help with my 2 year old son?

Question

My two yr son has a serious case of seperation anxiety. I can't even go upstairs while his dad, grandmother+grandfather, and 2 sisters are still with him. He has a melt down. I have 1 child that is younger so I know it's a phase, but this seems really bad. He's never been left anywhere- I'm a stay home mom. why is he like this?! how can I stop this?! It's driving me nuts and it's making my husband crazy too.PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes we go to play groups and he always goes and plays-byhimself or with the other kids. this seems to only happen at home.

Answer 1

It's great that you seem to have so much support. I felt your letter could have been written by me ten years ago. I have a 13, 11 and 10 year old.
I learned my lesson when my son went to preschool at three. I too thought he wouldn't survive with out me. The experienced teacher took the reluctant kids by the hand turned them around so that they couldn't see the worried looks on our faces. Told them to wave goodbye and marched them in the door. About four of us mom's didn't know what to do so we had breakfast at Friendly's. Most anxiety is because they can read our emotions so well.

My advice...find someone confident to keep your son occupied for a couple hours. Make sure there is an activity you can talk about. Plan to spend the day out not just upstairs. Shopping, lunch with a friend or your sisters. Or a plan a rendevous with your husband! When you return do not gush about how much you missed him. Tell him a little about what you did and comment on what he did. "Wow what a great finger painting you did. Let's put it on the fridge." or "I heard Grandma let you help mix the pudding. Can I taste some!" Do not ask how he did just assume he was fine. Do this weekly if possible. Make sure you check your worries at the door. Vow to be upbeat and positive.

Your son has a lot of people around who care about him allow them that pleasure. Take the time to care about you and your husband.

Have a family date. Early afternoon might be best. Tell you son you'd like to have a surprise for daddy and you need his help. Let him pick out an easy make ahead meal or order pizza, a variety of music everyone will like. Have your son take Daddy and your little one for a walk so you can set up the surprise. Take a bubble bath. Candles or room freshener, music, flowers the works. Have everything ready. Get dressed up. Eat and dance with them when they get home.

Good Luck. You are a great Mom. Don't forget to spoil the woman in you.

Answer 2

When you leave your child in the care of someone else, and go away for a few hours, your child learns this: Mommy went away, and I was upset, but then she came back after all, and I was okay! Wow, so I really am a separate person from Mommy!

This is a real way for kids to develop self-confidence, and confidence in you. It teaches them how to deal with feelings of fear and anxiety, it teaches them that you mean what you say and that you can be trusted - you came back just like you said you would - and they learn that they can be upset and the world doesn't collapse. They learn, Well, I got real upset then, and now I'm over it; so you can be upset and still survive! That's a useful thing to know.

So I do suggest that you make a regular habit of leaving your child with a family member. Perhaps a few hours every second or third day. He will be fine. It's going to happen sooner or later. You are not helping him by sheltering him from your absence. You are only denying him the opportunity to learn and grow. He will be fine. Leave him for a few hours and do something fun.

Answer 3

You need to start a routine of leaving him each day if only for a few minutes. Don't sneak out on him, make sure you tell him about an hour before and start some kind of good bye ritual ( hugs&kisses, a song,etc.) Make sure he knows Mommy always comes back because she loves him very much! He'll cry and have a fit at first but he'll get use to it. Also try letting spend more time with your husband. They could take an outing once a week, with just the guys. Good Luck

Answer 4

Let your 2 year old know that your still there, no matter where you go. Does he spend copious amounts of time with you and only you? Try spreading him around...In a good way! Get him comfortable staying with other people. It is just a phase and it should blow over as he grows older. Young children often find themselves overly attached to their mother; so much so, that sometimes it seems relentless. Don't fret. give it a couple of weeks (or months), and let him grow out of it. The child's psyche is a fragile thing to mess with. In other words, don't force him into what he might seem as being an uncomfortable position.

Answer 5

This is a typical behavior. Basically you have spoiled him, and now you have to change the course of the way that you respond. No longer can you coddle him into submission. You must all be firm in letting him know that mommy will not always be around for him. He will go through this phase of life better if done now, than wait until it is time for pre-school or kindergarten. Keeep this behavior in mind as you are raising the younger sibling, so that you do not get a repeat of this behavior. He will grow out of it quick if you all make him understand that he is still safe without you physically being in his presence. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

There is nothing worse than this feeling. But you have to nip it in the butt. You have to just tell him mama is running and errand and tell him I will be gone for however long and go. Have your husband have an activity he will enjoy coloring, baking cookies, helping to fix something or whatever he likes to do and have him do it with him as soon as your getting ready to leave. He may get mad and cry but always tell him when your going somewhere and never sneak out. It makes it worse. After awhile he will get used to Mommy having to do things. He will also realize mama always comes back when she is done. If he does it at home use time out for his temper tantrums. He is 2 so two min time outs. Or do a 1 min time out and after that if he is crying tell him he can get up after he stops crying and yelling. I know this way may sounds harsh but I am a mother of four little ones and it is the only way I can get anything done. It may take a bit to get him used to it. But have the patients and so it alot until he is used to it. It will happen. Best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 7

Do you go to playgroup with them or do you just stay home all the time? As getting out could get you to talk other mums while having a cuppa and your son will have friends to play with. And with him seeing that your around will make him feel better and gradually he will go of and play and you said you have a younger child could he be jealous of the attention the youngest one gets from you that he use to get as boys can be more emotional then girls when there little as they say mummy's boys.

Answer 8

does your child go to playgroup?If not then its worth a try,and yes your son will get upset at first,but after a while he will get used to it and enjoy the time there.Then you and your husband will have a bit of time time to yourselfs to do things with your other child.
Failing that you might have to put your child in 1 room with a gate up whilst u are in the other room where you can still see him but can get on with whatever you need to do. hope this helps good luck

Answer 9

He's like this because he's never been left by you. Have Grandparents, sisters, dad,go on short walks with him, without you. Find something to entertain him, to distract him from you. Do not allow him to shadow your every move. Start out slowly and increase the time you are away from him. He will outgrow this, eventually.

Answer 10

Have you considered putting him in preschool a couple hours 2 or 3 days a week? This would probably help a lot.