My 2 yr old goes to bed very night in her own bed, but at least 50% of the time she ends up in bed with us.?

Question

I love having her in bed with us most of the time, but I am pregnant now and finding it uncomfortable sometimes with less room in the bed. When she wakes up in the middle of the night she is inconsolable. We figure it is better to take her to bed with us, so we all get some sleep as we both have work in the morning. We also have to stay in her room with her until she falls asleep every night or she cries & screams. I want her to have good sleep habits & be happy and secure. I am so worried I am not doing a good enough job. I need some feed back and advice. How can I get her to want to stay in her bed?

Answer 1

First off you must understand - you are doing a GREAT job! :) You're meeting the emotional needs of your little one beautifully by brining her into bed with you. I haven't read the other responses on here, I'm sure they're probably full of 'cry it out' stuff but in reality - you need to follow your heart.

I don't blame you for needing space now that you are pregnant. Here is an idea - I dont know if she is old enough to entertain it or not but its' something other moms have tried. Lay a mattress on the floor, or put a bed at the foot or the side of the bed. Make it her special sleeping spot, that she can come sleep in if she feels the need to sleep with you. This could be difficult if she comes to sleep with you to nurse, but if its just to sleep with you, and she understands she's with you and she has her own special spot, it could work out. I can't say I have done this myself, as my little one is only 13 months and I'm not pregnant, but she has been in our bed every night and nap since day one.

An idea to make her own bed more appealing : does she have any favourite colours, characters, animals, etc? Can you decorate her room and especially her bed, with this? This could help it feel more inviting to her. A nightlight could help,too.
Rest assured, you are doing a wonderful job in assuring that she is happy and secure. Her sleep habits are very normal for a child her age, and the habits you have with her are wonderful. A two year old is still so very young. Before we hardly blink they will be teenagers and growing away from us. There's no sense in hurrying independence. We can rest assured that it *will* come.

Answer 2

Walk her back to her room and stay with her a bit - at first. If you can start playing some soothing music when you first put her to bed, she might start to settle down more any time she hears that music - including in the middle of the night. The key is to use the same music each time so that she associates certain songs with sleep. You can also reinforce the approach by explaining that big girls know how to do this (assuming she wants to be a big girl).

Many moms have suffered through the same challenge, including me. The music worked in my daughter's case, but it was painful for a few weeks - the extra sleep is worth it now though.

Answer 3

Let me start out by saying that just the fact that you are worried about it says you are a good mom! We do the best we can with what we know at the time and when we know better we do better.

OK, here is the deal.....you are the mom right? ONLY you know what is best for your child and your family. If you cannot handle her in your bed anymore than you have to figure out how you are going to make it happen for her to be in her own bed. I know that sounds harsh but what works for me may not work for you. I am a stay at home mom, my daughter was sick every 4-6 weeks for 2 weeks at a time and I needed to meet her emotional needs so she slept with me for a long time. On the other hand I have a friend who works full-time like you and she had to have her sleep and a schedule that worked for her so she did the cry it out thing. Search your heart and figure out the best thing for you, your child and your family. YOU know what is best. Sure we can all give you ideas and tips but in the end are you really going to be able to listen to her scream at 2 in the morning? On the flip side what are you going to do when there are two of them? Eventually I was so sleep deprived just from the interrupted sleep that I too had to do the cry it out thing. Yes we still lay with her until she falls asleep (I had that habit broken a couple different times) but most nights now she stays in her own bed.

Another thought......I just remembered this....Is it possible she is cold? My daughter still hasn't figured out how to pull the covers back over herself. I have found that even in the middle of the summer she sleeps better with long pajamas, top and bottom. Try that if you haven't already.

I know I am rambling but hang in there! If you don't want to hear her cry (I totally get this) then you need to find another solution. My husband slept in the spare bed for months because he had to go to work and he could not get any sleep with her in our bed. She is not going to want to sleep in her bed as long as you let her sleep in yours. My daughter would still prefer to sleep with me and I do miss it but it is better for us this way. Even though I don't work the disrupted sleep thing is awful.

Hope my ramblings made a little sense!

Hugs!!!!

Answer 4

Two others have mentioned this and I tried this myself: do make a little space in your room that can be her 'in-case' bed. It is very normal and natural for her to want to be with you - she has only existed for two years, and this world is still fairly amazing and frightening to her! She's a baby. I suggest that you let her come to her 'in-case' bed whenever she wants to. Eventually she will realise that you are not going to make her stay out, so there will be less need for her to come in. Also, soon her desire for a comfortable bed - her own - will outweigh her need for reassurance.
My son is three now and still wakes up once every night. So do most three-year-olds in the world, by the way. Now he comes to my room at about midnight and I have learnt that the trick is to invite him into my bed for a Quick Cuddle. After being held for a minute he is happy to go back to sleep in his own bed. I always tell him before he gets in my bed that this is only quick, and that he has to go back to his own room, and this is working perfectly.
Also, pick up a copy of a book called Good night, Sleep tight by Kim West - before you have your next child. It solves almost every sleep issue and it is reassuring to hear the experts. Good luck.

Answer 5

Wow, this is my son to a T! Here's the thing, you are not a bad mother or are not doing a bad job if you let her cry herself to sleep. She will never remember when she's older, and you and your husband will sleep peacefully. But, if you are past the point where crying herself to sleep will not work, try this method. My doctor suggested that setting up a small mattress on the floor, that is your child's "special area", might help. When she wakes up in the night, let her know that this is her area and she can sleep there in the same room as mommy and daddy, but she's more special so she gets this great pad. Also, my son is very active. It takes a lot to get him to sleep especially when he fights it. The best thing is to get her so worn out from the day, that she won't want to fight it or will go to sleep on her own. It's hard, especially since you are pregnant and it will be harder as you get closer to your due date to make sure she gets her energy out during the day, but, stick with trying to get her worn out. Going to the park all day, yes time consuming, but it works, or being outdoors all day, running errands all day, whatever it takes to get her so tired, she will want to go to sleep and not wake up during the night. But, if the mattress on the floor in your room doesn't work, you might have to just buckle down a few nights and stay with her until she learns to go back to sleep in her own room, in her own bed. It might be exhausting for a few nights, but I think it'll be worth it. She needs to learn that you and your husband are in charge, she is not. That's just part of being a parent. What you say goes. She will be secure just knowing that during the day, you love her and care for her and she will always know who mommy is and that mommy loves her, but nightime is sacred. It's such an important part of life. Maybe when she wakes up during the night, have a cup of milk or water ready for it. Let her drink some of that if she is inconsolable, then lay her back down in her bed. Or, wait til she falls asleep again. That's really the only way to do it. Repetition is the only way for her to know that she will not be in your bed. I hope things work out for you!

Answer 6

When she gets up in the middle of the night, take her immediatley back to bed. Don't say anything, stay calm, and go back to bed. She'll eventually get tired and sleep in her own bed, it's about being consistent. You won't get much sleep for a little while, but in time she will sleep in her own bed.

Answer 7

I know this is probably bad, but I have just given up and let my 3 year old fall asleep on the couch because she REFUSES to fall asleep in her room by herself. I have stuff to do and I don't have time to just sit with her in her room while she falls asleep. When I was a kid I remember just going to bed and laying there until I fell asleep... not my kid! :-) She either falls asleep on the couch (and after she goes to sleep I pick her up and I lay her in her bed) or she goes directly into bed with mommy & daddy... I'm in the same boat as you... I need help as well!!!

Answer 8

It sounds harsh, and I know it certainly feels harsh, but the best thing FOR HER is really to let her cry herself to sleep in her own bed until she learns better. She will be fine. Tuck her in, calm her with a lullaby and/or story, and then leave. It'll be rough for a while (we hate to hear them cry!) but she will adjust. And do this soon. The longer you let her go on sleeping with you, the harder it will be to break that habit...

Answer 9

did she just start doing this recently since you became pregnant? it could be part of jealousy your daughter knows that there's a baby in your tummy. she just might feel left out cause shes use to sleeping with you. that's why parents should not let their kids sleep with them once they do its very hard to break them from it especially in cases like this. if i was you let her know that she might kick & hurt the baby in her sleep. let her know that you need the whole bed to your self for the baby to grow lol who knows it might work. i know shes just 2 but she will understand might take a whole lot of talking but she needs to understand & even more once when the baby's born there will be more rules set aside i'm sure do's & dont's. [well good luck]

Answer 10

take her back to her bed and walk away, if she doesn't already have one get her a night light. all children get illusions of monsters under the bed or in the closet so before you put her to bed for the night make sure she's not scared and reasure her that she's safe and nothing's going to happen to her. maybe try to let her sleep with a favorite toy or one of you dirty shirts. she might sleep better if she can atleast smell you.