I know some of you might remember me. I found out yesterday that I I'm really pregnant and cried myself to sleep. My sis cousin and friend thinks that abortion I should have an abortion cuz I'm only 18 and I don't work, and I'm paying 72 thousand for college and this is my second year. We are having financial problems. It just really breaks my heart because the one time I miss a pill I get pregnant and the abortion thing makes me want to puke. I don’t believe in abortion at all because is not the baby's fault so y should he or she be send away from this world because of my own happiness? The dad does not know yet and he does not believe in abortion as well and we are not together anymore so my cousin and sis believe that the decision is all mine but I don't c it that way cuz I did make the baby myself even if we are no longer together. I prefer to get a job and take care of my responsibility and if I can handle it, I can always put the baby up for adoption because I know a lot of people out there wants baby and can have any so why kill an innocent child? I can’t even eat cuz I don’t know what my parents would do to me or what they might want me to do. I want to tell the guy first but again I’m being told I should tell my mother first so she can know what to do. What do u ladies think? Should I tell the guy first so that way we can try to figure things out or should I tell family first? I’m I wrong for not wanting abortion and wanting to tell the guy first? Please help me cuz I’m losing weight over this.
2006-10-07 05:59:27 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I think you should tell the father first, maybe you both can come to a decision. I know this is a very scary situation. Only you can make the decision of what to do. Be sure it is something that you can live with.
2006-10-07 06:09:22 · answer #1 · answered by Backwoods Barbie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think the Father of the Baby has a right to know that you are pregnant. I am sure your cousin and your sister just want the best of you but the only ones that can makes that decision is mainly you and then you and your Boyfriend.
Yes it is very scary to be pregnant, to be in debt, not have a job and so on but let me tell you. You will never have enough money to raise a child ...
Reading your Question .. you sound like you don't want to have an abortion because of several reasons .. so why put yourself through it and then when it is done and over with you might go through an incredible rough time and blame yourself and beat yourself up. But then can you really carry a baby for 9 month and give it up for adoption ? That is even rougher.
I can't tell you what to do and not to do but I can tell you that you should talk to your partner and the father of the baby and write down the Pro and Cons of having a Baby and go from there.
2006-10-07 06:11:48 · answer #2 · answered by Ladybuggy 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should tell the guy first, so you two can talk it over. Then once you decide on what is going to happen, then tell your family. Abortion, I do not agree with, same as you. Adoption, yes this is a great thing to do because there are many people who are unable to have children and would make great parents out there. But I was also raised to take care of your responsibilites. This is your choice as well, however, just remember, you will be the one carrying this child for 9 months and I am more than sure that it will be difficult to give up your child after feeling all the movements and all that you go through. Once you and the father of this child talks about what you are going to do, then you should tell your family, they will probably be more than supportive to you. I wish you all the luck in this situation...... Also, you need to stop stressing over this or it may cause you to have a miscarriage. Take care of yourself and remember that things happen for a reason. Good luck with everything you decide.
2006-10-07 07:25:54 · answer #3 · answered by pits_me1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The guy does have a right to know. Whether your decision is to keep the baby or not. He is the Dad and should have some say. Also, like it or not you are too young to take care of a child. I am 21 finished college and have a full time job and I don't feel financially or emotionally responsible enough to take care of a child. I understand your repulsion over abortion, if it is not for you then don't feel pressured to do it. But think realistically. After feeling this baby grow inside of you for 9 months can you hand him off to a stranger, no matter how good they would treat him. I couldn't. Don't bring a baby into this world that you can't take care of, that will be subject to a sub-par life. I know its not the baby's fault but either way that poor child will suffer. Long answer short this decision can only be yours and the fathers. I wish you the best and don't cry. God Bless
2006-10-07 06:14:41 · answer #4 · answered by toobadfaya 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you are right in not immediately thinking about abortion. I believe that you need to talk to this guy first. But, promise yourself no matter what he says you will tell your mom and/or parents right after. If the guy freaks and start yelling abortion, don't immediately agree, just realize that this decision is now completely yours. If the guy is cool and wants to work together to figure this thing out, you now have at least a new friend to discuss and help you make the decision.
As soon as you figure out your guy's situation, it is time to talk to your mom and/or dad. They'll freak, but they will be there to help you! Use their help.
But, realize that this decision ultimately is YOURS. Only you know what your heart really wants, and whether you can actually deal with an abortion (but do not let ANYONE pressure you into one if it's not what you want) or deal with a child so young. I hope everything works out for you! Good luck.
ps- Don't forget about adoption, it is a great idea. Especially open adoptions, if you want to be part of the baby's life!
2006-10-07 06:15:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do not believe in abortion either, but I would never deny a woman a right to choose. Having an abortion for financial reasons is not right. If in your heart you do not wnat an abortion, do not get one. You cannot undo it. Remember, where there is a will, there is a way. There is help out there. You do not have to drop out of college. A lot of major universities have married and family housing. Usually, it is a better deal than what they charge undergrads. You want to look at what options you have. Don't panic. Make a plan. You do not say what state you are attending college. You are not the first 18 year old that got pregnant in college, and you won't be the last. Stop thinking about the would've, could've, should've. Apply for Section 8 assistance to help with rent. Apply for WIC. Don't quit school yet. If you live on campus go to the housing office and ask what their accomodations are for undergrads with children. There are a lot of programs that pay for daycare such as Crystal Stairs. Zeta Phi Beta Sorority has a program called operation Stork's Nest. If you want to do it there is a way. Now, as far as tuition, since you will have a dependant you can refile your financial aid application. Your budget will be adjusted. You should now be classified as an indedpendant student, and your award will increase. Investigate to see if your college allows fulltime employees to attend for free or a reduced tuition. In that case, you may want to apply for a fulltime position and go to school part time. Take the pressure off of yourself. If you do not finish in 4 years no problem. Life has all kinds of twists and turns. Keep living and you will see. What does not kill you, will make you stronger. You can e-mail me if you need more help with some financial options. Don't be afraid that you have disappointed anyone. This is your baby. Your child. Yourparents may be shocked, but they may also be happy. You would be surprised how parents turn to mush over a grandchild. You need to remember that you can not allow others to live vicariously through you. So if your family is living their college dream through you, having an abortion so that you do not disappoint them is not the answer. Now, as far as the father of the child. Let him know. Either he will be supportive or he won't. But it is you who has to live with the decision of an abortion. Do not base your decision of abortion on his reaction. If you are adopting out your child, he has to sign too. So you can't leave himout of it. Think through your options. Pray over it
2006-10-07 07:15:39 · answer #6 · answered by gg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Frist of all, if you have an abortion when you are not psychologically prepared for that trauma you are making a horrible decision. DO NOT DO it!! Just dont!! You are dooming your future & your mental health to have an abortion.
Adoption is a good idea, if you think you can let your baby go.
Secondly, you need to tell the dad first. Have that conversation so that you have that information when you go to your parents. Parents can pretty well handle whatever you throw at them as long as you do it like an adult. You going to them first, puts you in a position of not being an adult. I realize you are young but fake it til you make it! Even if you do not have a full fleged plan - the more information you have when you talk to them the more they will believe in you & support you.
With your college plans they will no doubt have a lot of concern. But, you can handel this - I have faith in you.
2006-10-07 07:48:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell the counselor at college, first. He or she can give you some advice without bringing in the family or baby's father. You don't really need their input. This is your dilemma.
You can have more than one goal in life. This child will not stop you from getting a good education.
If you decide to have your baby, the father will have to help support it. That much we know.
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that you will be strong. Be all woman and make up your mind based on good information and your heart's desire. As you said, if you can't keep this child, there is a family who will be so thrilled to adopt.
As I always say, remember... this may be the only child you will ever be able to have. Keep that in mind.
2006-10-07 07:25:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I saw on Grey's Anatomy that you can drop off your baby at any fire station or hospital with no questions asked or check out these sites for good information and questions to ask yourself. Do what's best for your baby. I think the guy has a right to know. Maybe he'll know what to do. By all means don't have an abortion you know you'll always think what if and if it's stressing you out this much there is NO reason you should go through with it. I knew a girl that worked as a cashier at Walmart until 2 days before her due date and she was fine so you could go to school still if it didn't bother you.
http://www.adoption.com/
http://www.adoption.org/
http://christianadoptioncenter.com/
2006-10-07 23:22:20 · answer #9 · answered by sg1alias 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad to hear that you are using prevention, and sad to hear you missed once and now are stuck in a miserable situation. So for what it's worth, here is my opinion...
I really think you should consider telling your baby's daddy, whether you are together or not. You are right...it took two of you. Who knows? Maybe he'd like to take care of the baby if you can't?
I'm glad to hear abortion isn't something you'd choose, or at least it sounds that way. There ARE many people out there who would love to adopt an infant...myself being one. By seeing my profile and my prior answers, you'll note that I am pregnant, but honestly...if you called me today and said, would you adopt this baby, I'd give it some very serious thought.
You are an adult. I know you want your mom's opinion, and that's good. Great to hear you have that kind of relationship. I never did with my mom, though I love her. Tell daddy first, then talk with your mom. But don't let her give you too much trouble. You are an adult, and she and your father for that matter, really can't say what you can or cannot do any longer. So if they pay for your car or your phone or something, maybe they'd threaten to stop? Who knows...I don't know the situation, and don't need to. Just remember, it is YOUR body and YOUR child, and YOUR life. Love them. Hear their opinion. Consider what they all have to say, and then make YOUR own choice.
I understand about bills and stuff. Now, you might think I'm a total nut, but I am so totally serious in saying, pregnant or not, I'd gladly speak with my hubby of almost 15 years about taking your child if you'd place him or her for adoption. Seriously!! I also have a sister who has one daughter. She wants another child, but her pregnancy was so tough, and the recovery even worse. They spoke of adopting. They are what I personally would consider wealthy, and I bet, just like me, they'd allow you to see your chid's photo and such if you wanted. Honestly...consider everything, and if there is a thought of this, let me know. Maybe you just will think I'm nuts, but please...email or however it is you can get in touch with me via this site, and let meknow if that is something.
And know that whether you feel so or not, there will be a lot of support for you. Your family will surprise you i bet!!! Best of luck, and please...feel free to email me at any time if you just want to talk, ok? I'm really serious, and not wacky or anything, though I am a bit goofy at times! LOL!!!
Give it some time, talk with the daddy, and relax a bit. You have a few months to decide what you want to do!! :-)
2006-10-07 09:52:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. Tell the guy first. You and he made the baby, not you and your mom, or you and your sister, or you and your cousin. This child is yours and his, nobody else's opinions really matter.
2. Your parents need to know pretty soon, though. They may be more supportive than you think. And don't forget, you are 18...they can't MAKE you do anything.
3. I don't believe in abortion either. Even more than that, it sounds like it would devastate you do get an abortion...women who get abortions against their better judgement because they are forced or pressured by the father or other family members end up MESSED UP for a very, very long time (not to mention what happens to the baby). Listen to your heart on this one.
My opinion? It sounds like your take on things is right on the line - telling the guy first, and having the baby. It sounds like you are accepting your situation with maturity and foresight. Will it be easy? No, but neither would any of your other options.
The one thing you do need to do is make sure you take care of yourself. Eat, and eat right, even if you don't feel like it. Get involved with an OB/GYN or midwife right away. Best wishes!!!
2006-10-07 06:08:57 · answer #11 · answered by p.helen 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋