I have 2 boys ages 7 and 9, and just relocated to new state. Very friendly small town everyone knows everyone how do I say their Dad died 5 months ago without causing condolences to start again, I can't answer with "oh its ok" or "we are handling things fine" because really it's not and we are'nt but there is nothing anyone can do or say to help, hope this babble makes sense to someone?
2006-10-07 20:09:11 · 15 answers · asked by Brenda D 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
When people hear, either from you or from community members, they will want to offer you their condolences...it shows good people can be, I suppose. But I understand what you're saying, it's obviously a very hard thing to deal with, especially with your young children, and of course you don't want people feeling encouraged to ask you - or your children - questions and details. Simply stating that your husband has recently passed away, and saying "thank you" when people say "I'm sorry" is probably enough. If they push you for details, or try to engage you in a family-death conversation, "Oh I know what that's like, my uncle died not long ago..." really, you can interject with "I'm sorry, I really can't talk about this kind of thing right now, please excuse me" and walk away.
2006-10-08 02:42:35 · answer #1 · answered by Holly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a small town, people will find out quickly, so you are right to have something ready." I'm a widow, and it's still so new for the boys and I, we just can't talk about it yet." Or, it's only been 5 months since the boys lost their Dad. We can't talk about it, yet."
"Everyone was so nice back home, now we just need to start healing" Or be direct,"the boys get really upset when we talk about the loss of their father." Or take it on yourself, "I get really upset when I have to tell people I'm a widow, it's only been 5 months."
That should shorten the condolences, and maybe word will get out, not to mention it to you.
People really do mean well, and most do not mean to hurt you, they really are trying to help.There will be other widows asking you if you need something, get their names, and tell them you will talk about it a bit later, when you can do so without embarrassing yourself by sobbing. They might really have a good idea for how to cope.
So sorry for your loss.
2006-10-07 21:33:13 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well If you dont want to hear it, you could try a couple of things.
instead of saying he passed away, you could say, Their Father isn't With us any more ( and leave it open ended, if they dont know he's gone, they're less likely to say their, i'm so sorries)
Or you could be more crass/comical with a more leasurely comment such as, He kicked the bucket , or bit the bullet, I know it sounds bad and it's no disrespect to your husband, but it helps to lighten the situation, if you seem ok enough with it to joke about it or make it a light hearted type of comment they'll be less likely to feel guilty for prying.
When my father passed away when I was ten i constantly got the, I'm so sorry for your loss, and you know what, when people say they're sorry, they're not really sorry you lost someone, they're really saying I'm sorry for asking, I'm sorry for forcing you to bring up unpleasent facts, I'm sorry if I made you feel sad etc. Remember people dont always know what to say, I mean, they don't want to be rude, and lets face, it if they said, so where's your husband? and you say, he passed away five months ago, if they say, Oh cool, wanna do lunch, it would be a bit off putting.
I'd go with the crass/comic thing if you're comfortable with it. Good Luck, things will be ok.
2006-10-07 20:22:58 · answer #3 · answered by slices_of_heaven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 32, with 2 children at home when my husband died in car accident. You answer with I am a widow, sorry to say. If they ask how your doing, say we are doing the best we can. And if someone asks in front of the boys, walk away. I wish you the best and I am sorry for your loss.
2006-10-07 20:47:26 · answer #4 · answered by spuds_suds 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's not possible. People are going to feel like expressing their condolences to you. And since they mean well, it would be very rude to shut them up. You'll have to toughen up and grow to be insensitive to their condolences, till you can cope with them. Or else, lie to people, and say you're divorced or a single mum.
2006-10-07 22:04:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
only tell if asked directly i guess the children will soon get the word around but i am afraid that in a small town people will always want to console and help you but this is not a bad thing accept their good intentions for what they are, there are actually people out there that do care so please don't turn them away you will need all their love and kindness to help heal your wounds
2006-10-07 20:26:52 · answer #6 · answered by trvrrhds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be difficult not to get people condolences after hearing what happened. Maybe you shouoldnt say anything, Im sure they will guess or someone already knows and will tell them on your behalf.
2006-10-07 20:14:08 · answer #7 · answered by sweetiegirl_mx_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be honest. There is no need to put up appearances. You could say: "My dear husband passed away and we're having a tough time at the moment." That should give you the space you need.
2006-10-08 03:58:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People will continue to offer condolences. A response might be to simply thank them for their concern.
2006-10-07 20:37:15 · answer #9 · answered by ValleyViolet 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No getting around it unless you tell one person and ask this person to spread the news/info about your marital status and request that everyone don't bring up the subject about your husband.
2006-10-07 23:46:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋