Can a father who absolutely did not want the 3rd child ever love the baby?

Question

I'm 4 months pregnant with #3. My first child has a diff. father who has no contact w/ us. The 2nd and this 3rd baby is from the man who I've been w/ for over 4 years. We didn't plan on the 3rd, weren't prepared for it, but we ended up pregnant. He immediately told me to get an abortion b/c he thinks we can't afford this child. Well yeah we wouldn't be able to NOW if we had to send all 3 kids to college tomorrow, but that is years ahead of us. After demanding I get an abortion up until a couple of weeks ago (which I did not - abortion is something I personally can't do) he does not mention the pregnancy at all, doesn't care to know anything and even got mad at me yest. for telling MY parents - I'm 4 months along!! He says he now feels trapped in our relationship (we aren't married), not that he was ever going to leave before the pregnancy, but now he feels he can't leave even if he wanted to. I fear now that after the birth he won't love baby, I know he already thinks less of me.

Thanks for the answers. He says he thinks less of me because he thinks it was an absolutely STUPID decision to have a child HE thinks we cannot afford. He keeps saying, even up till last night, that "my stupid indecision (not having an abortion) is very selfish and I'm a fool for keeping the baby when you (I) know we can't afford it."

Answer 1

Well, how the heck can he think less of you? It takes TWO to tango, so he's just as responsible for this baby as you are. Anyway, if he was never thinking of leaving, then why does he list not being able to leave as a reason to not have this baby? Don't fear, and don't worry. You'll get through this and come out on top, WITH or WITHOUT him.

Just read the addition you added. Okay, first of all, doing what you believe is right, and what you feel is best for your child, is NOT selfish. He is the selfish one, by trying to make you feel guilty for something he is just as responsible for. Don't let him verbally abuse you, and try to guilt you into something you don't want to do. Keep standing your ground and let him know that what's done is done, so he needs to suck it up and be a friggin man. Please e-mail me if you ever need to vent or talk with someone!

Answer 2

I recently read an article on the exact same topic in an American Baby magazine. The baby's father didn't have anything to do with the entire pregnancy and the mother didn't even want him present at the birth. He did end up being there for the birth and his whole outlook changed right then and there. Him and his daughter are inseperable now. It was an article that brought tears to my eyes. I can't speak for him, but it will be hard for your baby's father to not love the baby once it's born. Hopefully, as the months go on, he will figure things out. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your other children.

Answer 3

He will love it. And you need to leave him. If he thinks that this is a "trap" then he should have used protection. And why is he blaming it on you? You are a good, strong person for not getting the abortion. No matter what, you love those kids. He will love it once is it born. Men have a problem with not wanting the baby because they don't have a connection to it. Where the girl feels a connection the moment she find out she is pregnant. He will love it once it is born. Keep strong and keep your head up.

Answer 4

He my never feel close to this baby and that will harm the baby emotional than anything, why would you want to bring a child into a family when one of the care takers doesn't want them it's not fair you might want to consider adoption. You can take the chance that he might grow attachment to the child but why risk it and be left to raise three kids alone. A man does not like to feel trapped they will do more harm to your relationship and family if they stay, so you really need to talk with him and see exactly where he stands for sure and then you are going to have to make a really tough decision on this one. You need to way your options. Talk with your family and see how they feel and see if they can give you some help or some form of support.

Answer 5

Life is ironic, would it not be the silliest, if that child grows up to be the apple of his eye! If your 4 months along, I guess it's about time you told your parents, another few weeks everyone is going to wonder why you didn't say anything! Sounds as if your husband (If you have been living together long enough for 2 children, he is your common-law-husband) may be having issues with his ability to commit to and support, (both emotionally and financially) his growing family. Sometimes the passage of time is enough (My look at that apple!) Outside help might be an option to consider. There are various different types of counselling groups available depending on what/which problem you are addressing.:)

Answer 6

Wow. Nothing like a little support huh?? Like you don't have enough on your mind. MAYBE,{ I'm going out on a limb here, and giving him the benefit of the doubt} He is just in the initial "freaking out" stage. Of course, if he is any kind of a man, he will love his child!! But it IS scary...for both of you, if your not financially and or emotionally ready for this baby. But, the baby is coming, so if he doesn't come around soon, get rid of him. You don't need the added stress. But I have a feeling, that he will get used to the idea. I hope so, for you, and the baby's sake. Good Luck!!

Answer 7

He may be mad now, but how can he resist the cute little, helpless baby that will be coming into your lives each child in his or her own way are unique and have their own personalities, I hope this one looks just like him. Besides if you wait until you can afford a child, you and millions of others, would never know the joy of being a parent. Just hang in there, I believe when the baby is born, or shortly thereafter, you will see a big change in him.
When I was pregnant with my daughter her Dad swore it wasn't his child, she was red haired with blue eyes, one evening when she was two, he held her up and said "If you were my child you would have green eyes like mine" the next day she did, in fact, have green eyes, only for a couple of weeks, but, enough time, to let him know that this is his child (she looks like me). He never denied her again and was, and is, forever Daddy's little girl!
Good Luck

Answer 8

Why should he think less of you? Did you get yourself pregnant? I think not. Don't be afraid to talk to him. Tell him not to feel trapped, to move on if he doesn't want the relationship. Hopefully you can support yourself and 3 kids. But a reluctant father will be a miserable husband if the two of you get married. Be sure if he leaves that you get child support for the 2 kids.

Answer 9

It is not likely he will come around through the pregnancy, but a lot changes after the baby is here. Once he holds his child he may do a complete turnaround. It is wonderful that you held your ground and did not abort. Maybe just let your man vent for awhile and try your best not to be upset. If he threatens to leave, let him. I bet it wouldn't take all that long for him to miss you and want to come home.

Answer 10

CAN a father love the baby? Sure he can...but the question is: Do you think HE will?
I am very sorry that he isn`t happy about it. Maybe he is just desperate and feels guilty for not being able to provide for it financially. But being there emotionally is a lot more important. I hope he will realize his true feelings soon! I really do.Good luck for all of you.