9 year old son with behavior problem?

Question

My son is a good kid. Does well in school (average), has friends, and the teachers have nice things to say about him. However, lately, his behavior is outrageous. He talks back, he doesn't listen, he doesn't do what he is supposed to do. For example, my husband (his father) took him to a cub scout meeting this evening. When it was my son's turn to read he just goofed around and clowned around and didn't take this seriously. This is the problem we seem to be having with him lately. Nothing is taken seriously - homework (around 2-3 hours per night), extracurricular activities, nothing. Taking things away as a form of discipline doesn't seem to work. We are at our wits end. What is the best way to deal with this type of behavior. I have considered that he may have a touch of ADHD/ADD but I'm not sure that this is really the issue. Any advise...PLEASE!

Answer 1

my two sons went though the same thing and we took them to the family doctor and he referred us to a psychiatrist....after seeing him he put both of my boys on a small dose of add medicine and the results have been terrific...i hate putting my boys on medication but the end result has been worth it.

Answer 2

I think that your son is just going threw changes, he is becoming a teenager soon. This isn't because I don't believe in ADHD because I do I have 2 kids myself with ADHD and what I know with all of the doctor visits that I've had to do is, if a child has ADHD it will show it's self in the 5-6 year old range in fact there is a chance that when kids start to go threw puberty that they sometimes can over come or out grow that ADHD (but not in most cases). It however does really bother me when people say things like there is no ADHD, and blame it on the parents. My kids are great and you could ask anyone that they can't tell that there is anything wrong and that they are on meds. But without meds my kids are uncontrollable. Night and day.

Answer 3

It sounds like a stage he's going though. He's probably trying to find out who he wants to be. You may be taking his acting out too seriously though, and the more you focus on his behavior the more you are going to reinforce it. As for having a "touch of ADD", there is no such thing. My son has ADHD and believe me, it's very difficult to live with. They can't stop moving, they can't pay attention or focus for long periods of time, and it's just very hard on them. They don't want to be that way, they just are. My son refused the medication because he didn't like the way it made him feel, so we had to work together to find different ways to control his behaviors. Enjoy your son, relax with him and ask him why he's behaving this way. He may have answers that you can relate to and that will allow you to give him room to be different from the perfect child once in a while. Believe me you're very lucky and also obviously good parents because he feels happy and secure enough to feel that you will support him even when he's being silly and clowning around.

Answer 4

These are obviously only guesses, but that's all anyone can do on this site:

Someone else mentioned that he may be stressed out and need to have some fun for a change. That makes sense to me. My son, who had been an amazingly well behaved little boy, was ten when he said to me, "I get sick of being the good boy all the time."

Someone else mentioned its just his age. Also makes sense. Nine is when they're well past being "cute little kids" and much closer to ten, which is when they get kind of "wise" - especially boys.

You mention average grades. Is there any chance he's a really bright boy who is underachieving? Children will put up with being bored in school while they're young because they may keep believing the work will get more interesting. By the time they get to third grade or so they start to realize school can seem like a "joke". Children with average grades are often children who have particularly strong abilities in verbal/human skills thinking, and it is these children who are often overlooked by the schools. They can feel "above" what is going on in school or kids' activities and may find the only thing they can get out of things is to have some fun in an otherwise boring situation. Since schools only recognize excellent grades when it comes to believing someone is very intelligent they often don't know these children exist. Because they don't seem "intelligent enough" to these children to figure out that the child "exists" children begin to think of these adults as not as intelligent as they are and may stop listening to what they say. This type of high intelligence tends to exist in children from good, solid, homes where parents have always talked to the children regularly. I suspect this type of high intelligence has probably been on the rise in children for the last couple of decades because of new parenting styles. (I could be wrong on this last point, though. Its just how things appear to be from children I've known.)

If it were my child I would bring him for an evaluation of his abilities before doing anything else. Health insurance may cover this under "mental health". The schools do this type of testing, but there are two issues: 1) If he has average grades they won't see it as a possible problem, but also 2) schools approach this type of evaluation from a "what's-wrong-with-this-child" point-of-view; and as far as I know public schools only do this type of evaluation under the Special Needs program (which you don't want your average-grades child being sucked into).

If you can't pay for this type of evaluation or your insurance won't cover it you could just ask your son if he feels like he's more intelligent than the other kids in his class. Ask him to talk about what he is really good at and what he feels he's average at (not grades, but his ability - and there is a difference). Find some more challenging activities (of his choice or just offer him books on subjects that may interest him). Let him know you are aware that he could have this issue, and try guide him a little when it comes to getting the homework done in a little less time (while at the same time maybe trying to talk about the subject in a way that makes it a little more interesting for him).

I have no way to know if my guess about your son is at all close to the real issue, but what I've described is a problem for many, many, children.

Answer 5

I would not jump to the conclusion he has ADD. Everyone these days seems to consider bad behavior to be a medical condition. I would first consider the more likely possiblility that he is a brat.

He needs some discipline. I suggest completly revamping what you have been doing. There needs to a routine, expectations, rules, and consistent consequences. I personally reccommend that you get a paddle and use it on a regular basis--though I am sure I will get heat for suggesting this.

But if you did these things you will see improvement. If you do not--then I would go the medical/psychologist route.

Answer 6

Have you tried spending some time with him on his own doing what he wants to do? If not, please do....

When you are engaged in an activity that the child wants to do, in my experience anyway, they are more likely to open up to their feelings...

Ask him what he wants to do as a day out and spend the whole day with him, do this every week and when he realises that you care (sometimes its not enough to say it) and that you like spending time with him, let him know that you are always there to talk about anything that's troubling him, ask him in a non direct way whether there's anything he wants to talk about...

Seeing a counsellor or peadritician is a good answer, but do try some other avenues before that...

So what if he has a touch of ADD/ADHD... most kids do at some time or other...

perhaps all they are looking for is your non divided attention .. ?

Answer 7

Well, the best advice is probably seek some professional help. However, he may be going through a stage where he trying see what he can get away with. Be firm but consistant with what you say and do. Positive reinforcement doesn't always work, so be prepared to apply some disciplinary measures, that you may not like. If you give in too easy he'll keep doing what he likes. Of course it's easier said than done but so is parenting.

Answer 8

I have learned that through my sons and Friends sons, they seem to turn into little demons about age 9 10 and 11. Remember the hormones are over producing at this time and your son has no idea how to react with all this going on. Check with your pediatrician right away to see what can be done. If he id not having trouble in school, you will have to look closer to home

Answer 9

It could be puberty creeping in. As far as homework, that is HIS responsibilty, either he does it or he doesn't. If he does it, he passes if he doesn't do it he fails. Taking things away from him has proven to be ineffectual because it is. He knows that eventually the things will be returned to him. Rules should have been set down from the very beginning as to how things would be. Things like television, video games, computer time, etc should have been made privliges and doled out ONLY when he showed good behavior...not just because they are there and he knows how to use the remote. Television, video games, videos, and internet time are not things that a child should consider "rights" they should be earned. So now you are taking them away, making yourselves miserable and it doesn't matter to your son because he can see you being miserable. And that puts HIM in control. Make his homework HIS responsilbity, as well as his actions. He is nine year's old, it's time he learned that his actions have consequences. Remove all of the games, television, videos as well as computer and tell him that in order to have TIME on them he will have to follow the rules. In my home when my daughter behaved all day she got one hour of television, or videos, (we didn't have a home computer then), or video games in the evening. On weekends/holidays it was no more than 6 hours the entire weekend/holidays. Consequently her homework was done and handed in on time, her chores were done, and there was very little talking back...she's 20 years old now.

Answer 10

My son was doing the same thing and he was diagnosed with add. It was suggested that he go on a small dose of medication but who knows what that will end up doing to his mind and body in the long run. I just started correcting his behavior with something called a punishment can. I filled an empty coffee container with little slips of paper with different chores and punishments wriiten on them i.e.....no t.v for 1 day, no playing video games for 1 day., etc, and be creative , don't be afraid to make him dip into that can 5 times a day if thats what it takes for awhile. but be consistent and dont give in!
Also, I just registered him for taekwon do , that supposedly will give him better focus and self disipline. And don't forget to compliment him and reward him for good behavior , i have a brownie points chart for that. They get so many brownie points every week they get a prize. Worked for me i have seen a drastic improvement in my sons behavior and performance.

Answer 11

well what i might do for a punishment is make him do house work, kids hate having to clean anything and depending on how bad he was make him do as much as his action have gotten him. also taking away his things is a great idea, why not try taking away all the things in his room and make him stay in there until he is ready to calm down admit what is he is doing is wrong and not to do it again. this could take hours or days but wait til he has learned and you really think he his sorry. be strong it is hard to see are kids unhappy but you are shaping him into the kind of man you want him to be, good luck I hope i may have gave you a good idea!