Is it a must for Chinese married couple (10yrs already) to have baby(s)? Husband 36, wife 34 . why?

Question

1. Life is tough for me for the past 5 yrs, low income 1K or less. work 7 days a wk 12 to 14 hrs a day. i'm living in SGP, suprised?
2. To me, life mostly suffering & lots of bad luck.
3. I don't want to burdan next generation.
4. If i have children, i want to give the best of everything. But i know i can't now.
5. I ask this question because under lots of pressure for relitive and friends. All asking "when have baby" when ever meet.
6. I don't want my child to suffer. Try to imagine your own life......
a. New born - you cry.
b. First day at school - you cry
c. All exams - ha ha need to explain?
d. NS for male - tough but remember & talk about for life.
e. Love affair - heart breaking at lease once.
f. Job - talanted but non seem to aware.
g. Family - who dare to say i have no family problems.
h. Sickness - high expanses, all human get it sooner or later.
i. Old age - look around U!!!
j. death - thats not the end. Just begining of next cycle.
k. many more no space....

Answer 1

I know how you feel cos I am a Singaporean too, though I am single.

I hold similar views to having children but my point is, you should make the decision based on what you and your wife wants out of life.

if you feel like having children (or a child), do go ahead as they can be bundles of joy, depending how you see it. life can get by, really.

if you do not want any (be it pressure as it seems in this case or other reasons), then please dont. if you are not ready, then there is no way you can bring happiness to the kid.

have you discussed with your wife?

Answer 2

It is irrelevant what nationality/race you are, if you don't want to bring another child into this miserable world, you are certainly NOT obligated to do so. There was a time when human survival depended on reproduction but that is NOT THE CASE NOW!

You list a lot of good reasons why you shouldn't. The miserable world I previously spoke of is only going to get worse with the population multiplying more than earth can provide. Technology almost has taken over for control of the masses. The child(ren) would be subject to the terrible events headed our way, when anyone 40 and over really doesn't worry too much about the future past their remaining years. This is why I only had one child and I have schooled her the best I could for it.

I personally don't see any pros in the "pros and cons" of your question. Do the unborn child and yourself a favor, stick to your guns. Other people doesn't have to raise this child nor do they have to feel guilty about bring one into the world. Ignore what they say. Good luck!

Answer 3

Whether or not you want to have a child depends on your own decision.You should not let your friends,relatives,etc pressure you into making a decision.Your decision should have nothing to do with whether you are chinese,malay,etc..Chinese tradition centuries ago is that you have to bear children to pass down the family line.Another reason is so that more people can work in the fields to produce more food to eat.I am sure that in this day and time,especially in singapore,you do not have to abide by this tradition.People generally have children because they want and love children,not because they want to carry down the family line.Hence,what is most important is whether do you WANT a child?Maybe you should try to upgrade your skills and job in order to earn more money,thus being able to provide more comfort for your family,with or without a child.Life is short,hope you can make full use of it,enjoy it to the fullest and be optimistic.Maybe you can compare yourself to the less fortunate,then you will realise that singaporeans are generally a lucky batch=)

Answer 4

Well, it is normal for people to ask you why you dun have children.. you know.. it is kind of like everybody's dream life mah...

When you do have ONE.. they will ask you why never have the second one or when is the second one coming.. you will get used to it..

Actually, the point is WHETHER you want to have a child or not. If you do, there are many things you can do to improve your life and your earnings so that you can give your child a better life.

If you don't then I think your list is likely to go on and on and on.. even IF you had the ability to feed your child...

Dun have to bother about them if you dun feel like having one ;) It is your life after all.. talk is easy leh.. give birth, rear and teach is the difficult part... and you are the one who has to bear the responsibility. Diff people diff priorities in life...

I am not surprised that you are living in SGP but more surprised that you work such long hours and earn so little and am doing nothing much to change or improve your life...

Please go to this link and read:
http://dreamsincredibles.blogspot.com/2005/09/parable-of-pipeline.html

If after you read this and find that you would like to become a pipeline builder, please email me at [e-mail] and we will discuss your qualifications...

Answer 5

You are a selfish fellow. In the first place ,don't get married. Married life without a child is like a incomplete family where something is lost, should you realised. Your present age and finances of yourself and your wife, should be no problem of getting at least 1 child. Hurry up ! go on and try for just 1 child. For your own sake and also the country.

Answer 6

If you worry to much, nothing can be done. Sometimes, a baby in the family makes the family more happy & change your life/views on certain aspects in life. But then, this is my personal view on having a baby.

Answer 7

You are realistic, good for you.

If you are not prepared to bring a child to this world, pls don't. It is a tremendous responsibilty & Until you are prepared, then do so.

Heck care those around you giving you pressure, tell them ultimately you are the only who is bearing the child & bringing him up, do not act on their pressure?

Wait until you are ready, OK?

Answer 8

I hold the conservative and traditional Chinese view that a family is not complete without children unless for health reason you can't have one. period.

Answer 9

The break up letter, God's e mail and definition of spouse and mom have been only too stable. day after today morning the 1st element i may be doing ofcourse after brushing my teeth may be telling them to my pals! You deserve lots of stars! ok my character map isnt permitting me to repeat stars, so please alter with those hearts! ??????????????????????????????????????..... LOL God knows what proportion thumbs down i gets for this one! besides, Cheers! :) Rudra