Why is it that men are turned off by a woman who knows who she is and can take care of herself?

Question

If a man starts talking to me or showing an interest in dating , when he finds out that I can take of myself he backs off. I've even had men tell me that I don't "need" him. Things like fixing the leaky sink, changing the oil in my car, repairing the fence in the pasture, making descisions about everyday life I do myself. It is called cost efficient. I've been a single mom for 17yrs. and it blows men"s minds that I do all these things and that I've taught my son how. You would think that a man would like someone that doesn't whine about the leaky faucet for 6 mos, she just sees it needs doing and does it.

Answer 1

"Turned off" ????????????????? sweetheart you sound like the perfect women to me.... can you cook????

Answer 2

I disagree. I think there are men out there that would be attracted to that. I think I'd certainly enjoy it. However, I would suggest something different. If I am off base with this, I apologize in adance.

Maybe it's not your independence that is scaring the men off. Is it possible that "having" to learn that as a single mom left you a little defiant about it? I hesistate to use the word "bitter", because I don't sense that from you, but you could be carrying a bit of pride about your abilities, and that would indeed be a turn off.

I'm not suggesting you have to play the ditzy gal that needs a man's help, either. But is it possible that you wear this independence like a badge? If so, people may read that as not only logistically independent, but also emotionally independent (which would say to someone you don't need them).

Just a thought.

Answer 3

I'm 30 years old, no kids and never been married. I have not met a man yet who doesn't want a woman that is secure in herself. I hunt, fish, fix my own car and faucets. I have found that a man wants to be a man every now and then when it comes to certain things. Every man that I have dated acts like they want a woman that doesn't depend on them. Then when it comes down to it they want to show their masculinity. What I have done with my new Bo is asked him first to fix something and if after a week or two if he hasn't done it I do it. The only problem I've come across is that they don't feel like I need them. So I've learned to leave it alone and find away to persued them to fix it themselves. If they don't then I just nicely explain that if they aren't going to fix it then I will or have someone do it for me. Then he is like Johnnie on the spot to show his manhood. It is funny how men work.

Answer 4

I do not know about other men, but I would love to meet a woman that is truly "independent" and "knows how to take care of herself". It is a welcome relief not to have to constantly "provide" (skills, repairs, favors, etc.) to a woman in a relationship. The two of us could combine and help each other out as needed, it is much better and brings a couple together to work on tasks together and to be able to depend on each other for assistance.

However, since men are generally expected to be the "providers", I can see a man being a little concerned that they would have to bring more to the table in a relationship if the woman is not going to need him to "provide" for her.

Answer 5

I would not be intimidated or turned off by your independence... too bad I have never run into the likes of you before. I think a lot of men are painfully aware that the women in their lives can run circles around them intellectually and emotionally... by seeing how self-sufficient you are, some men probably feel that they might not have much to offer you. Sad but true... hopefully you will find a man who can appreciate you.

Answer 6

They are intimidated by the fact that U are an equal to them in certain areas its like UR in on their game..its a sign of emotional instability anyway......U don't want those guys anyway U are ready for prime stock........just believe U can meet someone who is emotionally comfortable in their bodies and maybe even a little in touch with their femine side...and not afraid to show it......and U will....try going to Urban areas to meet these types of fellows there are many.....

Answer 7

Men love to feel needed. Men need to feel appreciated and they need a woman to depend on him for what they can provide. Men like to take care of women and need to feel that women are responsive to them just like women need men for emotional comfort and nurturing. From a man's point of view there is a world of difference between a needy woman and a woman who needs him. The trick is to make a man feel needed without being helpless.

Answer 8

They only want you to know these things when youre married...not prior, not during dating.
It's funny how men like to 'rescue' and then b**ch and moan about how lazy and helpless and fragile, when most married men nowadays want their 'wives' 'girlfriends' to do everything.
I dont get it. If you were a slave on sale...you'd be the first person they'd pick after the really busty good looking one. Men are confused.

Answer 9

Hopefully you'll find a secure, self-assured man that won't feel threatened by your independence. I'm not sure how you feel about traditional dating roles but maybe if you let/expect him to do things like open the door for you, he'll feel more secure in his role in the date.

Answer 10

I think that you're just meeting a bunch of pussyboys. I think it's GREAT that you can do those things. Over 99% of the women don't even know how to change a tire. Hoorah for you!!!

Answer 11

Because he know there isn't sh*t he can do for you. A man always want to feel needed and if he's not needed they feel like less of a man. A man always want a woman to depend on them because if you do, they feel you can't make it without them.