My dad passed away 12 months ago. Suddenly there are responsibilities of my mom and siblings and home (both emotional and financial) I am 27. lus there is debt to pay back, rent to pay for and my dads business to take care of and improve (it suffered in his last days) I had been engaged to my wife. We got married 3 months ago (an arranged marriage). Now since I am busy handling my mom, sister and brother (all of my siblings are young) emotionally and handling the family business, I can only give time to my wife when we all are sitting in the living room after dinner for a chat. all combined. Its a need and I need to keep a check on all other family members emotional condition too and any specific requirements, and also I am supposed to give their daily cheering up (i am the funny one in the family). Now....my wife 1) thinks I do not have time for her and she is worthless to me 2) irritates me, and says its to get attention 3) is very hurt and keeps crying. What to do? I am confused.
2006-10-07 06:44:56 · 14 answers · asked by eddie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your family is important, and should be important. However, your wife should be the #1 priority in your life, and you should treat her that way. That doesn't mean you should neglect other priorities, but you definitely need to give her top billing. Never, *ever* take your wife for granted - especially when she's giving you warning signals.
You're in a tough situation, you have very heavy demands on you at the moment. You need to sit down with your wife and talk this through. My advice is to schedule a regular time when you will be solely devoted to her. During that time, you should totally refuse to deal with family obligations: the family can hang on for an hour or a day, if need be.
The rest of the time, you can deal with the family crises, and your wife should understand the necessity - but you *have* to give her time when she's the top priority in your life and nothing else matters.
2006-10-07 06:54:18 · answer #1 · answered by Bramblyspam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 12 months is a pretty long time for your family to still feel emotionally for your father, everyone has to die and they have to move on. You say you married her 3 months ago and if your family was like this then you should have postponed the wedding.
Since it is an arranged marriage it not your wife's fault and she would have married you with many expectations.
You say she is crying and that means she is very hurt.
I think the best thing to do is to take her out for dinner and a picnic and just spend time with her away from your family
2006-10-07 13:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Business 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have had a terrible responsibility thrown on you all at once. Add to it a new wife. Gee, how do you keep from going over the edge yourself?? Even though you have been elected to be in charge, make it clear to your family that you need some down time of your own to be with your bride. Go home or go out to eat, go to the movies, go somewhere where the two of you can be completely alone and she can have your undivided attention. But you also need time to talk with her and make her understand what is going on with you and that you need her support just as much as she needs your attention. Get her to help you with some things as a togetherness activity. Tell her you love her every day. Good luck.
2006-10-07 13:51:07 · answer #3 · answered by blondee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you need and what you have to do, but your wife doesnt yet. I dont like the idea of telling people to see a marriage counsellor because i really dont think they can help. But you need to talk with your wife, and she needs to open up with either you or a proffessional. Maybe if she sees that you are writing for help , even though this is a Yahoo forum, then maybe she will see what you see through your eyes and heart. She needs to know the struggles that you are going through right now. Everyone is looking to you for guidance and love right now, and when it comes to your wife, you seem to run out of love. This is going to take an extra effort on both your parts right now. She needs to see that you are consumed with being the parent for your family. Even at 27 this is a difficult situation for you. You make time for your family's needs, but someone needs to find time for your needs as well. Otherwise you will be joining your Dad before you know it.
Good luck...........
2006-10-07 13:56:29 · answer #4 · answered by mailbox1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, there is a lot I could say but there is a book that can help you! I personally don't read a lot but my brother insisted that I read this book when I was having a hard time and it has helped me understand how to love people...
Its called : The Five Love Languages-How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to your Mate by Gary Chapman
And its not even that long! (Maybe 200 pages or so)
IT'S THE BEST BOOK TO READ dealing with relationships and such. Honestly, read it. You'd understand why I recommended it after reading it. Check it out !!!!
2006-10-07 13:51:30 · answer #5 · answered by krazykair 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take a step back a bit (obviously not completely) from your family obligations and set this time up for attention to your wife. Your family should more than understand this, and if they do not---they will have to deal with it.
Also, there are hundreds of tips and ideas from www.theromantic.com
Also, I recommend "1001 Ways to be Romantic" by Gregory JP Godek<--great book with tons of ideas
First, tell her that you love her dearly and that you want to spend time with her. Plan a getaway, as soon as possible!! (Yes, many times in our busy lives we still need to make 'dates.'
Good luck!!
2006-10-07 13:55:09 · answer #6 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my condolances on your fathers passing. you have a heavy burdon to carry, your mother and your siblings do neend you in this time but did you think that maybe your wife needs you to. As a husband as well I know that it is an unwise and very unfair thing to neglect your wife. MAKE the time for her she desreves it. remember that you love each other. Ask her for her help in condoling your siblings and mother she may be able to help in ways that you can't. take her away to a b&b for a night Your familiy will understand.
show her taht yoiu do have time for her and that she does have worht in her eyes by making time for her like you do the rest of the famoily muy importante for a happy mariage
2006-10-07 13:56:33 · answer #7 · answered by dreson k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she is being very immature and unsensitive to you, in my opinion, and I'm a wife. You have alot on you right now and she should understand that and be there to support YOU. You are an awesome guy for even asking this question. God bless you! LOL
2006-10-07 13:48:11 · answer #8 · answered by angl2839 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her she is incredable for being so patient with you. Do something special for her like a homeade card, poem, take out for an evening, or just hold her close and remind her she is all that and a bag of chips.
O'hock
2006-10-07 13:50:23 · answer #9 · answered by orcahock 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i would sit down with her and tell her that you care about her and all that, and make sure she truly understands the situation. you might try bringing her some flowers or a gift more personal (diamonds always work too), then one night make her dinner and like rub her feet or something. good luck with all that
2006-10-07 13:51:09 · answer #10 · answered by dino143637 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋