes hand and hand with all of it, but we remain consistant completely, and find instances, even simple ones when he is being honest, even if it is not significant, and praise him, using that instance as an example, and actually try to make it feel safe for him to do so, keeping in mind we all make mistakes and comming down to his level a little, but if after much time of that and they are still unable to be honest use consisitant consequences, like after all when we break the law the consequenses never change, and the law does not scream and yell at you, but for the most part, the reason why many children lie is they do not feel safe enough to put it out there the way it happened. Is to scary. And then many just con't deal with consequences. But keeping it consistant should take away alot of it. I hope this helps

Answer 4

If he knows he's going to get shouted at for telling the truth, why would he bother, unless he's stupid???

He sounds like a clever boy who knows how to avoid hot water!

It's what you do when you catch him in a lie that matters.

First you have to render whatever discipline you need to for whatever caused the lie.

THEN you HAVE to discipline seperately for the lie itself, and that HAS to be much harsher than the original misdeed.

Make it plain to him that it's the LIE that got him the harsher treatment, not the misdeed.

Avoid shouting at him at any stage. He's a child of 11. He doesn't have the power to deal with an adult shouting in anger. It must be scary to have all that negative emotion directed at him.

FInally, when he's being good, keep getting the point across about the importance of trust, how trust earns more freedom etc, remind him of the Peter and the Wolf story, and all that stuff.

The key is to do it when there's no anger involved - if there is, he's only feeling fear, and not able to focus on the lesson being taught.

Answer 5

If a child of 11 lies it's because he has grown fearful of the consequences of telling the truth. This is learned behaviour, it's not something he was born with, and there needs to be some frank evaluation of the role models in his life (parents, teachers etc.) to find out what has made him so fearful of the truth.

Answer 6

get a chair and call it the naughty chair. Every time you catch him lying he has to sot in the chair for 11 minutes (1 minute for every year of age) Anyway then walk away come back after 11 minutes and ask for an apology if he doesnt give it to you then he sits there for another11 minutes. This keeps going on until he gives you an apology and after a while he will learn that every time he lies he will have to sit in the Naughty CHair and t\then prettysoon he'll stop lying and stop having to sit in the chair.

Answer 7

My 9 year old does the same thing. I think sometimes, he tends to over-exaggerate and gets carried away. At other times, I think he is genuinely nervous of the outcome of the truth and feels it a safer option to lie. And finally, it seems that occasionally, he honestly believes his version of events, almost as though he sees things in an entirely different light.

I try not to make a big deal of it. He does know that he will always have my support when he is honest, but not if he fibs, and I think that helps him slow down and think before he speaks.

I know our problem is always worse when there are other factors affecting him such as family upsets or trouble at school.

Try not to be too hard on him, I'm sure he'll grow out of it soon.

Good luck!!

Answer 8

In what scenario does he lie, does he lie to try to keep him out of getting told off or does he seem to lie about trivial things that really he needn't lie about. I have had this trouble with my son who is now 21, but he still lies about things he doesn't need to lie about if you get my drift, his nickname is Billy Liar and he has been like this since about the age of your son. If anyone out there knows a reason for this please respond as sometimes I feel help should be sought. 11 is a funny age as they are just starting to grow up hopefully your son will grow out of this...boys will be boys, good luck.

Answer 9

My husbands 7 year old boy and 5 year old girl lies all the time back and forth from our house to their mothers house. So after we find out that they've lied to their mother about stuff we sit down and dicuss the problem over @ our house, we ask them why are they lying? We tell them that lying doesn't get them anywhere in life. We tell them to always be honest and always tell the truth. We asked them if they would like to be lied too or lied about. My husband gets very angry with them and of course i do too but we keep our cool just b/c they are kids. Their mother is no good and brainwashes the children all the time so they don't know what to think. When they come to our house we try to teach them whats right and whats wrong and over @ their mothers house they have no rules and just do whatever they want. The mother puts things in their heads all the time. Thats sad that she has to use the children like that. But anyways since your son is lying sit down and talk to him find out what the problem is, find out why he's lying. With my husbands kids we've taken their games away, movies, we've went as far as not going anywhere just staying at home when they've come over. We told them if they lying doesn't stop we won't be going anywhere. If they wanna lie then they don't deserve to go out and have fun (like going to the park and things like that, things that they enjoy doing) we quit doing that for awhile. But now things are going well. And hope it stays that way if not we'll go back to not letting them play games or watch movies, etc. I hope you find out the problem why your son is lying. Good luck.

Answer 10

Don't punish him .My son is 13 we have fond that if we lie to him about something he knows how it fills try lieing to him about this that would benefit him .Tell him when he ask what is for dinner and say all his favert thing But cook the thing he don't like and ask him how it fills to be lied to!And do this often. He will get it may take sometime but it will work.Her is another one When he whats something tell him that you will go get it today and go get your self something and when you get home let him know what you got and say Little boys that lie don't get rewords.He will get it .