Getting a child to wipe after having a BM?

Question

For those who have answered my questions recently about my 8 yr old son, you know some of things I am going through here.

For those who haven't, I have an 8 yr old that has decided he is going to go through a defiant stage, he has stopped doing his work in school, doing his homework, he is talking back & being rude...
His newest trick....he has decided he doesn't have to wipe after going potty....I have had to throw SEVERAL pairs of his underwear away & have told him I am not going to buy him anymore if this continues. I do not want to have to keep doing this....I have explained the hygenic parts to him, as well as, the reprecussions, but it isnt phasing him.
How do I make it clear to him that he NEEDS to wipe after this?

Answer 1

I have three boys, the youngest is now 7- so I have been where you are now, in terms of dealing with a stubborn young man. I can tell you only what has worked for me. When my oldest son was 8, he became the little wonder you are describing, right down to the "I'm to busy to wipe". I solved that one by presenting the young man with a bucket of soapy water and showing him to the tub to do some washing. I would escort his nasty smelly little buns to the bathroom, have him clean himself up and then do his laundry. I had him scrub them nearly clean, then wring them out, dump the water in the toilet, and take them to the washer. Then he put them on to wash, to dry and folded them himself. I told him I wasn't going to have a contest with him over it, but I had no intention of washing up his nasty little shorts either. He wasn't too happy about the stains, but I told him I wasn't buying new shorts until I was certain he was completely retrained and willing to consistently wipe and clean his own little hind end.
To get him to do the schoolwork, I had to work with his teacher. I picked him up at school each day, and along with him I got all the work he was supposed to have done for the day, plus the homework. When we got home, he went to work- under supervision. There was nothing except schoolwork and homework, except supper. He ate in silence with the family, and then returned to his work. At 8:30 he had a bath, and hit the bed. Work that was completed went to school the next day, and when I picked him up, we added whatever work needed doing. If he had unfinished work when Saturday rolled around, he got to start in work on it at 8am. He got lunch at noon, and then back to work he went. The first Saturday it took him until just before dinner to finish up. He had no TV, no play with friends, no nothing until Monday. I told him if he had done all his days work- including the homework, he could play. If not, then he'd sit until it was done. The rule remained the same- if the work wasn't done, he got to do nothing else. After the first week of no tv, no friends, no video games, no nothing, he got into the swing of it again. I didn't fight him about it, I told him I had to get my work done on time and so did he. End of discussions.
For the back talk, I perfected a dead eye stare, and would tell them in no uncertain terms that I thought they misunderstood who I was and who they were. I was not their buddy, pal or friend, I was their mother and that I would not be talked to in that manner. If they did not understand how to keep a respectful tongue in their mouths, they could have some quiet time to reflect on the error of their ways. That meant a chair in a corner, for 15 minutes, and the timer didn't start until they were quiet. When the time was up I expected an apology and a more civilized manner of behavior. If I didn't get it, back to the corner they went. I had no problem with them asking things, or even complaining, but I required it respectfully and in decent language in a decent tone or voice. I accepted nothing less. It gets tiring on you at first, because it's really a battle of wills, and you just have to stand your ground and prove to the little man you mean business. They seem to like to test themselves on momma a lot farther than they will with Dad, to see exactly how far they can push. If you refuse to budge, they usually give it up after a bit. They will still retest on occasion, just to see if things have changed.
Washing his shorts won't kill him- though the first time you will think it might. Just turn the tables on him, because he thinks it's funny for you to have to deal with them. Hand them back, along with the bucket, and he won't think it's nearly so funny a trick. Tell him their his shorts, and his mess to clean. He has to pick up and clean up his other messes, this one just smells worse- but it's still all his.
Good luck with your battle of wills. Hope you take a good multivitamin, and you can get lots of rest, because you are going to need to be strong to get this little man under control. But give those shorts to him to wash, Mom.

Answer 2

1st of all, you should confirm why he has a situation with wiping. Then bypass from there. of course there is something this is bothering him approximately it. attempt asking a doctor. There may be an ordinary answer. the different selection is to assist him or retrain him on wiping. i understand he's 9 and and ought to have the means to do it on his very own yet there is an obtrusive undertaking here. I had the same undertaking with a nephew while he became approximately 6 or 7. I did ought to help him at situations and wipe his rear for him. He at last grew out of it. And your undertaking, in spite of if older in age, ought to unquestionably be purely a piece. lower back, attempt speaking to him 1st without making him sense undesirable. And if that doesn't artwork, attempt asking a expert. good success!

Answer 3

This is just a perfect example of how kids get the idea that their good behavior is rewarding their parents and bad behavior is punishing parents.

This is why, every time I see a question about potty training, I always tell them that it's a mind game, and no parent should ever let their child get the idea that they are doing us a favor by being potty trained.

So... anyway... let him start dealing with the natural consequences of his decisions. Don't bail him out. Do the laundry as usual, and don't react to his attempts to punish you. He has you by the short hairs, and he knows it. Just back off and let him see what happens when people live like pigs and don't do what they are supposed to do. Once he suffers a few times from the results of his decisions, he will become sick of being in trouble and out of step all the time. That square peg will be looking for your help.

That's when you preach the sermon. "This is why people do what they are SUPPOSED to do... because doing things wrong and not taking care of ourselves makes us uncomfortable and causes trouble." etc. etc. etc.


I♥♫→mia☼☺†

Answer 4

You have received a couple of excellent answers, and I am just here to acknowledge and support that. I have been through the identical situation and it graduated to leaving poop in surprising places and more problems than you can ever imagine you will experience with a child.

Take away everything. Back to square one. Do everything these moms tell you PLUS meet with the teacher, daily if necessary, and make it clear to your son that you will discuss his bathroom problem with the teacher if it happens again. If needed, make it clear that you will also inform the mothers of his friends. You don't need a reason and you don't have to explain yourself. This is a war of the wills and all bets are off.

Remove all traces of privacy. Remove his bedroom door; he can earn it back with good behavior. Count all underwear daily and don't let him do anything until he accounts for every single pair. Take away whatever is important to him. Trust me, you have to win this war right now.

Answer 5

Boy have you got your hands full! Sounds like it's time for the Dr. Phil commando parenting. I would take away EVERYTHING but his bed and dresser, for starters. No privileges at all. My kids aren't allowed any tv or anything until after homework anyway. As for not wiping, I guess you could go one of two routes. Either let him get a rash and rethink his course of action, or, since he wants to act like a baby, pin him down and wash his bum for him! That's just gross! You might want to look into counseling too. Try to find out where all this is coming from. Sounds like he might be angry about something.

Answer 6

It sounds like you have a little devil on your hands. You need to get some sort of control over him before it is too late. Start by taking EVERYTHING except his bed, dresser and area for homework out of his room. No toys, TV, video games. NOTHING. Tell him he can only earn the things back with good behavior. If he backslides take something again that he has earned back. A friend of mine did this with her son and he is now 25 and a college graduate and a great father to his two kids.

Answer 7

Start making him go to the bathroom in front of you so that you know, yeah it's gross but you have to do what you have to do. Just start buying him the adult diapers. And I agree with almost everyone else by taking everything away and let him earn it back. Also try counseling or enroll him in some personal hygiene classes, or take him to the docs to see if they have any resources to help you. But it sounds like he is angry about something just think back to see when this all happened and try to figure out if anything dramatic took place at the same time. But honestly he needs help.

Answer 8

You need to take everything away except his bed, make him do his hokework as soon as he gets home. Then check it and keep making him redo it until it is correct, since he has no privileges anyways, and make him earn everything back by getting good grades, and behaving well, for every A he makes on a school assignment, give him something back, and for every time he wipes give him something back, if he does something bad, take something back.

Answer 9

First off...stop calling it potty. He is 8, not 3.

Let him get a rash and maybe then he'll get a clue.

Dont buy underwear, wash them.

Answer 10

Keep the underwear and make him hand wash them. Once he realizes how disgusting it is, maybe that will shape him up.

Answer 11

Teach him how to wash his own underwear out by hand.