Why don't parents teach their kids to be independent?

Question

When I first went to college I found it weird the amount of kids that did not know how to do laundry. I Saw so many pink shirts that weren’t supposed to be pink it is not funny freshman year. My mother taught me in like 6th or 7th grade and by 8th I had to do my own every week. If I did not wash my clothes I had nothing cleaned to put on. Also I met kids that their parents still cleaned their rooms and brought the food to the table and cleared it.. They had no idea how to do anything for themselves. Even after college I found people that couldn’t even make something simple to eat for themselves so the ate out all the time not because they want to but because they have to that is just sad I am a parent now and I know my daughter will clean her room and learn to wash clothes because I am not doing it for 18 years or GOD forbid later

Answer 1

I guess in alot of ways, I was kind of "forced" to be independent. My Mom had my sister when I was 5 yrs old....she had to have an emergency Csection with her...then 3 days later..she had an emergency radical hysterectomy.
I was in Kinder at the time & Mom was Single..my dad left when she was 4 mo's pregnant. I had to get myself up every morning...get my breakfast, make my sister's bottles (my aunt showed me how), get myself dressed, move my sister into Mom's room, & then go to school....upon coming home, I took care of my sister & on the nights my aunt didnt come over after work...I made my Mom & I the best Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwhichs around!..so Mom said anyway....lol...
That started MANY yrs of "helping" Mom take care of my sister. I was the care taker, Mom worked 3 jobs to support us...when she got sick, I took care of all of us. I learned early in life that in order to get things, sometimes you just have to do them yourself. I learned to how to cook from my Grandma, since Mom hated to cook..lol....
I guess you can say I learned to take care of myself, by myself, in alot of ways. I grew up in the late 70's & early 80's...& didnt have time to be a follower.
Today, I am a 32 yr old single Mother. My kids are 7 & 8. Even though, I have my Mom living with my now, my kids have learned that if your hungry, you know where the bread & Peanut Butter are....if your thirsty, you know where the milk & juice is. I have a special cabinet for them, where I keep their snack foods that is low, where they can get into with a stool.
Also, my kids have learned, you mess it up, you clean it up. I have special baskets in each room, when they change their clothes, they know, whites go with whites, colors with colors, reds with reds...& so on.....they do really good....& I dont think I am being obsessive about it...I just want them to know how to do it..since I am not always home, with working 2 jobs myself.
My kids also know how to work the washer & dryer, the dishwasher, the microwave & start their own bath waters. Having to do it for myself at a young age made me feel so grown up. So, I have my own kids do it, since I am trying to teach them thier Independance.
I have several cousins who now live like slobs or dont know how to do certain things since Mommy did it for them. Which is kind of sad, since most of my cousins are my age.
I think you NEED to teach your kids how to take care of themselves...it is a matter of survival for when they do get out on their own.
What would happen if we didnt have fast food restaurants & people couldnt cook?...would they starve to death or learn how to cook?.....I live in a College town now, alot of the kids here are on their own for the first time in their lives, & they dont know how to cook, clean or wash clothes. I have had to tell one College kid I work with how to make Spaghetti...then she called me crying because she burnt the noodles....it was sad.
Something else I was taught, I worked for my allowance....did special chores. My kids do too...they also save money to buy things they want. I dont but them video games or movies or anything like that..IF they want it...they save their allowance to buy them for themselves. It works out this way. Sometimes, they find other things they want to spend their money on, like Girl Scouts or Karate, instead of the video games....

Answer 2

Believe it or not this is nothing new. When people move from the "large" family that cared for each other into smaller family groups, Moms & Pops decided it was time to do for their children. When 2 family incomes came along, there was no time so what could not be done got hired out. Leaving so many that never learned. Those that do not learn can not pass it on. It is all in the old saying give a man a fish he can eat for a night, teach him how to fish and he can eat for the rest of his life.

Answer 3

Because of the huge movement in America within the last generation away from parents as disciplinarians. When I was a little kid, I had responsibilities that I was expected to uphold, if I got out of line, I get punished, sometimes spanked (notice I didn't say ABUSED, there is a big difference). It seems parents today are so intent on being their kids friend that somewhere along the way they forget that they are parents, not friends. I can't begin to tell you how many friends of mine, don't punish their kids because they don't want to "hurt" them. A child can't learn independence without learning responsibility

Answer 4

I still see that all the time. I was taught at a young age how to cook, clean, do laundry, and that my education was important. And all that coming from a single mother of 2. I've been taught to be independent and I've taught my all my younger female cousins to be the same too. Unfortunately that is just how life is, and it doesn't look like its going to change any time soon.

Answer 5

I hope your parents know how well they did raising you!
I don`t know why people do what they do. All I know is, my mom did everything for me, too, but that had more to do with her "Obsessive compulsiveness" then anything else...(she still does this, when she comes to visit, she cleans!) So, after I got married and moved out, my (ex)husband had to teach me how to do laundry because I had never done it before.
Parents need to understand that they are not doing their kids a favor by doing everything for them all the time. As soon as they are old enough, they should do it for themselves. Kids actually WANT to do EVERYTHING themselves anyway (mine do, it drives me nuts, i can`t do anything for them..)Hey maybe that`s it! Maybe the parents want to still feel needed and useful! Who knows what we will do, once our children have moved on!!

Answer 6

i agree wholeheartedly. my sisters and i have been taking care of ourselves, cleaning up, laundry etc as long as i can remember, and we started making our own lunches when i was in forth grade (it was kind of an uprising against mom's lunches, but it taught us something) Now, my sister lives with three roomates, two are 25 and two are 24, only my sister, who is 24, can cook and clean. she is the only one that keeps house and makes meals, because none of the others know how to!! One of her roommates can't even use the microwave!!! it is crazy, i think, and i see alot of it everyday, because i am a asst. manager at a pizza place and a lot of the teens we interview have no clue. I had to teach one guy that we hired to use a can opener!!! He just sat there and stared at it like it was a foreign object!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

I know exactly what you mean. Due to a certain circumstance my husband's cousin had to move in with us for a while. He was 21yo & couldn't do laundry, couldn't even make Kool-aid! I was not going to be his maid so I quickly taught him how to take care of himself. If he needed clean clothes he had to wash them. If he was hungry he had no choice but to cook. He was on a different schedule than my hubby & I were so he didn't eat when we did.
Parents do need to teach kids to take care of themselves, but I think some parents don't want their kids to know how to do things because if they do then they won't need them anymore.

Answer 8

I agree with you my son is ten and he cleans his room takes out the trash does the dishes makes his own food except for dinner, He does everything on his on and I encourage that. My daughter is almost three and she cleans up after herself and picks out her own clothes and she is already wanting to make her own food which I help with, but I encourage my children to do many things on their own. I teach my kids to be responsible and what the consequences are if they don't do anything. I believe in teaching them this so they are prepared for later in life.

Answer 9

That's really sad. I refuse to do everything for my child, she's going to learn how to survive on her own and the way to do that is to teach her how to be independent early on. I think parents now a days are trying to protect their children from everything and this is why situations like the ones you wrote about are happening.

Answer 10

I think those parents are trying to love their children the best way they know how. My mother was like that.

Now that I am 41, and she has passed away, I realize how much I wish she had forced us to be less dependent on her and more independent.

Answer 11

Either those kids are only childs who were 'waited on' by their parents, or they just dont know how to take care of themselves. Parents should teach their children to be independant, that's better for them than doing everything for them.

Good luck with your girl!