2006-10-07 16:43:01 · 8 answers · asked by ☻Cool Beans☺ 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Languages
GWB is invited to Buckingham Palace for a state visit, and he is told that he can bring one person along. So of course he chooses his Vice President Dick Cheney. When they are there, the Queen gives Dubbya a beautiful hunting dog as a present.
Back in Washington, D.C. Bush brags to Donald Rumsfeld, "Y'know, my hunting dog really is very special!"
"Why is that?" Rumsfeld wants to know.
"Well for one thing, he has two assholes," Bush replies.
"How do you know that?" Donny asks.
"You see," Dubbya explains, "When Dick and I took him for a walk in Hyde Park the first evening, we walked by an elderly couple, and the husband turned to his wife and exclaimed, 'Look at that beautiful dog with the two assholes!'"
2006-10-08 06:18:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Paint Can
A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from sex for one whole month."
The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the Church.
Then the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying, and the husband is obviously very depressed.
"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.
"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.
The pastor asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.
The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there, admitted the man, shamefacedly.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot, either.
2006-10-08 07:48:03 · answer #2 · answered by Hi y´all ! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your first time.
As you lie back your muscles tighten.
You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid, and you shake your head bravely and mumble no.
He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-- he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel slight trickle of blood as he continues.
He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.
Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.
He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
Keep reading on below...
You smile and thank your dentist!
After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
What were you thinkin'?
PERVERT I know what you were thinking
2006-10-07 23:47:43 · answer #3 · answered by Party Girl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The funniest joke I can think of is--Atheism.
2006-10-07 23:45:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If u said something really stupid and u feel bad u said it, u say "hahha, it was a joke, get it?"
2006-10-07 23:45:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell your friend you are going to give her a crib for her baby shower...Then, when you give it to her, it'll be a Wal-mart cart with pillows in it! Hah! It works everytime!
2006-10-07 23:46:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
police joke.
2006-10-08 01:32:02 · answer #7 · answered by prince47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when someone says "excuse me?" for clarification, i just say "it's okay. we didn't smell it." i sometimes can't help it i love saying that and it's so funny, they're all "huh?!" lol :)
2006-10-07 23:45:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋