how do i get my 7 year old to stop lying and start listening????

Question

my daughter is almost 7 years old and she lies and doesnt listen to me or anyone else. she just shrugs her shoulders and says i dont know. is this normal? how can i get her to stop lying and start listening to adults. she listens great to her teacher but when she gets home, everything is different. let me inform you that she has 2 step parents and 2 infant young brothers at different houses. help me?

Answer 1

Let it be know it will not be excepted in your home and you need to make sure your ex is right along with you on this issue. Find what makes her tick if she loves her t.v, computer, books, take her privelages away everytime she does that and make consquenses for what she has done. You could even make her think of a decent punishment to give her. You all have to stick to it though or she will never learn. Also like someone else said give her a little extra attention when she's being good she is going through a lot of change for being so little. Make a special mommy and daughter only time. Have your ex do the same thing for her at his house just her and her daddy. Not with the step-parents or the other siblings just her and you or your ex. Also, don't make a big deal and go on and on about what she did wrong when she does lie or doens't listen just state what she has done wrong what the punishment is going to be and leave it at that. When she's done with the punishment just explain to her what she did wrong in a few short sentences. The bigger the deal you make out of it then she will keep doing it b/c she is getting some kind of attention good or bad kids don't care it's still attention. So give her lots of attention when she's good and none when she's bad. She'll figure out which she likes more before to long.

Answer 2

You won't like it but here is my suggestion, or maybe I'll state what we do in our family. Your right by noticing that lying is BAD, many parents think is a stage, or even cute. Lying is no stage my girls (ages 3,7, and 10) have gone through. Lying destroys the bond of trust between parent and child and should be a MAJOR NO NO.

In our home lying is always met with a spanking, granted this is done when there old enough (over the age of 5) to know the difference between truth and lie. OK when I say spanking I am not talking about 1 or 2 love tabs on the bottom. I am talking about taking her to her room, pulling down her pants, putting her over your lap and giving her about 12 -14 good sharp spanks to the bottom. If you really want this to stop, be consistent in doing this, she will understand that the punishment out weighs the crime. This sounds harsh but the results are amazing, my oldest tried lying only a few times in her life, my 7 year old only once, one year ago.

One way to help make this work is to always be open to the truth, even if they are coming and confessing a misdeed, don't punish as long as they came forth.


My heart totally cries for her, being in a broken home. STEP PARENTS SHOULD NEVER SPANK HER, EVER!!!! your husband and your ex's wife should never spank your daughter, this has to be done by mom or dad only.

GOOD LUCK, my ways seem harsh but they work.

Answer 3

I had the same problem with my kid. It's an incredibly hard habit to break. He did it for attention or because he felt inadequate. Then after a while, it was just habit - lie for no reason.

It took some very embarrassing events to get him out of it. The last straw was when a group of kids were caught vandalizing and he was blamed. I was with him, but it took a lot of convincing tat he was innocent and that shook him up. A talk with Mr. Policeman put the fear into him.

It'll be an ongoing battle, but you have to try whatever it takes to make sure she doesn't mess up her life through lies as an adult. God Bless and good luck.

Answer 4

Young children occasionally experiment with lying. We can help them tell the truth by responding calmly and consistently when we know they are saying something false. To be effective, we must understand their behaviour and remember that young children reason quite differently than adults.
To help young children tell the truth, adults must distinguish between a lie -- a purposeful and persistent intent to deceive ("I didn't do it!") -- and a young child's imagination simply escaping into the realm of tall tales and wishful thinking ("We are going to throw away the new baby. She cries too much.")

Persistent lies are built on a foundation of little lies that "worked" for the child in the past -- the child has learned that fantastic stories of false statements are effective ways to:

minimize embarrassment;

avoid punishment;

gain attention;

protect self-esteem.


Deliberate lying in children is a sign the child has low self-esteem. He builds himself up by telling fanciful stories and protects his weak sense of self by denying misdeeds. If the behaviour is habitual, he needs our help.

Remain calm. A severe scolding or punishment often results in more lying!

Avoid setting the child up to lie (even though you know he is at fault) by demanding: "Did you do that?" His instinctive reply will be "No!" Angry adults and harsh consequences may simply frighten a child into continued lying.

Never shame the child or imply that he is a liar. "You are lying, and you know it!" This reinforces in the child's mind that he is a liar. The more he believes this, the more he will lie. Simply state your observation: "Writing on the wall is not allowed."

Help the child break free from the role of liar. Point out his own honest statements and courageous actions: "Billy, I asked where Erin's new whistle was and you said it was in your pocket. Thank you for helping by telling the truth. You are honest and also courageous!" If the child reverts to lying remind him that you believe lying is not typical of him: "Why Billy, I'm surprised. Usually you are very good at telling us the truth. Remember when..." Before the habitual lying can stop, the child must believe that deep inside he really is an honest person.

Distinguish for the child the difference between his behavior and himself. Young children often believe good people do good things and bad people do bad things, so denying a misdeed is a way of coping with the problem of wanting to be a good person.

Meet the child's need for attention by recognizing appropriate behaviour.

Give the child an opportunity to make amends for the misdeed (cleaning up the mess, apologizing for hurt feelings, offering to share, returning an item). This teaches "a better way" and reinforces in his own mind that he really is a good person.

Answer 5

If the Grandma needs to advance her, and its happy with the bio mom and the regulation, its a achievable answer. This little female is almost a drop of oil floating on an ocean of water. She is familiar with she isn't your daughter. She of course isn't interacting with the daddy and basically she is feeling lonesome. provide up telling her what to do and while your 2 365 days old takes a nap, make that the time which you and the seven 365 days old do issues jointly. Like room %. up, making cookies, examining books, helping to make dinner, folding towels and matching socks. The extra you have satisfied interplay, the extra she will have the skill to earnings self belief in you. the main important concern the little female has appropriate now could be.. She does not have an anchor. Inwardly she concerns that she will have the skill to lose all and sundry she loves. If she grows to love you, interior the back of her thoughts, mothers could be bumped off and he or she will have the skill to in basic terms be hurting herself. If the grandma she visits is the mother of the estranged bio mom, this could be a component of the subject. She could be instruction the little female to be naughty. basically carry close on and be the solid mommy. think of roughly issues you may help her with that will advance her self-worth too... dance classes, track classes, cheerleading team, bluebird campfire females, sunday college classification. shop the religion, Rome wasn't geared up in an afternoon.

Answer 6

I tell my six year old that if he lye's to my I can't help him. That it is really important to always tell the truth so if he ever needed me to believe that he did not do some thing I would no questions asked.Not only that but The punishment for lying in our house is far worse than what ever it is that he did and lied about.Hope this helps some

Answer 7

There's a great book called "Parent Effectiveness Training" by Thomas Gordon. He's been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

(It might help if her mother didn't refer to herself as a "hottie.")

Answer 8

I would take t.v time and some play time away along with any sweets, juice, pop, cookies, and expaine to her the reason the other kids get it and she doesn't is because she doesn't tell the truth, and that is disrespectful

Answer 9

She's going through a phase..THERE are alot of them!! She's seeing that she's getting attention especially with ALL the changes she..just wants to be the CENTER...her world has changed so much!!

Answer 10

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT.
reward good behaviour and completely ignore bad behaviour
its hard and takes a lot of patience but it works
distract from bad behaviour by introducing something positive