how many times should you tell a child?

Question

as we all know we have to tell our children lots and lots of thing lots and lots of times
my question is how many times should i tell my child before he gets in trouble
also what kinds of things merit spanking
and please only parents answer and include your number of children and ages please (for comparison sake)
and by the way mine are 5 and 1 so were talking little kids

Answer 1

I have 3 girls, ages 3, 7, and 10
For minor things -
They all know if i warn them once, they had better straighten up, the second time is trouble. usually time in on there bed, or taking something away (toys, friends, TV...) A third time is spanking.

The following are reasons we go right to a spanking, these are our core rules, if they break them spanking is the only punishment.

In no order of importance

1) Telling a lie. I am not talking about creativity and imagination here, I am talking about a straight up lie.

2) Getting in trouble in school. Any time a teacher has to take time out of there busy days to talk to me about some misdeed my girls have done, it is a automatic spanking.

3) Anything dangerous, for example - playing with electrical outlets, running into the street.... These are things that you would rather they have a red bottom, then one less child if you know what I mean.

4) Bad words, insert your own here, what ever you deem as a bad word.

5) misbehavior in public, with family, or with friends.

I am sure I forgot some but these are the basic ones.

Good Luck

Answer 2

You tell them once, the 2nd time is a reminder and a punishment. Of course, with a one year old you have to physically remove the child from the situation (i.e. don't touch the TV or crawl in the fireplace or drop stuff in the toilet) they don't understand. But a 5 year old certainly can and if you aren't consistent with discipline he or she will walk all over you until they move out of the house.

I have two boys, who are now 23 and 17. I also grew up in a large family where discipline was metted fairly and with love. We knew the rules and the consequences if we misbehaved was a spanking or worse (restriction and doing all the dishes because we didn't have a dishwasher).

Answer 3

Consistancy is the name of the game. If you are going to threaten...do it once...make sure they hear you, tell them what the consequences will be...and then follow through. It will seem frustrating at first because kids will challenge your authority. Remember to make the "punnishment fit the crime." That way, you are teaching them...disipline means "to teach." Do it with love.
I believe that spanking is a last resort and reserved for direct difiance. Talking back and being disrespectful. However,exception to that might be if I had a child that did not listen to me and ran out into the street...I would feel that I would need to make that child remember never to do that again...you may not get a second chance.
Just remember "consistancy."

Answer 4

My son is going to be 3 on Nov. 27 and I tell him don't make me get to 3. Tristan 1...Tristan 2...Tristan if I have to count to 3 your going to get a spankin and usually he stops but if I do count to 3 I pop his butt. I hardly ever count past 2 though b/c he knows I mean business same thing with his daddy. I'm 32 weeks pregnant right now and high risk so my patience level isn't the greatest so I'm really not going to put up with a bunch of nonsense. The way I feel about it I'm the parent your the child it's my way not yours. My son acts up for me a lot b/c I'm mommy but I'll be damned any time anyone takes him any where they always tell me how well behaved he is so I know his father and I are doing something right. Plus, another thing I do if he is throwing a fit is tell him to go to his room I don't want to listen to it he goes in there cries untill he's finished and then he can come out. It normally only last 1-2 mins. But if he is out in the living room with me he will carry on.

Answer 5

Personally I spank for things like not staying away from the street, or doing other dangerous things. Fireplaces, electrical out lets, etc. Otherwise, depends on age. At 5 you should be able to only ask twice. A one year old may be too young to really understand, so you may need to pick them up and move them along. Sometimes it works well to get down to their level and speak eye to eye so you are sure of full attention.

Answer 6

I have two girls age 8 and 3 1/2.
What i have learned is that I pick my battles.
It depends on what they are doing at the moment, maybe they really didn`t hear me. Or...am I doing the same thing to THEM? Sometimes I will be so into the computer (lol) or something else, that I just don`t hear them call me or don`t want to hear them (ignore them), so...I am guilty, too.
Spanking is not my thing. I have spanked my older one before, in anger (which is really really bad bad bad), but I respect my children too much to do that ever again.

Kids are very sensitive and HOW you ask or say something is a big deal to them. Example, I am in the living room and yell (otherwise she wouldn`t hear me) at my child in her room to brush her teeth and put her pajamas on. Is she going to do it? NO. I have to GO TO HER and look at her and tell her to do it. You have to constantly reinforce the rules. Oh yeah, make sure they HAVE rules and KNOW them. Of course i have moments where i say, "how many times do i have to tell you" or "I shouldn`t have to tell you 10000 times"...but then...I can be like that too, sometimes...I think the most bothersome thing is that "how dare they not do as I ask!" I feel disrespected, but that is not even what they meant to do, it`s mostly my stubbornness...
So...my advice is...pick your battles, have patience, have sense of humor, look them in the eye and sit down when you talk to them, speak in a soft voice (don`t yell), respect them.

Answer 7

The Five Steps are a technique developed by Lisa Kuzara-Seibold, Minister of Early Childhood Education at Word of Grace Church in Mesa, Arizona. This example of The Five Steps is an adaptation of what is taught in her training manual.

Step 1: State your request and offer a reason.

Example: "You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up. It is time to leave."

Step 2: Restate your request.

Example: "You need to stop yourself from playing and clean up."

It is helpful to get down on the child's level and touch your child while looking in his eyes to make sure you have his attention.

Step 3: Offer help.

Example: "You are having a hard time stopping your play. Can you stop playing and clean up or do you need my help?"

Whether your child requests help or not respect their wishes. Help is not a punishment, it is help.

Step 4: Help.

Example: "You are not stopping your play. Here, let me help you."

Again, help is not a punishment. It is an acknowledgment that your child is unable to stop on their own. This may be due to a lack of maturity, being tired or hungry, or simply not wanting to stop.

Step 5: The Bear Hug.

Stand behind your child and wrap your arms over her shoulders and across her chest. Hold her arms with your hands if you are concerned about her striking out. Squat down to her level and speak gently in her ear that you are helping her stop herself and that you will let her go when she can stop herself. Gentle pressure on her shoulders can keep her from kicking or attempting to run from you. This is not a punishment. It is providing outside boundaries for a child who lacks internal boundaries.

What merits a spanking? Absolutely nothing. I use the five steps with my girls. They are usually right there at the second request. Sometimes the third. Rarely the fourth. I've never had to do the fifth.

Answer 8

First off, it all depends on their age and the offense. If it is something small I usually do the three strikes and you're out rule. If it is big I warn them ahead of time and if they do it there are no warnings and they are in trouble. If you are going to use spanking. I would say only in cases that are very serious and they are either purposely disobeying you or are putting themselves or someone else into danger.

Answer 9

u shouldnt have to tell no child more than 3xs...but w most kids or at least ur own every now and then is like five but....u will know when to get serious...u cant go wrong bc theres no right or wrong....if so who set the standard...they r ur kids and u handle the best way u can as long as u teach em respect manors and love then theyll learn everything else naturally....common sense and wisdon is what u want then to have and theyll get that from us hopefully...

Answer 10

i am 29 and i have one Lil boy who is three!
when ever i tell my son to do something and he does not do it, i will confront him and he will get on the ball.you must use the wisdom to see when he needs a spanking. on major things i tell him once if he disobeys its a automatic whippin! and when i discipline my son i talk to him, i also make sure i am not angry! i whip my son in love with calmness, sometimes it kinda hurts me to cause my son to cry, but a child that is disciplined will grow up with a sense of reaction for every action which will cause them not to make many of the foolish things we did in the past. but all ways show your children love! discipline combined with love gives them the perfect ingredient they need to be successful in life. oh and back to the major things: for an example: i told my son about the electrical sockets, not to touch them and that if i saw him messing with it daddy would whoop you! and eventually he messed with it, immediately i spanked him and spanked him good!...... he never even looks at it anymore, he tells other kids to stay away. you show the sign of a good father who cares about his child's well being, i know sometimes its a tuff job as a parent but the more harder you work at it the more Honor and respect with and a smile knowing that inside you did a good job raising your kids. continue on your path my friend!