Unrequited love. Am I doing the right thing?

Question

After telling my best friend I'm in love with him and getting turned down, we are still the closest of friends.

At first I was just glad that he wasn't completely freaked out and horrified. The fact that he wanted to remain close friends was more than I could ever have hoped for. It was a huge gamble, after all.

The problem is, as we continue to spend most of our time together, I'm finding it increasingly painful to cope with the fact that he doesn't return my feelings. I value his friendship so highly- but, the fact is, I am in love with him and it's hurting me a great deal to be around him and have the rejection reinforced on a daily basis.

So I have been trying to ration my time with him. But the problem is that hurts too. So, should I just continue to be a good friend to him and learn to cope with the pain?

Please understand that I've never had a boyfriend and have never opened up to anyone in the way I did with this guy. I'd never make myself that vulnerable. I have major issues with my appearance and never thought I could even fall in love. Being rejected has only confirmed to me all my fears of being ugly and undesirable. I'm worried this was my one chance of happiness and it's gone. What should I do?

Answer 1

Of course it's going to hurt - He is your best friend afterall and the best relationships are built from them. Maybe he just needs time to think over things. You've made it perfectly clear to him how you feel.

Despite how awfully you perceive yourself in the mirror, it is interesting to hear that this guy still enjoys being around you. There must be some chemistry between you and I would highly doubt that the question of a possible relationship doesn't enter his mind.

Rationing your time with him might help, but as you quite rightly point out, it also hurts a heck of a lot. I think that for the time being, you need to be his friend, stop bringing up your feelings (believe me, he won't have forgotten what you've said!) and then let him figure out his thoughts. In the meantime, you should be enjoying the friendship and maybe even consider group acitivities so that you still see him but you have others to talk to as well. Also, when he sees you interacting with others, he may see you in a totally new light and be impressed!

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

I hate to assert this, yet self assurance is amazingly eye-catching. each and every so often those who are not even that good-searching in the classic sense are thoroughly eye-catching because of ways they in simple terms are, in case you understand what I recommend. that's all about self assurance, that you will be able to't coach to someone. no matter if you sense like you're eye-catching, if this guy has instructed you he's not in touch in you in some thing except a delightful way, then you quite ought to in elementary words take that and manage it, even with the actuality that it could be confusing to do. Sorry. It in simple terms is what that's. you won't be able to (regrettably) make someone sense otherwise, and putting onto the wish of his replacing will in elementary words extra erode your self-esteem. accessible be "friends" with him, yet you'll likely favor to distance your self and really paintings at cultivating different pleasant friendships. for sure, which will take attempt and time, even with the indisputable fact that it is going to truly pay off in the destiny and in turn, probable grant you with extra self assurance, which, in simple terms might want to, in the right, be the challenge that hooks your guy. best of luck to you!

Answer 4

Guys are really difficult to figure out sometimes. The important thing for you to do is be honest with him. tell him what you just told us! That you love hanging out with him bc hes your pal, but at the same time, lately its been really difficult to do so, bc you cant hide the fact that you've fallen in love with him. tell him you respect his feelings, but at the same time you just need some time to heal. i wouldnt just ignore your pain and hang out with him and try to cope, bc you wont. it will make things worse...dont totaly ignore him, but if you explain to him the situtation, he will understand why you need some time alone. in the meantime, try flirting around for fun...hang out with some girlfriends, or other guys and just be yourself. Dont EVER think less of yourself sweetie, we ALL have that self-esteem issue with ourselfs every once in a while...its bc we're all human...we all feel that way sometimes, but you cant let it control your life...it sounds like your upset about this guy, not only for the obvious reasons of him not having the same feelings back....but also, bc you two are such great friends, that hes liked you all along jus the way you are, and since you feel "unattractive" at times, you think that you wont ever find anyone else you would like you for you. But, thats not true at all. This is life, you will meet tons of ppl...and you will not only have your heart broken more than once, but you will break hearts too. its just the factor of life, our world goes round for this reason. the most important thing, is to be hoenst with him right now...tell him you really fell for him, and that you need some time to heal. he will understand, esp if hes your good friend.
I really hope this helps you hun. Cheer up, there are plenty of fish in the sea...we both know it. It just takes time to remember that again...goodluck!

Answer 5

You didn't say what you meant by "getting turned down". Have you bothered to ask him what his beliefs are?