I'm divorced with 2 kids ages 11 and 9. He has never been married and has no kids. Instead of joining in (even marginally) on family activities he starts to act like a pouty kid himself because I'm not giving him enough time. He says he is not trying to put me in a position where I must choose between my responsibilties to my children and my relationship with him BUT HIS ACTIONS ARE JUST THE OPPOSITE! IF HE BACKS ME INTO A CORNER ON THIS HE WILL LOSE. I'll admit that my kids are jealous of the time I spend with him too. The kids are going to be grown soon and I don't want to have to forgo any type of life until they're in college. This man wants to marry me. How can this work? How can we find a balance? Its too depressing to think about! Suggestions anyone?
2006-10-07 00:09:09 · 11 answers · asked by Angela B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Now is the time for you to have a serious talk with your boyfriend, and be up front with him. Tell him you had the kids, before he came along, so it should not be no surprise to him, that the kids needs nurturing, and time, so that they can be able to survive in the world. And that you want your children to have all of the tools, to make it, in life. and that when I met you I thought that you would be the one, who would be a perfect role model, to work with me in helping to bring them up.But it seems as if when I try and spend time with my kids, it is like you put up a wall, wanting me to choose, I can't do that, it is like I am being pulled in so many directions, Please I am asking you to work with me, I would like for you to join us, so you can get to know them better! so we can spend time as a family! Now if he is not willing to meet you half way, then I will have to be their for my kids, so I guess you see where I am going with this. I hope everything works out for you!
2006-10-07 00:27:34 · answer #1 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand the position that your boyfriend is in. My boyfriend has a 10 year old son and we have been together for 3 years, and although it may be immature, from time to time, I get jealous when he is with his son, and he has full custody, so it is hard for me to deal with because I am 26 with no children of my own. I don't have a problem with his child, I just don't like the fact that my guy has a child with another woman (even though she is no where to be found), it really bothers me and I thought that I could get over it, but I can't and I'm already in love with him, so I just have to accept it, although I don't like it and it bothers me. Maybe counseling would help me or just finding someone who has no children because it's a little hard for someone to fully understand when they have no kids themselves!
2006-10-07 16:58:11 · answer #2 · answered by marmar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him to find out if he can really deal with this. He she be an adult by now and should be able to cope with the relationship. If he cannot deal with it then he is just not the right person for you. He should understand the relationship a mother has with her children and he should be supporting that, not getting in the way of it.
You need to sit down with him and talk it through. Find out what he really thinks and feels about it. You need to know where he stands on you and him which your children as well. If he cannot deal with it, then find someone that will.
2006-10-07 07:13:35 · answer #3 · answered by Raide UK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the guy is a dog any man who gets with a woman with kids knows that the kids ALWAYS should be put first in her life. only you can put a stop to the bull. just tell him that you kids come first in your life and if he can't handle it then he should find someone else, but if he really likes you then he will understand, and if he does'nt then he was using you for a piece of tail and you will be better off without him
2006-10-07 07:16:47 · answer #4 · answered by chris37mtx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy over your kids is crazy! I think you need to let him know that your kids are your responsibility & he can join in or he can exit. I came from a divorced family atmosphere & kids can really have problems if the mom turns her back on them for a man.It took me along time to get things right with me due to that.
2006-10-07 07:14:12 · answer #5 · answered by "karma" 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi there,
your boyfriend is supposedly the adult? he is a freak show, with major issues , one being a control freak also this is the main issue here he is not the "one or in this case two" that has experienced grief and loss, your kids are and they can't fend for themselves and they need all the love and support they can get,,, they are 11 and 9 and looking to you as their strength and im not advocating you sugar coat everything for them but,,,, he also needs to fit into their world not them into his,,,,
Get rid of him ( if he doesn't care about your kid's he is not worth it!!).
Good luck
2006-10-07 07:28:07 · answer #6 · answered by Adrian 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he really loves you then he will see that your kids will always come first. but since he doesn't have kids then he doesn't understand the bond between them and there mom\dad. exspiecaly at younger ages
2006-10-07 07:15:42 · answer #7 · answered by Rooster 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right...I think it's time to get rid of the kids.
2006-10-07 07:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take care of your children first.then later when they can care good care of theirself then you can think of remarrying.
2006-10-07 07:14:32 · answer #9 · answered by my flame 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he loves you and you love him become a family and raise your children together. good luck!
2006-10-07 07:11:54 · answer #10 · answered by europe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋