I'm only 13 but I'm so scared that my children in the future are going to make the same mistakes as me. I don't want then to feel like I'm holding them back from things, but I also want them to be safe. It would be so upsetting if I hurt them in anyway or if they hated me. Please help.
2006-10-07 18:34:58 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Wow.
Your job when you are a parent is not to let your kids make the same mistakes as you did. Problem is, they will either rebel and hate you, or just make new and different ones....
Relax and have fun. You're 13, and unless you are pregnant you have a long way in front of you to make sure you're a decent mom
2006-10-07 18:37:23 · answer #1 · answered by PinkPrincessNerd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello! I'm curious why you are worried already about how your children may turn out? You are 13 and have plenty of time to grow. If you feel you have made some mistakes already in life, then change what you can and strive to be better. Someday when you have children it will come naturally to you to protect them from this world and it's evils. Just because you encourage them to do good does not mean that you are holding them back from anything. I'm sure that you will do fine as long as you are honest with them and let them know your concerns. Be a young adult for now and have fun (in a good way!) and the rest will come soon enough!!!
2006-10-07 18:48:06 · answer #2 · answered by stretch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiance feels the same way. I read your question before about your mother calling you a *****, and my fiance has told me stories just like that.
She doesn't like the way her mother has treated her, and she is terrified of being a mother herself. Or at least, she used to be. I met her when she was 18, and she swore she would never have children. But I've been with her for almost 5 years now, and I see her with children, and with our two cats (which are the best cats in the world), and I can tell she would be a fantastic mother.
Her mother is not very loving, and does not hug her or show her love very much. So she's scared she'll be that way with her kids. But she can't see how loving and caring she is with me and our pets and with my nephews.
As for mistakes, everybody makes those. It'll be hard to make sure your kids are safe, but it's hard for everyone. And you'll probably have at least 10 years before you even have to think about dealing with it. Think about all the good things about having children. They'll outweigh the bad things.
Plus, you'll be married when you have kids. So you'll have a husband to help you with everything. You won't have to do it alone. So take your time before you have children, and find a good man to marry. But don't worry about it now. Things happen slowly as we get older. There's plenty of time. In ten or twenty years you'll have kids, and you'll do your best to love them and take care of them, and they'll love you.
2006-10-07 18:44:48 · answer #3 · answered by stevejensen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are off to a good start. If most of the parents I've dealt with had your attitude, their children would have at least had a chance.
Some children learn from others mistakes, while some children have to make their own, but either way, if they have a parent that loves them (and shows it), they will know who to come to for help.
Don't start drinking, smoking, or messing with narcotics. If you do, your children will suffer. Most people cannot drink in moderation, and trying to discipline with impaired judgement will usually end in abuse. Smoking can cause all kinds of illnesses in children. Narcotics own you -- I have never seen any parent that messed with drugs that did not abuse their children -- NEVER.
There are different ways to raise children, but the main thing is to show them love, respect, and make them mind. They will grow up to imitate what they SEE, not what they HEAR.
Good luck and God bless.
2006-10-07 18:59:08 · answer #4 · answered by tnmack 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey dont even think about having babies! at least til ur financially independant and have the man that treats u like his princess
dont be scared, take evening primrose oil with fish oil everyday and it will help you not to worry about things that are not a priority yet.
if 'scared of being a bad mum' still bothers u terribly i think a homeopathic consultation should give u a special 'no worry' formula
email me and i'll email you a great money making home biz!!! i wish i had this same opportunity when i was 13!!
try to focus on school & the home biz in ur spare time and dont worry, everything will turn out fine. ..... theres a time for everything!!!
2006-10-07 19:28:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't start thinking about kids until you are older. Get on birth control if you are having sex. Also, you don't know how you're going to end up yet, even if you have made some mistakes. It sounds like you realize the mistakes you've made and now you have plenty of time to fix them and live the life you want to live. Don't give up on yourself, don't settle into a self that you are not happy with and hope that you're kids do better, you have time to do better for yourself. Then they will be able to model themselves after you and so be a good role model for them.
2006-10-07 18:43:58 · answer #6 · answered by Stephanie S 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Put these ideas in the back of your mind right now and reanalyze them when you're twenty. Then look back at your teenage years and think, "was what I did then right/moral and would i promote it in my children?"
Your children when they're your age will do all kinds of effed up stuff, some you don't even want to know about. But it will be stuff that will make them unique and hopefully through actions make them wiser.
Dont fret abt it now. Being cautious,though, doesnt hurt sometimes.
2006-10-07 18:39:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don`t you think we all have that fear, somewhere deep inside?? None of us ever plan to hurt our children, but sometimes we have to...not because we hate them, but BECAUSE we love them. You can`t keep your children from making mistakes, that is how they learn, that is how we all learn! You screw something up, you won`t do it again (and if you do, it is not a mistake anymore, it is stupidity).
You will see things differently in the future. It will get better.
2006-10-07 19:46:49 · answer #8 · answered by Roxie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your young dont worry about it....if your pregnant or this is really afecting you then get help in a way of research.......if your parents were good parents then figure out what they did that was right.....realize your mistakes and figure out a way that would prevent your future children from making it.....find a balance between freedom and disipline.....and unfortunetly a lot of kids hate their parents a little........do you want them to hate you as kids then thank you later when their older by keeping them in check or do you want them to do whatever they want now and like and then screw up their lives later.........balls in your court but i think you should do whats best for your future kids no matter how they will feel about you
2006-10-07 18:40:24 · answer #9 · answered by anonymous 27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're experienced in the real world... when you have kids, you'll be able to give them an educated perspective on the mistakes you've made, why you made them, and how to avoid them. I admire your concern, but you have to trust yourself: you have a lot of maturing to do, and likely by the time you're old enough to be a responsible parent, you'll be a fantastic mother.
For now, just work on minimizing these "mistakes," so that you last long enough to have kids.
2006-10-07 18:39:11 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋