How could this have happened?

Question

I went into hospital last sunday (1st Oct) with terrible cramps and bleeding severely. I had internal scans and bloods taken and told that i was having a miscarriage at around 8 weeks.
I came home and have been trying to do the best I can to get on with things for my 16 month old sons' sake.
I went back to the hospital today with the same symptoms and they did more scans, only to be told that i was carrying twins and the second one had been missed on the first scan.
I have now miscarried both twins but how could the hospital have missed the second baby??????
I'm at a lose and completely devastated because now i am grieving for the lose of a 2nd baby, how can i get over this?

Answer 1

it is hard my mum carried twins and lost 1 and that was hard enough to deal with maybe in your garden you could plant a tree or something so there is a special place to think about them as with the one that my mum lost it was still born so he was buried. i find that going to the grave has helped me so maybe you could do some kind of memorial in your garden. jus remember they were to good for this world and you have 2 very special babies and your son has 2 very special siblins as they are angels. it will be hard as my brother died nearly 2 years and i still find it hard to talk about. never be afraid to get upset about it as they were your babies and you will probally always wounder what they would have been like.
just remember you still have your little boy and think yourself lucky for having him. let him no that he has got them but when he is older.
with time it does get easier good luck and i no things will work out.

Answer 2

My heart goes out to you. It is very possible for them to miss the second baby during the early stage. One baby was most likely behind the other. I am a twin. My mother did not know I was there til much later because of me hiding behind my sister. Your body miscarried for a reason. I won't give you the "It's all God's plan" line cause I don't believe he would endure that on any woman. Most times it is because of an abnormality with the fetus(s). I know that this explanation won't make grieving any easier. In time you will feel better. In the meantime keep focusing on your sweet 16 month old. He will make you feel better as well. Also from what I have been told by several others who had miscarriage that your chances of getting pregnant soon after a miscarriage are higher then normal. my mother miscarried a baby just before getting pregnant with me and my sister. Take care and Hope you recover soon.

Answer 3

Hi aim so sorry to here that ,,the same happened to me 6 years ago apart from they told me i had an ectopic pregnancy,,they done a internal scan on me and said that they couldn't see anything so they assumed the baby was in my tube, i had no pain at this point just a bit of spotting blood ,which i told them i had the same with my daughter and i never had problems with her, i suggested they put me on a bigger better scanning machine but they refused, they just wanted to operate on me to remove the baby from the tube as they thought it was there, they never found it so they done another internal scan and saw 2 little bean size dots on the screen, so they ordered a big scan that showed straight away i was carrying twins, and that i was 8 weeks gone so they sent me home and then i started getting pains i went back in to hospital and next day i lost both babies, i ask what coursed it and they said it was down to all the prodding about they did,,,,,,,i was very depressed about it, and it did take a long time to come to terms with it, and i do think about what would have been,, but life does get better it just takes time,,,,,,,

my thoughts are with you take care xxxxxxx

Answer 4

I read this and cryed. I had lost a baby, it started with cramps/bleeding, I was almost 3 months. The doctor told me that the baby had been gone for 21/2 weeks...I wish I could say that the pain goes away, but you'll always remember. After some time though I started not to think about it as much or as often. It took me a long time to forgive myself, because I blamed myself...I must have done something for this to happen. So as soon as I dealt with my personal attacks, I started to think ,,,perhaps there was something physically wrong, and he/she wouldn't have had a good life. My mind went crazy with thoughts of why or why not and finally I had to accept it. Whether it was my fault or strange act of god, my baby was gone hopefully to some wonderful place some talk about, and that my other kids have an amazing guardian angel watching over them.

I wish I could say the exact thing to help you through this, but there is no sure way, we all grieve differently. I do hope and will pray tonight that your pain lessens quickly, that your babies are in a good place. I believe are children always know we love them no matter how far apart we are, I'm not a big "believer" but I like to pretend there is a "heaven" type place and that perhaps from time to time they see us and know we love them and vice versa.

I also talked to a professional, only once but it was nice to express myself to someone outside the family. I found family harder to talk to, all I wanted to do was cry ALOT and they didn't know what to say.

I hope you never have to go through anything near as painful again. Sending a hug from another Mom. Take care of yourself.

Live, Love & Laugh Often,
Michelle

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss although you must have heard that many times. I have loss a baby at 8 weeks too and my heart still ache from time to time. It will never go away but as time goes by, it hurt less. It's NOT your fault and don't push love ones away when they try to help. Be strong for your son!!!
Everything happens for a reason and you may not see it now but in times to come, you'll realise that it could be a blessing in disguise. Talk to your partner because I did with mine and we are closer than ever. I believe the miscarriage brought us closer because in times of need, he was there and he knows that I am still grieving. Take care of yourself, have a bar of chocolate, do something you don't normally do, cry if you want to and it will slowly heal. BUT don't feel you have done something wrong or a victim coz it won't help - just prolong the pain. God Bless!!!

Answer 6

go and get some consoling first just be glad u were not any more along than u where and u are still here for ur son and were u ready for twins u do have a 16 month old son now think about all the things that go a long w/ all of this God dose things for a reason that we may not under stand .put it in gods hands and leave it there trust in him and all will be well.

Answer 7

I just lost my baby in August, also at 8 weeks. I am so sorry that you are going through the grieving process all over again. That has got to be so difficult. I still miss my baby, cannot believe that I don't have her/him anymore. I still cry when I see baby clothes or things relating to babies. You HAVE to be strong for your little one though. Take joy in all that he is learning. He needs life to continue to be normal. My daughter is 3 and so aware of everything that I had to keep a happy face for her and that helped. I still have bad days and times and I feel it will be with me forever and I don't think you will ever get over it. Time will just lessen the pain a little. I just keep thinking at least I have one, think of all the women who lost a baby and it was their first pregnancy? How much harder that must be? What about those who have had multiple losses?

I would suggest staying busy. Find a hobby. Scrapbooking is great! Gives you time with friends and gets you to docoument all the wonderful things of your sons life. If you have never tried check with your local scrapbook store to get started, you won't regret it!

Hugs to you!

Answer 8

at 8 weeks babies are very small and the hospital was probably more worried about the baby that you were losing the week before and didnt even think to look for a twin. Im so sorry you have to go through this, :( the best way to get over it is to think that they are in a better place, with God. talk about your feelings, dont hold them in. and if you need to, let your pain out through tears, preferably not in front of your 16 month old, but let it out. there are support groups out there too, if you dont really have anyone to talk to. or maybe write in a journal. anything you need to do to let the pain out. it will never go away completely, but communicating will ease it.

Answer 9

it is hard to see on a scan at 8 weeks, thats the minimum length of weeks they will scan for and if it was twinns changes r that they would have being small so would have easily gone undetected espessially if their was evidence that the womb lining was becomming undetatched, i know its a realy hard time i have being their a numerous times i find it good to go and buy an orniment or something special, taht baby was part of your life, even just for a short time and u should not try to forget it i know other people that have bought a charm bracklet so u could put 2 charms on, just find something that is right for u, let yourself grive and give yourself time

Answer 10

I'm really sorry for both of your losses, and I really do hope you feel better soon (cliched I know, but time helps).

Essentially, they wouldn't have been looking for a second because they'd have been concerned that the first had been fully miscarried (there's a risk of infection otherwise). That's all, but I do wish they'd picked up on it the first time to save you having to go through it again.