he says he loves me but will never toatally give up his heart. we've been together for 7 years and i love him very much mabe a little too much. i'm very in love with him. this info came out in an argument. i think he loves me more than he's willing to admit. he wasnt really shown love as a child so he has a tuff time expressing it. i dont want to give up on him. we really need to talk but i dont really know how to reapproch the conversation with out fightting again. im so lost and hurt. help please answer seriously. oh we have 3 children to boot and this affects them too seeing there mother so hurt.
2006-10-07 04:56:00 · 16 answers · asked by HEATHER O 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Love is a fluid thing. The idea of romantic love has not always been around and really doesn't always apply to every relationship. If he says he loves you then you shouldn't be upset. He is probably looking at how you love him (no two loves are equal) and assumes that since he doesnt have such strong feelings for you that he must not be 'in love', but that doesnt mean you can't love each other and make each other happy for the rest of your lives.
Don't think you need him to love you the SAME amount in order to be happy. Find the happy stuff each day and don't worry about the other stuff.
2006-10-07 05:00:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. First, you are having conversation with him that is beyond what he comprehends. He's probably totally confused as to how he is supposed to respond honestly, so he says, "Well, I can never totally give up my heart." and keeps a wall he feels makes him "safe".
He's thinking, He comes home everyday...he's a decent Dad, and the lawn is mowed....so what's your problem? (This is just how they think.)
Establish a routine of dinner, bath, and bed (quiet time in your room if older) for the kids. Try to create an hour or two of solitude for him in the evenings. Take a bath, light some candles, read or call a friend, entertain yourself. He knows you're there, let him come to you.
He will need to learn the basics of Romance. You have just become Romance 101 Teacher. Help him learn to become aware of his sensual...didnt say sexual....sensual side. Look up tantric sex and choose the things you can apply in your relationship. As he begins to let himself relax with himself and the emotions his sensuality evokes he will have a better understanding of the higher level you are reaching for. Talking isn't going to do it, honey, deeper intimacy has to be taught.
I find that being in love is a feeling that ebbs and flows in long term relationships. The cement that binds is friendship. Use this time to share the good things in your life. Tell him what it is about him that you admire. Do not bring up subjects that bring on misery. Let him see you as the oasis in the storm. He will fall in love with you. Whether he lets himself or not. It is hard to deny such loving tenderness. You can't make him find this part of himself, you have to teach him...guide him there, gently, lovingly.......be the Teacher.
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2006-10-07 05:32:55 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm approaching my 35 wedding anniversary (my wife is my high school girlfriend), and I can tell you that marriage is not easy.
You two need to spend time together without your kids around. You need to be doing fun things that you each enjou, and you need to be doing things that you may not enjoy but the other one does. Ex.: If your husband is a fisherman, ask for him to show you how to fish.
He was "in love" with you when you got married -- you two dated, put on your best behaviors, and did fun things together. Spend time doing that kind of thing, and the romance will be rekindled. Stay awya from those heavy conversations for a while -- don't make it look like you're doing these fun things just to try "fix" him.
One day, your kids will be gone, and you'll be stariing at each other. Get common fun things going now so you won't be wondering then what you to are doing together --sex and friendship is critical for a man to have in a marriage. Having the friendship die off is a killer to a marriage.
2006-10-07 05:29:56 · answer #3 · answered by asperens 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling is a good option but only if you were both willing to work on the problem. He has to want to fix this too. Most importantly, if you can keep the children from feeling your tension it's more healthy for them as they grow up. Both of you working through counseling would help with that as well. If you ask him to go to counseling with you, approach him about it in a positive way, not in the middle of an argument. And remember, it's always best to use non accusing statements IE ... (I feel hurt about our current situation, I wondered if you would consider counseling with me, I know I could work on some things and it might help both of us) This says you know your willing if he is without any accusations, it's very non threatening. It also says you recognize that you aren't perfect either. Good luck to you both!
2006-10-07 05:04:57 · answer #4 · answered by Night Wind 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having been married... I dont have kids, but I do know what its like to be in your husband's position. For years my Mom was a really busy Professional Certified Public Accountant, I didnt see her alot during the young part of my life. I spent a lot of my time with my babysitter as I was growing up. Because I cant show love the same way others do, its cost me a lot in my life. but I feel a recipe for disaster, for you, him and the children involved if ya dont offer to help him, or help him to get the help he needs
2006-10-07 06:11:23 · answer #5 · answered by Jared 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have three children of my own with a husband that is totally self indulgent in his work and spends less time at home.I as a housewife make up the difference in that whenever he is home,whatever he says does not faze me,I try to smother him with all the attention that I can give him,even if it makes me feel like a slave ,because i am confident that I can break the indecisiveness of his heart and win all of his attention,believe in yourself and what you have and try to build on it,there is a lot of fishes in the sea,but not another life to live,live your,s well
2006-10-07 05:07:28 · answer #6 · answered by delmy d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like maybe the two of you need some counseling ... he probably does love you more than he wants to admit but also a bit scared on how much you love back ... don't give up on him 7 years and 3 children are too much to throw away ... see if he'll go to counseling and if not maybe tell him you'd like to talk but no voices raised
2006-10-07 04:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by emnari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you then what is your problem. The thing that matters is that he loves you and not how he expresses it.
Some people don't love their wife but act like they love them and when they see another woman they run off. But your husband is not like that and you say he was brought up like that.
To love and be a good husband you don't have to give roses everyday. You have children and so a divorce will be disastrous for them.
2006-10-07 05:03:17 · answer #8 · answered by Mr Business 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are among some of those nice wives. If you are sure that your husband loves you more than he can express then why you are bothering? Leave it like that. Dont make him express it to the bit he feels uncomfortable. Show your love for him, make him addict for your love. And, if you just wait I think some day he will beg to tell you how much he loves you...
2006-10-07 05:03:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he afraid of committing too much if he loves you? Is he afraid that he will be hurt unless he withholds his emotions? How about talking to someone about this as a couple?
2006-10-07 04:58:42 · answer #10 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋