wondering whether my boyfriend and i should tell each other how many partners we've had...?

Question

i know this may be a stupid question.
we've been together for 10 months, and we are really in love. we're 22 and 25, and we feel that we are the ones for each other. we have a perfect and happy relationship. we are very open with each other, and we have wonderful chemistry as friends, lovers and in intimacy.

sometimes i think whether it would be ok or not healthy to know how many partners we've each had. of course if we ask each other it would just be out of curiosity...
most of the times, i actually do not want to know his number, and i do not want to tell him mine, because i feel it is going to ruin something.

if we both tell each other, we cannot go back, and i was just wondering if it will have any good/bad effects.

any thoughts/experiences/advice?

well we do know a lot about our past. i could estimate our individual RANGE, not exact NUMBER.
0-5 people, 5-10, 10-15, 15-20, and so on.

we are not jelous.

i just don't want to be thinking about it after he tells me (like, "gosh, i can't believe"). and vice versa!
but then i want to maybe feel closer by telling each other....

Answer 1

if it aint broke don't fix it.
your relationship is about how you treat each other.
leave the past where it belongs.
never, ever, admit to more than three before him.

Answer 2

I can see how this could be a hard thing to discuss, but I'm all for telling.

The thing is, no matter how many partners you have had in the past, the point of the fact is that it's the past, it's history.

All of the experiences, no matter good or bad that we have had in our pasts makes us who we are today, and if you love the person your boyfriend is today, and he loves the person you are today, then it shouldn't matter what has happened to you in the past.

I find it ridiculous that some couple actually fight over the number of partners the other has had in their past. I know people who fight over this, and I think it is asinine.

Your partner didn't know you then, and wasn't with you then. There should be no reason to feel weird or ashamed.

In your situation, you don't want to know his and you don't want to tell yours. Then simply keep it the way it is.
Why do you want to know so bad about it anyways?
It should be insignificant because it is his past...

If the two of you do tell each other, keep that in mind.

Answer 3

Well if you feel the chemistry is strong and you know it can mkae it through then talk about it. There should be no jealousy whatsoever, it was the past not the present. So think about it a little how to bring it up. Then talk about it, personally i dont think it will ruin anything from how good of a relationship you two have. Good luck hun!

Answer 4

See the thing is that no matter what there still will be jelousy.
you can tell him and it would be healthy or you can just not.
Me and my boyfriend been together for 3 1/2 years and he has had partners before me but i never had before him. I get jelous sometimes. but i think it would be healthy for both of of you if you just did tell each other. it will probably bring both of you closer and take the relationship more serious. Plus you will more trust in each other. that is what i think.

Answer 5

I would not tell. Nothing good usually comes out of knowing something like this. I was very shocked when my first boyfriend told me that he had been with five people and he was only 18. A friend of mine and her boyfriend were sharing their numbers and it caused a huge blow out fight between them. He thought her number was extremely high for someone who is only 26 years old. I think you both have to realize that you each had past sexual relationships and that they are in the past. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I think honesty is the best policy. If you two are truly committed to each other it shouldn't breaky you up.

BUT ---- another point of view can be heard in the song by Carly Simon called "We have no secrets".

So I guess I'm saying only you can know whether it would be a good idea or not.

Answer 7

In my opinion I think that if you're both curious then ya'll should share your number. It's not really that big of a deal because it's in the past. If you're truly in love then it won't matter how many people you've been with and whether ya'll share that or not doesn't matter either. The past is in the past...who cares ya know?

Answer 8

i have a very similar relationship to yours by the sounds of it and he asked me that question, i told him truthfully as did he. There is no reason why it should ruin anything. Everybody has a past the important thing is that you are in his present and his future. I am now married and living happily. If you are both mature enough to handle, than why not???

Answer 9

Sure! that way you dont have any SECRETS bewteen eachother! That will make for a better closer deeper loving relationship! That way its all HONESTY. Anyway, wouldnt you like to be honest and know who ,a nd what kind of person you were dating the whole time u were with them?.

Answer 10

WHY do that?????? That stuff is in the PAST!
Focus on what's MORE important, you 2 and a future!!!!! Other bfs, gfs in the past DON'T matter! Ask yourself, why would this issue be SOO important? It isn't and doesn't matter!
Uncovering the past relationships could damage what you have now! Don't GO THERE!


Be positive!

Answer 11

If you know your partner and know yourself well, and you're both mature enough to handle and accept the answers without being judgemental, or getting angry, then go for it. My bf and I know how many we've each had, and though his is way higher than mine, I accepted it and dealt with it. He was with those women before he was with me, so whatever he did with them is his business. As long as we are both now clean, disease free, and safe, I don't care. The past is the past, so accept it, and let it go! Good luck! :)