How do I tell my mother i law to stop spoiling my 4 year old daughter?

Question

Today, my mother in law picked up my daughter to go on a outing to Costco, she told me she had shopping to do & wanted my daughter to point out some things she wanted for Christmas. 3 hours later they come back with baby alive, doras castle, leapster max, a toy shopping cart & a barbie! She brought them in the house & said "she loved them so much, i ust had to get them for her. now" Due to these monthly sometimes weekly outings out basement is loaded w/ toys her room & playroom not to mention our garage & back yard! For Easter she got her the outside Play house/ cottage from Costco or Sams (can't remember, I do know it was 1300) How do I say STOP with out insulting her she dosen't do this with my nefews or my 1 year old son. Any help, please!!!

My huby refuses to take this up with his mother, he thinks I should leave well enough alone. But at this rate I won't have a house left just a hiant toy box

Answer 1

Well I at first I thought I'd go with the answer everyone else was saying, you know, to have a talk with her and tell her to stop it. But then after thinking about it more, I think I found a better solution. Let her continue. Let her enjoy spoling the kiddies. After you daugther is done with various toys and they start collecting dust, donate them to the nearest goodwill or salvation army. This way, you don't hurt her feelings, she continues having a good time with your daughter, your daughter gets to enjoy new things from her grandmother, you don't have to have the 'talk', you'll be doing a great deed via donating, and think of how many less fortunate kids you'll make happy when their parents find some really cheap good toys at goodwill/salvation army. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

Possibly recommend for every dollar she wants to spend she can instead put it into a 529 plan or college savings plan.
That way she can still Give to your daughter, a gift that will last a life time of memories. My husbands grandma saved all the money his parents gave her for babysitting and gave it to him when he was 18. That teaches the kids a lot. You decide what toys come into your home. If you do not want the toys return them or donate them to the local children's hospital. Maybe the grandma needs to spend 1:1 time with your daughter instead of "buying her love" that only backfires. Look at Oprah's site she just did a show 10-6 on spoiling your kids and how much it harms them. Many of my friends wish they had a college fund instead of 400 Barbie Dolls with matted hair! Hope this helps!! good luck

Answer 3

Just tell her...and if she doesn't stop, then politely tell her that even though you appreciate the things for your daughter, you also have a son.

And if she STILL continues, just say: Oh, you know....the children down at the Shelter or some other Organization would LOVE these for the kids! You know, Christmas is coming up and I just KNOW that there are many kids out there who don't have a loving/doting Oma like you who would really love this...

That ought to get the point across. Also, go in the basement and start sorting thru things your daughter doesn't play with and Donate them to places....Like I said, Christmas is coming up, and with so many out of work, it will be very bleak for the kids..

Good Luck!

Answer 4

When your husband refuses to do what is best for his children then he needs a talk also! If she isn't treating all of the kids the same then she is hurting them all, your daughter also. She has to be stopped. Tell her, since hubby will not due his husbandly job of handling his parents to help his own kids,that you appreciate the thought but that you really believe that she is hurting the girl!Your daughter will not know reality and she will be hurt when she falls off of her pedestle! I would refuse to let Grams buy one thing more for her if she wasn't doing the same for my son!! Tell her to put it in a college fund instead. Give her a limit and make her stick to it. B'days one or two gifts, Christmas 2 gifts each child-nephews also,Maybe Easter and Valentines Day one gift each. Tell her that you will accept any extras only to take them to a shelter or hospital for kids.Your children will not be allowed to accept any gifts above the set limit.You may also include that all grandchildren will recieve equal $ gifts as well or they will be returned!You have to protect your kids! Your son is small now but he is probably picking up that she is closer to his sister.He will be hurt and think he isn't good enough if she keeps this up, so will the nephews. I know because my grandparents only loved my oldest bro. and my oldest cousin and the rest of us got left out! My grandson has a great-grandmother on the other side that treats him like a prince and his brother like dirt! My daughter finally got it through to her by stopping visitation all summer. She has started doing much better and treats them more equally!My niece has rich in-laws that do the same and hers are the only grandkids to an only son!All 3 girls have their college paid off aleady because she put her foot down on too many gifts!Your hubby may have been her fav kid and that is why his child gets the most.Please be tough though sweet and stand up for both of your kids and the nephews so everyone will be happy and well-adjusted!You may be the only one to take a stand since your hubby said let things stand. He doesn't want to make waves, it sounds like. Best wishes for a happy family!

Answer 5

ok I thought I had it bad, you need to stop letting your child go on these outings with her for a while and maybe she'll get the hint,if not regardless of what ure husband has to say about it tou need to talk to this woman because ure right thats just getting way out of control,if it were me I'de be telling her look this is my child and I can't get her the things like you do and all the time and further more thats totally unfair to the little boy,I'm sorry but I would have done put her in her place.I know these kind of things can be hard but you need to think about how this is going to affect your child in the long run,she will be sooooooooooo ect. spoiled if she isn't already and think that she is better than the little boy,you need to stop this now,I used to be worried about hurting her feelings but then I got to thinking well she sertainly dosen't care about my feelings so what the hell,eventually they get over it,I kept my son away from her completly for about 3 months and that was enough for her to relize I wasn't playin games with her.good luck and don't be afraid to tell it like it is sometimes.

Answer 6

How? Tell her very firmly. Let your husband know that he has to back you up. Besides the space issue this is harmful to your daughter. Your mother-in-law is becoming obsessive. This happened to my dear mother too. When she got ill (she had Parkinson's Disease) I rented out my house and went to live with her to take care of her. She had a three level house all to herself and there was hardly any room for my things. My brother and his wife had refused to let their children bring home any more toys, so my mother had the house filled with dolls, toys, stuffed animals, etc. that she was "keeping" for their two girls. This was almost an illness with my mother. The girls started to take advantage of this. They also had no regard for anything because "things" were so easy to get. I don't know a good way for you to tell your MIL to stop, but do it and soon.

Good luck. You can do it.

Answer 7

Tell her she is over indulging your child and you don't want her to become so spoiled. Maybe mention she is showing too much favoritism towards girls. You could suggest your mother-in-law keep some of the toys at her house for when the kids visit.
Or better yet, make your husband talk to HIS mother.

Answer 8

I know how you feel ,do not be scared to tell her to stop ,just tell her its just words she not going to dye . Beside it's your child you have a right to say enough is he enough. Do not let this keep HAPPENING cause it will get worst and that's not good .Just give her a hint ,say that your going to have a yard sale cause your daughter has to much toys ,and you cant take the clutter you feel like you should have a day care .Tell her for x-Xmas you are going to tell people to buy cloths for your daughter cause she has to much toys . that's what I would do try it does hurt to lie a little I do it to my mother-in-law but that's just me cause I cant stand her.

Answer 9

I am a grandmother also, my daughters had a heart to heart talk with me as I was going over board too, they told me they were going to have to build a huge garage to hold all the toys, so now I take them to the movie, or the park, read to them, invite them for sleepovers, and do crafts with them. I love it and they do too, we took a long walk today in the park........also, my one daughter told me to come over and see if I wanted anything she was putting in her yard sale, it was ALL toys I had bought her kids!!!!! (I guess she told me huh?) it sure put it into perspective, but I love them so much as your mother in law does, and I guess we try to give them what we never got and we could not afford for our own.....it is a flaw.

Answer 10

First of all... tell her you want to thank her for EVERYTHING shes given you and your kids. then tell her that if she wants to spend money on them to try and spend it on clothes or things they REALLY need insted of toys. tell her you are getting overwhelm with so many toys in the house. OR you can do a garage sale or give all the old toys away to the salvation army... if you dont really want to confront her then i would do that.