I have put up with this problem for 22 years, i love him, and support him, but.....we have gone through everthing, detox, inpatient, doctors, phycs you name it and medications. He always falls back to drinking even if only for one day, does anyone else know what i'm talking about, if so what do you do? especially when you love the guy but you just want to throw up your hands and say forget this? help.....
2006-10-06 21:48:56 · 10 answers · asked by donna r 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I tried quitting for 20 years and couldn't stay sober for more than a few months at a time. I talked to doctors, therapists, friends, and family and they all told me I needed AA. So I kept going back, "doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results".
Five years ago, I quit trying to force myself into a program that didn't work for me and got some decent help for depression, read books on recovery (non-AA), and got involved with several non-AA recovery yahoo groups. I've been sober since.
Since then, I've found out that AA only has a success rate of 5%, only one person out of 20 that walks into AA will still be there in a year. The AA program isn't deserving of all the praise it gets.
The first step in AA is believing you are powerless, and the next two are about God fixing you. I needed to take responsibility for my actions and do it myself, not wait for some "Higher Power" to do it for me. Most of AA is about their religious beliefs, not about quitting drinking. They are fear-based, using threats of death for those who relapse to keep people bound to the program. After my many, brief encounters with AA, I also needed to deprogram from their dogma. There are AA yahoo groups for that too.
2006-10-06 23:30:26 · answer #1 · answered by raysny 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is help for anything.
Smokers can quit, so can alcoholics.
It's not basically the alcohol, but the underlying reason. Find out why does he like to drink? He probably likes the feeling of intoxication. Most people drink as an escape technique, because reality to them is too painful.
Solve the underlying problem and you have a quitter.
Also, one important thing is that the alcoholic must want to quit! The reason why it fails and fails is because he does not want to quit, he enjoys it too much.
Reinvent your lives, find something else that offers pleasure instead of escapism. Take control of the reigns, and not fall back on what life throws his way. That's what it seems as if he is doing.
He needs to understand that, beyond alcoholism, many better things are awaiting. Then, you have a quitter who does not look back fondly, but with disgust at his habit.
Good luck!!
2006-10-06 21:54:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
as quickly as an alcoholic, constantly an alcoholic! For me, i'm able to never drink back. One is basically too many and one thousand never sufficient. i will never "get better". i will constantly be "in restoration", as long as I paintings at it at some point at a time. Alcoholism is a ailment it is with you for existence. It does not provide up once you provide up eating. The ailment waits so which you will %. up that drink, then it has that carry over your existence back. I even have an allergic reaction to alcohol as quickly as I drink because of the fact i'm an alcoholic.
2016-10-15 22:38:38 · answer #3 · answered by janovich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could help here but all I can do is type. AA is very good group to get involved with, BUT it does not help unless the primary party WANTS it to and that they stick to and work their program. Part of what you are describing is the circle that alcoholics get into the I love him/her and I've done everything I can to help them stop. A word here YOU can't make or help them stop unless they truly want to and they do the reach out. AA members have a saying and its " One Day At A Time" and that's how they measure by making it day by day. Another thing about AA is that it will help you out a lot also and give you the tools to deal with whats going on. But to answer your question, there is nothing you yourself can do to get him clean if he truly doesn't want to be. Hope this helps
2006-10-06 22:18:32 · answer #4 · answered by hardly_d 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
sad to say, you should have left long ago. perhaps you are an enabler.
notice what the guy up there sez? been sober for 20 years? not haven't thought about it, prolly thought about it most days, won't let it go. kudos to him, he doesn't drink. but he's still an alky. your man does, if he was going to stop he would have years ago. about the only thing that can possibly sober your guy up is a near death experience, and even that only works sometime. it's a personal choice. he's made his choice. why should he change? heck you're still there beside him supporting him, loving him, enabling him.......
don't mean to be mean here. sounds like he won't change. then again sounds like you won't either. wish you the best.
2006-10-06 22:04:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
one can stop drinking for however long but the 12 steps teach that one will always be an alcoholic... remember that alcoholism is a disease--not an addiction.
if someone you loved had cancer,would you just throw your hands up and walk away?
i have been dealing with my own demons concerning alcoholism for years. i refuse to give up on myself and i stay positive even when i screw up and drink. my greatest tool in the fight to stay sober is having people who understand my disease and have unconditional love for me. (and most people who really want to quit drinking wont abuse that love and understanding)
there is a pocket sized book that AA uses...its called "courage to change". i carry mine with me. it has a little passage for everyday of the year that i sometimes read 3 or 4 times a day.
yes there is "really help for a recovering alcoholic". it comes from within. its a desire to come to terms with one's self, and a desire to make proud the people who truly understand what an obstacle alcoholism is.
good luck to you both. and dont give up on him.
2006-10-06 22:20:27 · answer #6 · answered by normal_cody 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it sounds cliche`... but he really has to help himself... if he can't see the pain he is causing you and others around him... he is even more blind to the pain he is causing to himself... whats worse is that its a spiral... the pain he doesn't want to feel is often caused by the drinking and trying to cover the pain...
the best thing for you to do... don't give up on him.. if you give up when he's lost hope in himself... then what does he really have....
praying for you guys tonight...
2006-10-06 21:52:25 · answer #7 · answered by teche16 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
AA helped me. been sober for 20 years now
2006-10-06 21:51:02 · answer #8 · answered by oldguy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to learn to focus on yourself (and your kids?) - NOT him.
Tough love.
Sorry, but that is the answer.
Forget about AA (that is for HIM!). YOU go to Al-Anon.
STOP enabling.
Tough love.
LOVE him, but do NOT enable. Stop rescuing, start challenging.
My very best wishes to you! :-))
2006-10-06 22:31:41 · answer #9 · answered by zen 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
there is a solution... His name is God! If he has not taken the Lord into his heart.. he needs to...
2006-10-06 22:18:04 · answer #10 · answered by Nick R 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋