When it comes to forgiveness, how do you forget what someone did to you?

Question

If you forgave someone but still are haunted by what they did to you did you really forgive them or not?

Answer 1

Start helping someone with more problems than you have so that you forget about your own hurt and self pity. Time is on your side if you want to forgive. But you have to do something positive with the pain, or you will become trapped by it.

Answer 2

You forgave the person. That's the important thing. Maybe it would help to think of it in more physical terms. If a person cuts off your arm at the elbow, the hurt doesn't last for two weeks; it lasts the rest of your life. You forgive that person. Is the issue that you didn't really forgive the person - or that your arm still has phantom pains that will never stop? We can't stop pain that's inside us, but sometimes it just finally stops hurting.
It's been my experience (getting dumped - a long time ago) that I had to forgive the person three or four times a week because I thought about her and started feeling bad again then blamed it on her again. Maybe you are going through something a lot worse than that. Well, it isn't your fault, and you forgave the person, so stop feeling the guilt. You already have enough pain without adding guilt to it. Just think about getting better. If that doesn't help, go talk to a counselor or a psychologist.

Answer 3

You don't need to forget. You just need to forgive. Some people say if you are "haunted" by it, then you haven't really forgiven. Anyway, the forgiveness part is really to benefit you, not the person that hurt you. While you can forgive but not forget, if you are "haunted" by it then I would think that the hurt is still active, and that means that it still has power over you. But forgive and forget are not the same. I have no advice for you; some people say pray for forgiveness. Can't hurt, I suppose.

Answer 4

Sometimes it is very difficult to forgive a person for what they have done.

The most publicised heinous crime I have read about recently is the October 2, brutal murder in Pennsylvania of 5 Amish schoolgirls by Charles Carl Roberts IV the truck driver for Northwest Food Products Transportation who picked up milk from the Amish farms. The story is heartbreaking. The Amish community responded with forgivenenss for Roberts and with compassion for his widow and children by setting up a scholarship fund. It is certainly a monumental task to overcome the grief of the loss of a child. Roberts responded with being angry at God. The Amish responded with following the teachings of Jesus. They destroyed the schoolhouse to forget what happened there.

Sometimes a person may think that they have forgotten an unpleasant incident but something may trigger the memory and then the devastation of the incident overwhelms again. It takes a lot of time and effort to forgive and forget some incidents.

Each person has a number of obstacles in his/her life that they must overcome. Whenever a person encounters a difficulty it will be 100% difficult to forgive and forget because it will be the most recent and the most devastating of the experiences as well as cumulative to all the negative experiences.

In order to remain free from the bondage of bitterness, it is important to work on forgiveness. If you can find some way to have compassion for the person who has hurt, used or abused you it may help. For example, thinking that the person may have been abused or is mentally ill. Getting away from all the triggers that cause a memory of the bad incident sometimes helps and conversely talking about it all the time sometimes helps. Each individual is different.

Answer 5

Just because you've forgiven someone that doesn't mean that you can simply forget everything that happened. Forgiving & forgetting are 2 separate things.
Forgiveness requires a conscious decision to forgive someone (No, it isn't easy & it takes some effort.), even if you don't feel very sincere about it at the time. It also needs to be repeated as often as necessary.
This may sound hypocritical, but what's the alternative? Wallowing in self-pity, bitterness, hatred & sheer misery all your life! I know this because I've met people who refuse to forgive & it's really sad.
So, simply making a choice to forgive is a critical 1st step & is absolutely necessary for your sanity & long-term happiness.

Answer 6

You know this is a very sticky question, me and my mother can not agree on this. This is my take on it. When you are done being angry and hurt and finished processing those emotions whatever they may be and it is important for forgiveness not to skip this step. Then you are in a place to look at why this person did this thing to you. They were weak or they were lonely or they were confused and or mentally ill. You can take this person from a victimizer and see them for the victim they truly are. Only this victim hasn't forgive their victimizer and is acting out because they are unable or don't know how to process what happened to them.
At this point you are able to see what really happened and you are ready to be compassionate. What ever happened is still NOT OK and it is never meant to be OK. At this point, however, you can say, to yourself, I know why they did what they did. That is understanding and compassion.
The next step is moving on. You do not need to be around this person any more and you do not need to allow them access to continue this unacceptable behavior. You will also keep them from committing any more offenses against you. Offering them help (like a phone number to call) might be a kind gesture but only if it is safe.
For me Forgiveness is not saying "it's OK" but learning to understand why so that you can become more compassionate and understanding. Depending on the situation, it is also about learning to remove yourself from harms way and learning not harming others.

Answer 7

Some ppl say to forgive is to forget. I've forgiven ppl, but I haven't forgotten what they did. After I made the decision to forgive, I couldn't get over it instantly. So for a while, I was kinda haunted by it, but time heals. You'll learn to accept whatever happened eventually. Maybe it's still too recent to get over, so don't beat urself up over it.

And just remember, you ain't perfect either. If you want forgiveness for things you do, you've gotta give it back. What goes around comes around right? Anyway, life's too short to keep worrying. So look ahead and cheer up. You've made the right decision already.

Answer 8

Memories can still haunt you after forgiving somebody of what they have done to you. The memories reinforce why you forgave the person in the first place. This has happened to me. I will remember something somebody did to me a long time ago, but then I remember that I have forgiven this person and I feel happier knowing I have forgiven this person.

Answer 9

I can sure relate to this!!!! I am a victim of a 'best friend' who also is a lier, and a cheater, a gossiper, and a back-stabber!!!

One can accept a persons' apology, but still be hurt by their action. Forgive, and forget is easier said, than done!

To answer your question, no. If you can't get past what they've done to you, then you haven't actually forgiven them. Personally, I have placed it at the feet of Jesus, and have asked Him to take care of it! Therefore, I still can lick my wound, so to speak, and not have to deal with the guilt of unforgiveness. In time, He takes care of it, and heals the wound. Though, every time I see her, I still hurt, but it *is* getting better!

Although, if you don't believe in Jesus, I feel sorry for you, because then you really are, all alone, and it's no wonder you're haunted by the pain.

Answer 10

You start by visualizing how God must see our sins( like filthy rags) and that when He forgives us we are wiped clean and He remembers them no more. We cannot even go to God and ask for forgiveness if we have not forgiven everyone who sins against us. If you are having a hard time with this, go to the Lord and ask that he blesses this person and that the Lord would not count this person's sin against him. Then ask God to let you see this person through the eyes of Christ. This is sometimes very hard to do. I know, this was the hardest thing I ever had to learn and I sometimes still have a hard time with it. If I still remember what this person did with any bitterness, I rebuke this thought and cast it out, then ask that the Lord would take this away. He always has helped me with this. He will help you too. Just keep close to Him and He will see you through all things.