Over bearing people, who have to "top" you, how do you politely ask them to go away? Or do you say anything?

Question

Won't stop calling me, drops by unexpectedly, if I'm working on something she'd doing it better, etc...

Answer 1

I guess I would approach each situation as it arises. When she continues to call in a short period of time, I would ignore the phone, if she still keeps calling, answer. Say "Hi (name), I did see that you were calling, but I have been very busy. When I am not answering, it is probably best if you just leave me a message. I don't have time to spend a lot of it on the phone, I'm sorry." No matter how much she tries to talk, continue to say "I really have to get going". Then, quickly get your goodbye in.

When she drops by unexpectedly, answer the door and tell her "I'm sorry, this really doesn't work for me. I really need you to call first before you come by. Maybe we can get together later?"

If she is trying to top you, be straightforward with her. "I'm sure you could do a great job on this, but why do you feel the need to do better than me? I don't think this is a very nice way for you to treat a friend."

She sounds like she has a low self-esteem and is "leeching" to you. You need to make it clear that you can be her friend, but you need your space, and you need to be treated like a friend, not the way she has been treating you. Good luck!

Answer 2

There are people out there who just don't feel fulfilled unless they are doing better than everyone else, and unless they are talking about themselves. I have one of those friends, and after a whole "girls' night" I'll know everything going on in her life, and she won't know anything that's going on in mine. If you're in a group with this person, keep your eye contact with the person you're actually talking to - don't let them cut you off, or turn the conversation over to themself. If they realize no one is listening, chances are, they'll stop. If it's the two of you and they're telling you how to do something, or acting like they know more than you, just kill them with kindness - smile, graciously say thanks, but I think I've got it under control, and then change the subject.

Calling and dropping by all the time is pretty rude. If she doesn't get the hint when you say you can't talk, or you don't have time to visit, you'll have to just -politely- tell her you can't have her doing that. It doesn't have to be rude and painful, but just simply, "I have a lot of things on my plate, it would really help me out if you could call first to see if it's a good time before dropping by..." and of course, using caller ID (etc) is a good way to avoid unwanted phone calls.

The bottom line, however, is deciding how badly you want this person in your life. If you still value them as a friend, then you can just "cut back" on how much you see them, without cutting them out of your life completely. (that's what I do, it works pretty well most of the time.) However, if you come to a point that you just can't take it anymore, you can either sit down and talk about it, or simply stop receiving them altogether. While snubbing them totally is on the "rude" side, if they're someone who doesn't listen to you in the first place, they probably won't get what you're saying when you try to talk about this problem. Good luck!

Answer 3

what do you think would get their attention. Do that. Most people know what they need to do and you sound smart and empathetic, like you already know what you need to do, but just need the courage to go ahead and do it. i'll bet you'll do a great job if you take a deep breathe and say to yourself,, ok enough is enough and then do what you need to

here's a suggestion: next time look them straight in the eye and say thanks you know that's a really good idea. Then just keep doing what youre already doing if you want to you can smile at them or shake their hand but you have no obligation to listen to bozos and know it alls

good luck you'll do fine

Answer 4

Don't feed into them. If you do not try to top them it takes their power away and they will stop in a couple of weeks. All you have to say is that's nice and go on with what ever you are doing. Keeping quiet is the hardest thing to do. We are a society that's been tought the on up for our egos to get boosted. Keep your head up and be nice it will kill them.

Answer 5

Sounds like someone you don't need. If it's someone you have to deal with, just be polite but firm.

"Yes, I know you'd do it that way, but I'm the one doing this right now and i really need to get back to it, so if you'll excuse me. . . "

I had one of those at one point. I felt like a total heel for doing this but there was NO way around it. I just finally had to say "we can't hang out together anymore. I don't feel that we are good for eachother." This was a person who had to be the center of attention and would monopolize your time for hours on end, and when those hours would be you had no way of knowing. I tried to maintain our friendship, but she was just too draining and I had to cut her loose completely.

Answer 6

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
Deserata

I think simply tell that person how they are coming off. Maybe she doesn't know.
If she can't take the criticism she is no friend.

Answer 7

Better be up front and direct to this flake, unless she's a family member, your boss, or the local police. If so-you're stuck!