My Mom is trying to tell me what to do already!?

Question

I'm in the middle of planning my wedding. It's not until August 07, and I already have the dress (she went with me, and helped me pick it out) It's gorgeous and I love it, and was happy she came. Then we've met with the priest (my fiancee and I) and I could almost feel like she wanted to be there, lol. She is trying to tell me now how I should wear my hair, and the kind of shoes I should wear. I picked out a necklace I wanted to wear, and she was adamant that I shouldn't wear it, cause it was ugly. (diamond eternity necklace) I LOVE them, and have wanted one for a while, so I figure here is my excuse. Trying to tell me that I need to call NOW for a limousine, when I don't even have a friggen hall yet. I'm going to check on one next weekend that I really like. I told her about it, said I was bringing my maid of honr with me, and asked "what? Am I not good enough?" I don't know if she was joking or not, but yes she is my Mom, but it is MY wedding, right? What do I do?

Also, yes I am her only daughter. Oldest child as well.

as for who is paying for the wedding. Myself and my fiancee are paying for the wedding. It's not going to be inexpensive though. My parents are going to help out a bit fianancially though. I know my Mom just wants to help, but it's coming off as telling me what to do.

Answer 1

I get an undertone by your writing that you and your mom are actually very close. Sounds like she is thrilled for you and is having a lot of fun getting involved in your wedding plans ~ why not just have fun with her, keep your sense of humor and laugh at all the crazy stuff she suggests ~ tell her "thats a great idea but just not me" or "you and I have different taste but It's fun hearing your ideas" ~

Answer 2

Sounds like your mom is freaking out. She's not thinking straight right now! Maid of honor??? She's the mother of the bride, for gosh sakes! Give her some time, and hopefully she'll calm down and come back to her senses.

In the meantime, make your plans, wear the jewelry you want to wear (you'll have to stand up to her, but do it calmly yet firmly), tell her not to worry, you'll take care of the limo (but don't get pushed into calling them in front of her), let her voice her opinions on your hair, your shoes, and whatever else she wants to say, and then proceed with your own choices. You're getting married. You're a grown woman! She's just losing it because she realizes you're not a little girl anymore, and so she's trying to prolong that by making choices for you. Maybe there's a way you could talk to her gently about this. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Yes it is your wedding and your mother needs to be reminded that you have your own plans for the wedding. If you are paying for the wedding, you don't need to have her input. If you can, don't tell her when you are going somewhere with regards to the wedding. Don't tell her when you are going cake tasting, just go. Don't tell her when you are looking at halls or anything else. You should consult with a beautician for how your hair should be styled for the hairpiece you are going to have because they can tell you what will look best. As for the necklace, where what you want. Your style and hers are very different. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Hey all that aside, your Mother is so excited for you!
As a Mother of 5 girls, let me tell you i diffently will be activily involved. It's a wedding i love party's and this is the grand daddy of them all, it's the time you get to show off your daughter to the world and you will never look more beautiful.. We live for our little girls wedding day!
Just explain to Mom that u appreciate all her help but
you and your hubby to be need to think about things.
That this is costing u both alot and as this is my wedding mom i want it to be the way i want it!! She won't be upset
as much as you think, just give her other things to do!
It will keep her busy such as favors or something. You have to understand this is the last big who-ha till little ones come around, so keep her busy this will get her off your back so to speak! Good Luck and Best Wishes!

Answer 5

Your mom is very excited and thrilled for your wedding no doubt. Perhaps she had imagined what her daughter's wedding would be like...in fantasy. Her giving you mom type advice and saying things she feels is best is not going to stop..ever. So, try to bite your tongue a few times when you feel like your going to blow from all of her suggestions of your wedding day...But defitanly...do tell her..it is YOUR wedding..and you have your own dreams and plans you are going to live out . But do it in a nice way..tell her you know she has idea of what she would like for you...but you want the wedding of your dreams..wther that be big or small..it is YOUR wedding.And you should have what you like and want.

Answer 6

As a father, I will tell you that we live our lives through our kids. You need to be as firm and as caring as possible and let her know that, while you value her opinion, that day belongs to both you and your fiancee. If you make a decision that you regret today you will regret it forever. You should suggest that she and your father renew their vows on another date. This will get her off of your back and digging into wedding books of her own.

On a side note. Please do not go into debt for a wedding. The quickest way to end a marriage is to have financial problems. You can have a great inexpensive wedding.

Answer 7

Try saying something like, Mom, thanks for your help I really appreciate you helping keep me on track, but I know that what you ultimatley want is for me to have the wedding of my dreams. ____________ is what I always imagined (aren't you excited I found it) or (I'm having so much fun taking my time planning and going over the details in my spare time, you're taking away all my fun by rushing it)

Try showing her a list (check out the knot.com's checklist under myknot) that gives an appropropriate timeline in which to book things. Tell her you've decided to use that to stay on track with bookings and purchases.

Finally, she really wants you to have the perfect wedding. Feel lucky she cares, wouldn't it be awful if she wanted nothing to do with it!?

Answer 8

I am assuming your mother was married once. It is a good idea to remind her that this is not her 2nd, 3rd or 4th wedding. Also remind her that your only planning to have one wedding, you aren't going to try to run your daughter's wedding in the future, and you're paying for your wedding.

Your mother should not have dreams for YOUR wedding. If she is that adamant about how your wedding should be done, she is either delusional or a narcissist.

Answer 9

Moms, along with ALOT of other people, will begin to behave in a manner that has you wondering who these people are! You're mother only wants what is best....hopefully for you.

I see that you are respectful to your mother, and I highly admire that. But while doing so, you are going to have to tell her that there are certain things you just HAVE to HAVE for your wedding. You are only doing this once, and you want to make sure you've gotten all that you dreamed it could be.
And that there are alot of other people in your live(s) that you want to share things with, like your MoH.

I'm sure her feelings will be a bit hurt, but if you explain this to her & tell her how much you love her & are glad she's there for you, you & she should be fine.

Answer 10

Yes, it is YOUR wedding. Wear the necklace and do whatever you and your future husband agree upon. Forget bridezillas, there should be a series about Mother of the Bridezillas.