I just found out my fiance has had a threesome before dating me. Need your advice.?

Question

(with 2 girls) It was over 5 years ago. But how do I get over it? Everytime I look at him thats all I can picture.

Answer 1

It is unfortunate that he told you this or that you found out elsewhere. Just like you, he has a past with good and bad things in it. In a healthy relationship, people recognise the difference between privacy and secrecy. This information is private and really not something you should know about him. What you need to know is that he had sex with people before you (it doesn't matter how many because once someone has had sex, the risk of disease is there, 1 or 100 partners, they could have something) so you can take precautions. A secret is something he intentionally keeps from you that has to do with you and the duration of your relationship. This is not a secret. It happened before you were his partner. This falls under the category of private.

I know that this may be difficult to truly accept. If you cannot, then you need to move on because obviously it is that important to you. Remember, he didn't do this to you. It had nothing to do with you. It doesn't make him a cheater unless he did it while you were together behind your back, which he didn't.

If you think that this act in the past makes him the sort of person whose character you cannot abide with, and you think that he would make the same decision today without regrets (and is therefore unchanged) then you really need to move on. But one of the most loving acts any of us can do is to accept that the person we are with is the person they are today because of the good and bad choices they made yesterday and the lessons they learned from that formed the person we love and cherish now.

Answer 2

If you can't get over it, then there is a problem with the relationship.
One, maybe you just knew that he had a threesome but never talked about it. Two, he never did anything to assure you it was a one time thing and would never ever happen again. Three, though the you two are not yet together then you feel that it is something that he has done to you, and you can't forgive him for it.
Well, if this will always be an issue it is better to call the relationship of you won't have a peaceful mind if you can't go over it. Or the both of you should talk about it. Or give him this chance with you and in doing so it is to accept everything in his past, but SHOULD never be something of the present.

Answer 3

You need to get yourself together. now that was years ago, you need to be concentrating on how he is now, has he ever given you any ounce of worry? Then why do all of a sudden you feel so insecure? This is your problem. The only thing I could suggest is for you to talk to him about it, and get it off your chest, once and for all. Now if this does not work, and the relationship is worth saving, you need counseling. Remember this all happened before you, and therefore, you was not in the picture, and your fiance, has matured since then!

Answer 4

Think of it this way, the past is the past, and alot of people say that their past is what made them who they are today. You should feel greatful that he told you about it in the first place. Things like that can be hard to admit. He is with you now, and obviously wants to marry YOU, not anyone else. I wouldnt let it bother you, although, i know thats easier said than done. Try not to make a big deal out of it though, as it could possibly cause some problems.
The past is called that for a reason. Let it lay in the past, and start new, and make him his own memories of YOU.

Answer 5

Why is it bothering you? Do you really think that you are the only one he's ever slept with, that's very childish and immature! There's nothing for you to get over his past doesn't involve you unless he is still in contact with these women!! Get a Grip!! I hate to be mean or sound unsympathetic, but I don't think that should bother you!! My fiance told me the same thing and he did this on a regular basis with a woman he was dating and her friend!! It doesn't bother me because this happened way before me and he hasn't talk to her in 6-7 years!!

Answer 6

Let the past be just that the past. Unless he is trying to get you into a threesome then why worry about it. Certainly there are areas of your past that concerning also. We all have ghosts in the closet, just leave them there and trust that this stage of his life is over now that he has found you.

Answer 7

Well as a man, we really love being punished for being honest with you. Yea think about it, DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS THAT YOU REALLY DON"T WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER!!!! So you are holding his being honest with you against him. And you wonder if next time you ask a question that he knows he should not tell you the real answer, I'm guessing from now on you will only get the answer you want to hear. If not he needs to start to just tell you, " Of course not honey, you are the first person I ever did anything with."

Answer 8

Hey,

that is his past, now just think of those you have dated before,

i bet they have done things that you do not even know of, or for that matter even unwilling to tell you for fear of your reaction.

Not everyone around you is innocent, not even your friends or best friend.

if you can not accept that someone performed an act that is un acceptable to you. Then one must ask what is it that you base your boundries of acceptance on.

are you really that perfect that you can point to what you consider the faults of others and base your decisions on that.


Seems like you may not really want to be with him, if you are concerned about something five years ago.

were you even with him and did you even know him then.

the guy is just being honest with you, is it realy that hard for you to understand honesty.


i think there is more going on here that what is being said, possibly on both sides.

Answer 9

That was 5 yrs ago.It's one thing if he did it now, but come on. Why does that bother you now? Are you going to let something like that get in the way of a shot at true love and happiness? If you are, then your getting married for all the wrong reasons.

Answer 10

So what? It is past tense. He had it b4 he started dating you. Why does it matter now?

I won't be silly enough to suggest you have a 3-some as well ( 2 guys or 2 gals, depends on your choice) , but hey he is one lucky chap. 3-some!!! Hmmm. it is one of my fantasies.

Reminds me of that episode in Coupling, where the guy thinks that his girl friend is bringing a girlfriend for a 3-some, but she actually brings a guy!