I don't know what to do?

Question

I'm so confused. I love my dad beacuse he's my dad, but then I hate him. I'm only 14 and I have so many confused feelings about him. He used to hit myself and siblings when we were younger, and he was always mean. And he still is mean. He doesnt hit us anymore, but he still gets mad over the slightest things. He's mean to my mom too. Yells at her and use when something goes wrong. And because of him I'm never really happy and I have low self esteem/confidnece. I dont know what to do.

Answer 1

I think you need to try and get to know a different side of him.Why don't you ask him to go fishing with you or go to a sporting event so it can give him a chance to know a different side of you too.All people that have a mean streak had to have had something bad happen in order to keep them so angry.But it is good that you are asking for advice cause it means you care.So don't give up on your father and I do hope good things come out of this for you.Take care.

Answer 2

The first thing to do is realise you are not alone. I had an abusive father although he never hit me he used to get very agressive towards my mother and siblings. From a very young age I witnessed this I am now 21 and my parents split up when I was 15 it was a huge relief and finally we were able to be a real family.

What you are going through now is very hard however just keep in mind there are always people out there to help, surf the net for local support groups and talk to the people you trust it helps! Don't let whats happening to you now dictate who you will become later in life, focus on yourself and your own goals and although its tough now everything will eventually fall into place you just have to stay strong minded. Try talking to your mum and see how she feels, love can be complicated or maybe she fears him, suggest she gets some support too.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

Bless your heart. It's hard enough being 14. Having an abusive father, whether it's physical or mental, is just not right. Do you have a teacher or other adult that you trust that you can confide in? Just discussing your fears and sadness will help you cope. Try to get involved in something you're interested in, it will help your self esteem and keep you out of the house. There's nothing you can do to change him but you can stay away from him in the meantime. So sorry about your situation. You'll just get older and will move on with your life. Wishing you well...

Answer 4

The same thing ued to happen here. Im 15, and my mum and stepdad are now seperated. I think that you ought to move out for a couple of weeks, and He will recieve you all greatfully back. When he is in a good mood, tell him that he must stop the violence as its not fair. You also should try to be more confident as obvioulsy you are caring. I wasnt confident for ages-still arent!But meeting new people at a camp worked. You could join a club such as the air cadets-like me as it takes your mind off things and boosts confidence. And maybe call the nspcc. If you need sum1 to talk [e-mail] gud luck!

Answer 5

Speaking as a father, its HARD to be a father. Our societal standards are changing faster than our emotions and generational conditioning allows. I am very different from my father, but I am very much like him too. I too love my father, but he annoys me sometimes. I feel guilt for not telephoning him, but most of the time I don't feel like chatting. We don't have much in common.

You may love your father because he is your father, but it doesn't sound like he is making much of an effort for you to like or respect him. It also makes a difference here if you are his daughter or his son. By the tone of your question, I've assumed you are his daughter (though I didn't look at your profile).

If you are his daughter, ask him if he would take you on a "date". You'd like to know him as a person, rather than just your dad. Dads are people too you know. Ask him to help you understand what you should expect socially - and that you'd probably like more than one "date". Maybe one every couple of months for the next year or two. You need his guidance so you know what to expect and what to accept, and most importantly how he thinks you should conduct yourself.

It sounds like your dad isn't very happy with himself, and he too has low self esteem and has lost his confidence. If you're fourteen, I'd guess your dad is about my age (40). Its tough facing the fact that your youth is gone, and what you've got is pretty much what you're going to have; and who you are is pretty much who you are going to be. Dreams seem foolish, and the idea of mortality starts to become more real. When you're a teenager, you feel like you're going to live forever, and you can accomplish anything you dare to dream (and you can). By the time you're 40, you start to think about what you didn't do, what your life isn't and your mom may not create the same desire that she once did that drives him on. He may be frustrated, and feel guilty. Then again he might just be a jerk. I can't tell.

You'll feel better about yourself (always) if you forgive those around you for their failings (we're all human after all). You choose the ones you really love. If you choose to love your father for who he is, that is probably better than chosing to love him for what he is. Does that help?

Answer 6

think about good things he has done for you. He might have been mean to you and your mother but he is still your father. think of the times you were really happy to have him with you. they may have been rare moments but you cant say there have not been any. You have two ways in front of you: U either forgive him for what he has done and continue Ur life without this hatred or you will not forgive him and the gap in your family grows bigger. think of those who dont have a father, not even a mean one. would you rally prefer he never existed ???

Answer 7

dont woory da. stop thinkng about the mean side of your dad. think about something good he has done to u wen he bcums mean.switch of ur mind wen he bcums mad.dont brrode over it. try to luv him as he is. always remember 1 thjng there is no 1 above ur standard neither there are any 1 below u too. tell urself tat u r the greatest in d world and u will improve ur self esteem

Answer 8

Don't feel sorry for yourself because of that douche.Graduate highschool, and get the hell out of the house if your still unhappy.You didn't say if you were a boy or a girl,if you are a girl don't grow up having "daddy issues" by turning skanky so boys will like you,have respect for yourself.If your a boy, remember how he was and be good to your family when you have one.

Answer 9

Look, ur dad must b loving u and he wants u to b the best so he gets frustrated when he thinks ur below tht level. he too mudt've had some levels tht he couldn't reach so he's trying to get u to reach tht level. don't dissapoint him and do luv him. i'm sure he loves u and ur mom n the rest or he could've left u long back. don't loose ur confidence. know this, he loves u but is unable to show it.

Answer 10

Exactly what happened to me but i am 34. Love him no matter how he treats your family or you'd regret later. I now have to see a shrink as I blamed myself too much for not loving him when he was alive. Now I regret. I cannot forgive myself, I have nightmare and stuff and now have to take meds to sleep. I almost went nut as I one time wanted to cut myself on my neck. So, i understand how you feel. That was exactly what I went through.....Good Luck.