6yrs ago mom had a stroke. She lost speech and writing abillities.
Refuses to leave her home,situated in a dangerous town in South Africa. She is 81yrs old. I live in Portugal with 1 minor son 16 my husband and stepson 28. I am always worried and unhappy. Should I leave my family to go and look after her, what is fair? I am her only daughter. My sister in law and mom are not on speaking terms(So to say). Mom will not leave her home 4 an old
adge home or her childrens. Can not find anybody 2 stay with her she is 2 difficult.
2006-10-07 03:40:05 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The town is Vereeniging (C. Center)
2006-10-07 04:43:30 · update #1
lShe sounds an interesting lady. Even though she is old and obviously not in the best of health if she wants to remain in her own home this must be her decision risks and all.
Afterall when you become old will you want your family to make decisions for you. I Know I wont.
You must not feel guilty just accept her decision.
2006-10-07 05:58:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard problem... Keep in Mind you have your own family to look after. You cannot abandon your family to move far away. Although your mother needs someone, Why do you feel you have responcibility over this. It may be a mean way to look at the situation but she has other family members as well, even though they are not speaking. Concerning that your mother is refusing to get help when she obviously needs it (such as moving into a home) maybe there is someone close by like a home care worker that would be happy to help your mom out,... there are always options like that open. Consider everything before making a huge life changing decision.
2006-10-07 03:59:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you and your husband talk with her together about your concerns for her safety living alone at her age and in frail health. Discuss options such as her living with you, going into an assisted living home, or a nursing home. Discuss also the risks of her continuing to live alone. Then abide by her decision. She may prefer the risks over leaving her home. This is her right and you should not feel any guilt over not being able to be with her. You do have a husband and family of your own to consider.
2006-10-07 09:32:07 · answer #3 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your husband completely on your side that she should live with you and him. Then as a family, go get your mother. She may throw a fit but you and him need to act like the parent and tell her you're not hearing it and bring her home where you know she'll get proper care and be taken care of with love. Get more stubborn than she does.
2006-10-07 03:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the older our parents get the more stubborn they tend to become. They are also set in their ways. Maybe she feels like she would be intruding on your life and family and she would feel sooo terrible about that. Our parents don't want to become to depend ant on us it makes them feel like a burden and that's a bad feeling. I also understand what your saying because I myself had to take care of my elderly mother and father until their death. My mother was a talker she would tell me how bad she felt living with me and my 5 kids and my husband. So try telling her how worried you are when she's way on the other side of town and how much better and relieved you'll feel with her with you. Kind of how she felt when you were a toddler and she wanted you closer. Good Luck! God Bless.
2006-10-07 04:00:00 · answer #5 · answered by kryptonnite2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go and stay with her for a few weeks see if you can talk some sense into her she sounds like she wants to be very independent,put your foot down and tell her you are going to get her some home help or care workers in,tell her its to reassure yourself that she is taking care of herself properly and you wont have to worry as much
2006-10-07 10:21:17 · answer #6 · answered by candyfloss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not mean to appear rude but you have your family too look after and you can`t give up them too look after your mother , she has brought her family up and now you have to do the same .. Most oldies are stubborn but there must be help available for her where she lives ? You will just have to try and find out who to get in touch with to get the ball rolling ...
Good Luck
2006-10-07 04:46:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable your mum wants to stay in her own home. Why doesn't everyone in the family all put money in to pay for a carer for her, someone that will go in every day to help look after her.
2006-10-07 05:49:30 · answer #8 · answered by Just_wondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is this "dangerous town" in SA? Maybe I can help. I have a lot of contacts.
OK. Sorry I can't help!
It is dangerous. Can't you get her to move to a safer place? Maybe you should try a welfare organisation to help move her to an old age home.
2006-10-07 04:21:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anro 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest instead of asking us this question, you ask your family. Sit down and ask your children how they would feel if you were to be away for a period of time. Also, ask you partner weather they would be able to cope without you there to help support him. If you explain your situation ell enough, then you should all ome to an agreement
2006-10-07 03:45:27 · answer #10 · answered by SuPeRsTaR 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋