Dating 9 months, but still not a loving word.. Is it me or him?

Question

My boyfriend have been living together for 5 months - been together for 9months.

I can truely say I can see my future with him. However still after all this time, he still hasn't said he loves me. He knows I love him... I've told him several times. But I don't say it as much as I would like because it hurts saying it and not hearing it back.

I'm just wondering if maybe I've rushed into love? And he is on course or should he be stepping it up a notch by now!?

He's told me he can see us getting married and wants our relationship... but why can't he say he loves me? I do everything in my power to show him my love.. am I doing enough?

He is 34 and I am 26 - we are not kids. But this is the first time I've moved in with a boyfriend.

Answer 1

My wife and I, when we were dating, waited 6 months to say we loved each other. Both of us were pretty chicken, due to past failed relationships (including a failed marriage, for me).

If I had to guess, it may well be that due to failed relationships in his past, he's afraid that if he steps it up a notch, that this relationship, which he sees as a successful one now, will somehow take a turn for the worse in spite of his best efforts, because he doesn't know what a successful long-term relationship feels like. So as long as he's allowed to maintain status quo, he feels safe doing that.

That said, you need to get him to open up about what's holding him back, whether it's something like this or something else entirely. Let him know that at some point, things have to evolve (but not by giving ultimatums, that's asking for disaster).