My fiancee just graduated from Army BCT and now he is at him AIT ....Im having a hard time dealing with him being gone so much...I feel alone...Right now it a little bit better because at AIT he can have his cell phone "so at least we can talk sometime" People are always trying to tell me that all the guys go off every night and get drunk and go to strip clubs ect... it makes me so mad to hear that because not all men do that! Were any of you as only as I am when your men left???? Its like I have no one to talk to that knows how if feeling!!!! Help!
2006-10-07 07:16:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Hey, my husband is in the Navy, attached to the Navy Seal Teams. So believe me you-that I know what you are going through. When we first got together-he left 3 weeks after to go on a deployment to Germany for 6 months! Then he came back for one month (since we lived 3 hours away from eachother, we only saw eachother on the weekends) and left again for 2 months another school. We moved to California together when he decided to join spec warfare and was home for the rest of the year. So that means in the year 2003, I saw him for 4 months. And outta that four months, I had to share him with family. Then the year 2004 between schools and more deployments, he was home for a total of 3 months-once again I was sharing him during this 3 months. After 2 years of basically having a relationship over the phone, he got to stay home for a whole year of 2005!!! Only to get back to the year 2006 when I had our first child and he left for a 6 month deployment 7 days after our son was born. This year my husband has been home a total of 8 weeks now. There have been times when he's gone out drinking and called me totally fugged up...and there have been times when I KNOW he's out drinking but he just conveniently "forgets" to tell me about it. A suggestion when it comes to having a relationship with someone you barely get to see.....learn to communicate REALLY well and don't be afraid to tell eachother everything because that's all you have when you are so far apart......and I'm sure you would rather know from him what he's doing and be a little upset, than find out from someone else what he's doing and be really pissed. And you want him to be able to tell you when he goes out right? So take it with a grain of salt sometimes. It will PISS you off that he's going out drinking with the guys(especially ones you don't know) and you have to trust him. But on the other hand, don't sit at home waiting for his phonecall(that's why cell phones are so great)and explain to him that he shouldn't expect you to sit at home going crazy thinking about what he's doing or waiting for him when he's out having a good time. If you trust him enough to go out with the guys, then he should give you the same respect. Just talk to him and ask him if he is going out-then explain to him that it's important to have trust in a relationship, especially when its a distant relationship and you have to be able to trust that the other person is telling you the truth about where he is or what he's doing. Tell him that you would want to hear it from his mouth vs. someone else's. And at least if he's telling you, then you know he's got nothing to hide. My feelings are that if they don't tell you something it's because they have something to hide. I don't know...but I've got some very strong opinions on this. Email my "chickalicious" person, and I will write you my real email address back if you would like...I just don't want to put it on public display.
2006-10-07 07:35:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you're are insecure and worried now then you should think really hard before getting married. Being a military wife is not an easy one. You never know when your husband will be going away and for how long. These are things you have to consider before making a bigger commitment. If you are for sure going to get married then you have to trust him now, especially when he's away. Yeah, some guys do hit the strip clubs but that shouldn't bother you. You're the one he'll be coming home to. Most do that to have a bit of fun but it's no big deal. If you know he won't be there then just chill. Keep yourself busy and write to him as often as you can. Get a job or hobby. Make friends that are familiar with military life then you can talk about your feelings. Don't worry so much and you'll be fine. You have to keep the faith and keep the lines of communication open between yourself and your man. Don't let what others say bother you or it will eat you up inside. Take care, think positive, keep the faith.
2006-10-07 07:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by peg 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to be able to trust your husband if he is going to be in the military. He will work late nights, be gone a lot, and hang out with many young single guys. Being a military wife is hard enough, but it will be nearly impossible to make it work if you don't trust him. My husband is in the Army and was sent on a training exercise in Thailand where they had a weekend off in Bangkok, I would say that 90% of the guys probably were at strip clubs and with hookers that weekend, but I know mine wasn't. To make me feel better he never left his hotel that weekend, didn't drink at all, and called me regularly. Your husband needs to be sensitive to things like this but you should also know in your heart that he will not hurt you. Being a military wife is hard and lonely, my husband left less than a week ago for a year long tour in Iraq. When he was in basic and AIT I thought it couldn't get worse and that I would never more lonely than I was then, but I am now. You are going to be alone a lot, it's something you need to get used to. Have activities that you enjoy doing on your own and try to stay busy, its the only way you will be ok. Remember that there are other people in your situation also and that this won't last forever. Good Luck!
2006-10-08 16:10:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Indeed the other halves who're devoted to their husbands after they move off for multiplied intervals of time are to be incredibly counseled. The susceptible ones will cheat on their husbands after they get lonely. God bless each the army husbands/other halves and their provider for his or her nation. And do not pay attention to the superliberal democrats - the army is an excessively noble institution and the ones worried are satisfactory folks. I am very completely happy to peer that no longer all females are slutty, "convenient" ladies and that a few nonetheless take relationships significantly severe.
2016-08-29 06:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a military daughter, and when my dad is gone, I miss him SO much. Does your fiancee have email access? Write him long letters, either through email or snail mail. Get involved in your community. Find some other military wives in your area, and get together with them. Find something to make the time fly, and good luck! I appreciate everything he's doing.
2006-10-08 12:03:40 · answer #5 · answered by Leni 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'll have to get used to him being gone. In addition to deployments, they have field training, NTC, JRTC, and random training at other bases. Even when he is home, you'll be lucky to get him home before 6 or 7 at night. If they are gearing up to go to war, the time-frame will be even later. You will have to learn to be very independent and self-sufficient.
As for the getting drunk and going to strip clubs, etc. I'm not gonna lie... it happens, even if the guy isn't in the military. Your best bet is to talk to him. Tell him how you feel about that sort of thing. You'll have to learn to let some things slide as long as he stays faithful to you.
Good luck!
2006-10-07 07:31:08 · answer #6 · answered by jen2192000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont believe those people, they are still under drill sergeants control even though it is definetly looser than basic. since he just got there, it wll be awhile before he gets to go anywhere probably my husband had to wait about four weeks before he could even set foot off post. if you know your fiancee well then he wont fall into that because they are not allowed to drink or smokee in training and the consaquences are bad if they get caught. it is possible i guess but highly unlikely. i felt lonely the first cuople weeks when he went to basic, but i just kept busy and that helped alot. if he is close enough you can go see him but careful!
dont show up during the week you dont want to get him in trouble and you probably wouldnt be able to see him anyway. we lived close enough to his ait i went to seem him with our daughter. he will get on post passes, then offpost, then by the fourth week depending, he should get some off post overnight pass so if you have the means go see him he can stay with you the night. remember it is only tempoary!
2006-10-07 10:57:40 · answer #7 · answered by stardust792004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not all guys are like that.
(War or no war) it depends in which unit he is in and what his mos is,he will be gone a lot or he will not some are in the military 20 years and haven`t been deployed once then others deploy 5 or 6 times in that 20 years.
so it really depends.
but one thing helps you over the time he is gone stay busy.
Don`t worry about what other people say as long you know that you trust him.
2006-10-07 08:01:25 · answer #8 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all...get used to being alone/lonely....this is the Military during a time of War...
Second, AIT is nothing like it was when I was in....we were allowed to go off Base and do things...Now, the Soldiers or Trainees are restricted to where they can go and when...
AFTER School...well, that is a horse of a different colour altogether...
2006-10-07 07:21:58 · answer #9 · answered by BITE ME 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand completely, being a military wife sometimes is really hard emotionally. My advise it to keep occupied, like getting a hobby like puzzles or books or even painting. If you going to be moving on base i would start think of things to decorate my home with. After about 2 years you ll be use to it. Just have patients and stay true and faithful to your hubby.
2006-10-07 07:28:05 · answer #10 · answered by Charisma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋