what you think is love marrige is good or arrang marrige is good?

Question

Its true that everywhere is misteks and for that mistake some one shoud be punishid or repay for that.In the arrange marrige where the family mambers take the resposibility to serch the would be new faimly member,they did there best.But if they make any worange desicion then two live, to family compleatly disturbed and a bitterness take place in relation.Being an advocate I myself seen many divorce cases and broaken families.Just a question came in the mind who is resposable to thes thing.Why in socity the person who is going to marry ,why can not take there dicison?but there are also example in society where love marrige too break?
thus I want to know what you feel as a society member what the mode of it sould be and why?

Answer 1

To err is human.

My views are given below:

Love Marriage (meaning arranged by self) by choosing the spouse after some acquaintance:

Advantages:

1) You decide what you want.
2) A feeling of knowing the other person's likes and dislikes
3) A voluntary choice based on positive feelings for each other.

Disadvantages:

1) Nobody can be a good judge when his own kith and kin are involved due to conflict of interest. Much more difficult when self is involved.
2) A false sense of self-righteousness
3) Subjective decision while it should be objective.
4) Love is sometimes blind and you overlook many things.
5) It is the first important decision for most people as they would not have made any important decision in their lives till then. Zero skills in decision making.
6) Your personal circle is smaller than the circle of extended family. So your chances of a wider choice are severely limited. So you take what you get.

Arranged marriage: (meaning parents screen the prospective spouse first and then ask you to decide if their choice is acceptable)

Advantages:

1) Parents are more mature and know the pitfalls in marriage and are expected to select wisely not emotionally.
2) Wider circle of extended family.
3) Parents are generally our best well wishers and they serve without any expectation of returns.
4) When more people ratify a person, it is most probably the better method than a one person decision. Different people look from varying points of view. The final decision is generally left to the bride/bridegroom.
5) Managing a career is in itself a time consuming affair. Who has time to go around hunting for partners? When we want to rent a house it is generally easier to go through references than try and search all on your own. Same holds true for marriages. Final decision is always ours.

Disadvantages:

1) Generation gap
2) Parents views may not match the child's views.
3) May have to marry a complete stranger.

Problems in both cases arise because of the following:

1) Absence of clear requirements or disagreement over the requirements.
2) Over expectation from either side.
3) Poor inter-personal skills.
4) Unexpected requirements after marriage which have not been discussed nor known before.
5) Concentrating on the benefits of marriage and neglecting the nurturing of an enduring relationship.
6) Assuming that you will live happily ever after without sacrificing anything.

Most important reason for divorce is the lack of skills in conflict management and problem solving. So people try to escape from the problem by taking divorce.

Some divorces are needed as there may be some serious deficiency like impotence or frigidity or infidelity. In most other cases it is flight before fight.

Today's nuclear family system has made people more self centered and less tolerant. Sacrificing for others is rare and instant gratification is chased. A delayed gratification is sometimes sweeter than the instant one.

Alas, the love marriages are inspired by fairy tales and Shakespearean tragedies like Romeo and Juliet. The practical experience is dismal. USA has an alarming rate of divorce which is at 50% of the marriages. That means a marriage has 50% success chances just like flipping a coin. Arranged marriages in Asia have a much higher success rate.

So i would vote for arranged marriages at the moment unless the lovers demonstrate that they are more responsible and successful than arranged marriages.